Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
LillyGrinter · 15/05/2016 21:58

I haven't organised enough adults or mentioned it on the invite as Ive aid its the norm in our area that parents stay. I didn't even know this was unusual until I read this thread. I'm sure most kids are fine to look after but I don't want to be left.with 30 kids with just me and my husband. Luckily I know it won't happen

LillyGrinter · 15/05/2016 21:59

And yes tea and cake ate provided

CakeNinja · 15/05/2016 22:11

I drop and run with Ds, he's 4 and at preschool! Good heavens!!
The invitation is for him, they don't want my company aswell or else they have invited me too.
I had a party at home for Ds when he turned 4 and one child had a mum and dad who both stayed Shock - that was a bit of a pain in the arse tbh.
I'm not sure if it's an area thing or just different parenting styles really. I've got other DC, if you don't invite everyone i can't be in 2 places at once, nor do I particularly want or need to be hanging round at a kids party making small talk over jugs of warm squash.

LillyGrinter · 15/05/2016 22:30

I guess I actually don't mind staying at parties, quite enjoy seeing the kids enjoy themselves. The parents have always provided tea and coffee so they must be happy for the Parents to stay. I've only got the one so I'm making the most of the time I can be involved in her life. 5 is still young.

RabbitSaysWoof · 16/05/2016 07:23

When I take my ds to parties often both mum and dad stay with the other kids, I never feel so much like a LP as when I'm at a kids party.
I didn't want to have a 4th party for my child because I didn't want to host people's family day out, I said to my friend that I would be happy to have parties when ds is in school and I don't have to worry about parents staying, she was shocked that a school child would be left she has a 6 year old, she always stays.

TheFuckitBuckit · 16/05/2016 08:49

I'd been having to do kids parties for over 20 years. It was always drop and run as the norm.

I remember dropping dd off at a reception party and had forgot birthday child's present so told host mum would bring it when I collect her. Host mum was rather surprised that I wasn't staying, (I had other dc's to attend to) so I left my number.
I felt bad but as there had never been an expectation to stay at previous parties I had no reason to think that this would be any different.
Upon collection of my dd, I realised most of the parents had also done a drop and run as they were coming in to collect their own dc's. There were only a couple of parents that did actually stay.

If it is required parents stay then should be stated on invite. The next party dd went to I asked host mum if it was ok to drop and run (didn't want to assume) she seemed rather surprised that I was asking, told me to go and make the most of dd free time!

That was the only time I was expected to stay.

Obeliskherder · 16/05/2016 09:51

Rabbit i'm sorry parties make you feel like that. I have never really understood couples both going to a kids' party unless it's a family invite, but it does die off rapidly as the children get bigger and younger siblings get more independent.

I think people judge it by the venue too. At a small party at home, I dropped off from the start of YR - child is safe and corralled, and in a small group. Next came hall parties where there was a clear, lockable entrance and no random members of the public. Soft play parties, and halls at eg sports centres which are more open, were the last ones I was comfortable dropping and running at. Invite a small number to a home party - you can even say you're short of space so feel free to drop them off with me - and you shouldn't be overwhelmed with couples. This is a short phase in the grand scheme of things, and you'll be into hosting film nights and sleepovers before you know it!

LtGreggs · 16/05/2016 10:00

I can't believe how many people would definitely not drop & go! Must be massive difference in expectations area to area.

So party would end up being for 12 kids + 12 parents + a few siblings that staying parents also need to have with them?!

Round here drop & go would be perfectly acceptable. At P1 age a few parents would probably choose to stay (probably because their child wants/needs them, or they are friendly with host parents & stay for a chat & to be an extra pair of hands - this kind of informal help is how the whole shebang keeps turning).

At age 8 most kids would be thinking it pretty weird for their parents to be staying.

LillyGrinter · 16/05/2016 10:29

By 8, then I'm hoping the class parties have stopped. I can handle 10 8 year olds but not 30 5 year.olds.

nocake · 16/05/2016 12:46

As soon as kids are at school we stop staying at parties. The host has a contact number, if there's a problem, but we have better things to do than spend two hours every other weekend watching kids play on bouncy castles or pretend to be superheros.

pinkism · 16/05/2016 12:50

Not normal at all here. We are now year 1 and all bar 1 parent stayed and that child was designated specifically to a parent she knows and trusts.
This is the same at all the many thousands of parties I've been to over the last two years.

ProphetOfDoom · 16/05/2016 12:58

I wouldn't drop & go my 4 yr dc at a big & busy soft play place unless they knew pretty well another adult assigned to look after them. Can't imagine doing that until a fair bit older tbh. Whete the party location is just the party-goers is a different matter.

