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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
RubyFlint · 16/05/2016 14:13

Where I live most parents of 5/6 year olds would stay, depending on the venue. More would drop and go at a small house party or church hall type place than at a public venue. But there would still usually be half staying around to help.

I wouldnt leave my 4 year old at a party though, unless they were in the care of one of my close friends.

AddictedtoSnickers · 16/05/2016 14:14

At 4 years old I would have been very surprised too. And it's not right to say that the party organiser always expects to take on the responsibility of the other children, they don't!! It would have to have either said so on the invite or been arranged between the parents beforehand.

frecklesagogo · 16/05/2016 14:14

uh oh. This could be about me. I dropped my DD (5) at a party at a soft play and collected her 2 hrs later. I had to work so asked in advance if a couple of the other mums would watch her. DD is very confident and articulate so I wasn't worried she would not be fed or shown where the loo was, and she stuck with her two mates so I convinced myself it was ok.

Now wondering if it was bad thing to do...

paxillin · 16/05/2016 14:16

I have no problem with drop and run as long as parents are aware village halls, playgrounds and parks do not have the sort of security schools have. I do not take responsibility for 30 kirs, even teachers take 5 adults for a trip to the park.

Most parents happily stay for some wine here, but I had one mum totally furious with me when I refused to take parental responsibility for 3 hours in a public park when hosting a picnic. She seriously thought I'd be able to run after her barely 4yo bolter and leave the party. She stayed in the end, turned out she had form for this kind of thing. I hasten to add siblings etc were welcome. They are much older now, but parents still often have a parallel party. And the bolter is still not too reliable in a park.

amarmai · 16/05/2016 14:16

The party was not in a rented play gym, but open to the public . The 12 cc wd have been impossible to keep track of with 50+ non party cc there plus their parents. Which points up the obv - the parents of the non party cc stayed and the parent of a party child did not . 4 years old is way to young to leave in that scenario. It's not up to the party throwing mum to keep track of this 4 year old. She has her own dc and the party itself to keep track of. Also I hate how ' HYSTERICAL' is being thrown around on mn lately . This is a woman hating word with a dangerous history for women.

helensburgh · 16/05/2016 14:16

If it had been closed.to the public then I'd say not weird but definatly not on in the situation you say.
May have been Ana range mentioned with the birthday child's parent perhaps.

Alidoll · 16/05/2016 14:30

Did u have a mobile number for the parent? If no then I'd have asked them to provide one or stay.

At DD 6th party some of the mum's left but one kid had a nosebleed at the soft play area. I'm a first aider so responded but thankfully "mum" was having a coffee at the restaurant part and came running through when she heard the crying and was able to calm her DD while I held her nose till it stopped bleeding. Would have been more difficult had mum not appeared tho so at least having a number you can get the person to come back ASAP (and tell the child that too and let them talk to mummy / daddy / carer).

Underbrella · 16/05/2016 14:35

Parents usually stay here so when we had a soft play party for our yr1 dc recently, I assumed parents would stay. We took our 4 dc and had arranged with other parents to take their 2 dc too. Other parents stayed too but one dad brought 3 (invited) children and then left. It wasn't until the fire alarm sounded that I realised I couldn't identify 3 kids who I was responsible for!

WaitrosePigeon · 16/05/2016 14:37

I would leave and have done. With prior permission and agreement with the party child's mum.

Thurlow · 16/05/2016 14:42

Not common around here but our 4yos are still in nursery, not reception.

I'll happily leave DD at a friends' house if we're all happy with that. DD would be fine with me leaving if she vaguely knew one of the adults or had been told which adult to talk to, but as it's not common I'd feel weir doing it.

RachelHRD · 16/05/2016 15:18

I wouldn't personally but at DS reception party a few years back I didn't know many of the kids or parents well as they were only a month into school and I had several parents ask if it was OK and then start heading for the door until I stopped them and said please leave contact number!
I think parties can be quite overwhelming at that age so most kids probably need a parent there.

CrushedNinjas · 16/05/2016 15:23

I agree that it depends on where you live as to what's deemed the norm in party etiquette.
When we had a party for my DS over here in Ireland, I was very surprised (and unprepared) that only one mum stayed (and she didn't speak English).
Where we'd lived in the UK previously most of the mum's would have stayed for the whole shebang. (4&5 yr olds)
Also, only one other boy in the class had a group birthday party in the first couple of years of school. The others just held family parties and afterwards it was things like trips to the cinema for birthday boy plus a couple of pals.

ladydepp · 16/05/2016 15:41

Drop and go is the norm in my part of London. I'm happy with it as long as the child is happy to stay without me, I know the party family (at least vaguely) and they have my number.

Had to call a good friend to come and get her sobbing daughter from a party when dd was 6, I think the age of the child is pretty irrelevant once they are 4+.

FrenchJunebug · 16/05/2016 16:31

I've just had a birthday party for my reception child and a lot of drop off (at my request). It's normal.

rachlouhart · 16/05/2016 16:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NattyNattyBooBoo · 16/05/2016 16:46

Was never normal where we live. I think one mother left there child at a party when they were 4 or 5 years old. She was pronounced unfit. No one round here would do it. Either a class or area thing by the looks of it. 😮

m0therofdragons · 16/05/2016 16:52

Was thinking about this thread today. Dtds are invited to a party. I told the mum they would probably be there but I need to find someone to have dd1. The mum replied that I could leave the twins as her and her dh will be there and it's only a small party. I've said I'll take dd1 for lunch next door to the venue in case I'm needed but I'm confident dtds will be fine.
Reading the thread above it looks like I lack class and am unfit as a mother. Oh well, dd3 will agree at the moment.

Kidsrulethishouse · 16/05/2016 16:53

My eldest is 6 and her last 2 parties the majority of her friends were just dropped off and left, whereas I will always stay when I take her to others childrens parties. The only exception was when it was a child whose mum I knew very well and the party was at her house x

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 16/05/2016 16:54

It happens here from around age 7/8 - no-one leaves them before that unless there is a friend there and a pre-arranged agreement to mind the child.

It's all dependant on area really.

bearsprincess1 · 16/05/2016 16:54

Lets through this question into the mix. How many of your parents stayed with you when you were invited to child/childrens party? Mine certainly didnt, infact they used to look forward to me being invited as it was 2 hours of peace for them! When did it become the 'norm' to stay?????

OnwardsAndUpwardsYo · 16/05/2016 16:55

It happens here from around age 7/8 - no-one leaves them before that unless there is a friend there and a pre-arranged agreement to mind the child.

It's all dependant on area really.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 16/05/2016 16:56

Drop and run is the norm here from school age.. I think the soft play have a rule that there needs to be 1 adult for every 8 or 10 party children.. But the expectation is that the host parents provide the adult supervision. (Although that was a few years ago, dc are slightly older now). Also mums judging other mums, not cool, you just don't know what other people are going through.

beautifuldaytosavelives · 16/05/2016 16:58

Not the norm at parties from our school. Drop off only started happening mid Year 2. That might have been because the mums are a gang of gasbags who don't get out often so we embraced the get-together!

SlicesMissus · 16/05/2016 17:00

Our eldest is 8 now. Bit of a mix in my experience, over the years sometimes parents have stayed and sometimes not (we have had church hall parties, wacky warehouse parties, and pop star video recording parties). Either way somehow I end up being the one taking her friends from back in Nursery to the toilet as I worked in her nursery.

Littleballerina · 16/05/2016 17:01

the parents probably have older children and are well past the freaking out at leaving a child at a birthday party stage.

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