I have had this happen last year as the host of reception party at a soft play place and whilst looking after someone else's child is always more worry than looking after your own, it's part of being a host and fortunately I had older dcs to keep an eye on them & tbh they were pretty bombproof! So I guess it's a matter of knowing your child.

sephineee · 16/05/2016 13:13

Done round here from reception (I even got left with a few at a pre school party once Hmm) but at village hall type parties. Non private soft gym for me would me BU.

idontlikealdi · 16/05/2016 13:21

Not normal where I am.

Neverknowingly · 16/05/2016 13:24

Some do it here, some don't which indicates to me that it is unreasonably to judge either way. I'd assume the parent's know their kids best and can make the best decision.

As a slight aside there is a drama club round here that does children's parties from 4 years old where the kids learn a small play and dance routine as part of the party then perform it at the end. The bane of their lives are the parents who won't leave the kids. They find it really cramps the kids style, adventurousness and willingness to throw themselves into it and takes away the joy of the kids at surprising the parents at the end.

Worcswoman · 16/05/2016 13:24

No but she may have asked another mum to watch out for her child so please don't be quick to judge. It's hard enough being a parent without folk jumping to worst case scenario.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 16/05/2016 13:25

DD is 4.2 and went to a party where she was dropped off and left on Saturday. This is the first like that - every other party so far the parents have stayed. I think the difference was that this party was also the first to take place in the birthday boy's house, not in a softplay or similar. But these are nursery-age kids - mostly just turning 4.

MLGs · 16/05/2016 13:26

It started to happen more in year 1 where I live, for 6th birthdays (and probably more with the older children in year the younger, iyswim).

Some were left in reception, but probably more those whose parents knew the party parents already. One girl was left at my DD's 4th party aged not quite 4 (so technically 3) but we knew her well and her Mum did ask.

HisNameWasPrinceAndHeWasFunky · 16/05/2016 13:33

it's about 60 (parents stay) / 40 (parents go) round here - gym, hall party or whatever. Some stay some go.

4yo DD has been to parties held after school on "her own"" as I have been working - she's always been perfectly fine and knows friends mothers who are there - they always have my phone number of course.

BackforGood · 16/05/2016 13:39

IME, once dc are at school, then they are also able to stay at parties by themselves.
It is absolutely the responsibility of the host to provide enough adults to loo after the number of dc they invite. This could be by asking some of the parents to stay and help, or it could be roping in Grandparents etc., or it could be inviting fewer dc, so you are able to look after all the guests.
By the time dc3 was in Reception, there did seem to be parents who stayed, but that certainly wasn't the norm for dc1 or 2, and it certainly has never been a requirement, or expectation.

Janeymoo50 · 16/05/2016 13:41

Is it really the done thing now for parents to stay with their kids at parties, whatever happened to best dresses on, present in hand, dropped at the door and collect 2 hours later? Yep, even at 4 years old.

EffieIsATrinket · 16/05/2016 13:43

Wouldn't drop and go at that age.

When I'm hovering on the periphery I usually get asked for help going to the toilet by other kids. I don't mind helping them but I don't really want my own DCs asking strangers for help. At a friend's party she had to get involved in changing a v upset 4yo who had wet herself.

Maryann1975 · 16/05/2016 13:44

If im hosting a party, I expect to be in charge of other people's children. If parents want to stay, that's fine, but I owuldnt expect them too. I remember doing dds 5th party at home, the majority of parents happily dropped and ran, except one. I knew them all, we had been friendly since the dc were born. I later found out the reason she stayed is becasue she wanted to have a nosy round the house to see what kind of stuff we had. If we hadn't moved area a couple of months later, she wouldn't have got a repeat invitation.
Also, those saying that the dc might need help with their meal, how much help do you think they get at school? One dinner lady between 30 children for our reception children here, they aren't baby birds, they don't need each mouthful pre-chewing before it goes anywhere near their precious little mouth. I'm sure the little girl in question managed to eat half a sandwich and a few crisps quite successfully unaided.

EffieIsATrinket · 16/05/2016 13:46

I wouldn't stay at a house party though unless specifically invited to - thinking more soft play or activity centre where toilets are a bit less accessible.

2catsnowaiting · 16/05/2016 13:56

Depends on the child and the family. I found by the time child 3 was Reception age I was dropping him and running whereas with child 1 I would've been inclined to stay. Partly because I am busier and more chilled out now and partly because as a 3rd child he is more confident and happy to be left.

Also, how do you know the mum is leaving the child with "someone she's only seen at the school gates". She could be her best friend for all you know. Or another mum who is a friend of hers was going to be staying and she had asked her to keep an eye on her child for her.

I also agree that if you host a party you are taking responsibility for other people's children, and in a soft play there is also their own security, in terms of, no children are allowed to leave on their own etc.

Children go on playdates in Reception, I'd think it was quite odd if the mum wanted to stay unless we were friends, so it's totally normal to drop a child of that age with a parent of a friend.