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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl · 15/05/2016 20:41

Once they got to reception age I used to get really annoyed if parents stayed.
Ffs they manage all day at school without you. I barely had room for the children never mind unwanted adults

RabbitSaysWoof · 15/05/2016 20:43

I think it's normal behaviour for a parent to trust an almost five year old to cope for a couple of hours at a party. The adult child ratio in pre school is one to eight.
By the last term in reception the dc will be used to lining up for food (at lunch when they actually need food, not just extra treat food at parties) and taking themselves to the toilet. I don't believe these capable children regress to toddlers at the weekend.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 15/05/2016 20:54

My youngest is still pre-school age and parents are already starting to drop and run at parties. If you expect parents to stay and supervise at all then you need to invite them too and cater for them.

AHellOfABird · 15/05/2016 20:59

Prickly, your job involves offences against children. I'm guessing most of those are committed by a family member or family friend in a domestic environment, not by a parent hosting a party with many other children and adults present?

I do understand your worries but I guess these thread shows we should all double check expectations with the host rather than anything else!

wigglesrock · 15/05/2016 20:59

I have a reception aged (P1) child, very few parents stay at parties once they've started school. My dd has been to maybe six parties since September and I've stayed at one, I would need to be told in advance on the invite or by text if I had to stay.

paxillin · 15/05/2016 21:00

We offer wine for the parents. Our parties are often in an open park and I say you can drop, but only if you trust your child not to run off. It's their call, not every child can be trusted aged 4 and parks or play centres aren't gated in the way schools are.

TerriblePlanning · 15/05/2016 21:02

Reception aged children going to the toilets on their own - actually some would find this really tricky in a new environment. They might be absolutely confident in a familiar environment but not necessarily so in a new place or in a giant warehouse that soft plays generally are. The soft play nearest to us has the heaviest doors to the toilets to open - hard to push from the outside but almost impossible for a little one to open from the inside. I do remember finding a crying child inside because she could not open the door.

CaptainCrunch · 15/05/2016 21:02

I worked in child protection too, you're still being unreasonable.

LittleLuLu · 15/05/2016 21:08

In my experience there are always one or two mums that are happy to just dump their kids with all and sundry, and just assume that others will look after them whilst they go off and do as they please.

There is a mum of a girl in my DS's year, who has left her DD at parties from preschool onwards, regardless of whether her DD knows the birthday child's parents or not. Said mum also, from reception, would pull up in her car, let the daughter out and just let her go off into school on her own. That's from the age of 4 when most other children had their parents taking them into the cloakroom each morning.

Just seems like she can't be bothered doing anything child related really, which is a shame!

mummywithtwokidsplusdog · 15/05/2016 21:13

Totally normal to leave kids from 4 years old and up. I would expect the party hosts to look after my child e.g. Food and drink etc If you also have an older of younger child it's not always logistically possible to attend all parties with your child. Also depends on how confident your child is.

treaclesoda · 15/05/2016 21:15

LittleLuLu loads of posters have said that they drop and run because that is the norm where they live.

And at my DCs school, parents aren't allowed to accompany the children into the school after the first week, unless the child has specific problems. It is expected that you drop them at the school gates and they see themselves in. It's absolutely not the case that none of the parents can be bothered looking after their own children and everything to do with following the normal behaviour for where we live.

LittleLuLu · 15/05/2016 21:16

Well dropping a reception aged child out of a car is not normal in the area in which I live, treaclesoda.

Original poster
PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 21:17

Ahellofabird, yes you're right. I think things are taking their toll on me a bit at the moment. Not really the place to go into it at the moment, but it is all wearing me out and getting me a bit down. Think I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts. I don't know.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 15/05/2016 21:19

It was just the way you posted it LittleLuLu it made me think that you thought it was only done by parents who couldn't care less, rather than that you were referring to just your area.

LillyGrinter · 15/05/2016 21:23

As I said in my post, parents stay at our parties(Reception) but there is one lady who does disappear and every time the host ends up having to console her as she asks after her mum. If the Parents try and leave the kids on Saturday at my DD's party, I'll have to say no.

knackeredfarmingmummy · 15/05/2016 21:23

If it was a private rental of the gym, maybe ok? but not when its open house, she could have walked out the door?

AHellOfABird · 15/05/2016 21:25

Kfm, most soft plays have some kind of gate to prevent kids wandering out of the door - if a parent is there with two or more kids, there's no way to be eyes on at all times so the gate is important!

HamaTime · 15/05/2016 21:25

In my experience there are always one or two mums that are happy to just dump their kids with all and sundry, and just assume that others will look after them whilst they go off and do as they please

It's not all and sundry, it's the person you has invited her. Why the fuck shouldn't people do as they please (or go to work or look after their other children) while their child attends an event to which they were invited?

RabbitSaysWoof · 15/05/2016 21:28

if you would stop parents leaving have you said on the invite they have to stay?

paxillin · 15/05/2016 21:34

I don't say you must stay, but we do party in public places (picnics) etc and aged 4 a few are still bolters, so I do always say that among 30 kids I can't really ensure theirs won't run off, so it is the call of the parent entirely. No longer an issue, they are now old enough to be trusted.

One of ds's friends was a real bolter, I would not have looked after him unless I had someone at the door at my house. Public park? No way. Mum agreed in the end, too and stayed with a glass of wine.

LittleLuLu · 15/05/2016 21:36

Hama well in the case of the parent/child I referred to, it's the other parents at the party that end up looking after said child as party parent is understandably rushed off their feet! So no I don't think it's acceptable for a parent to just go off and do as they please, assuming that others will look after their offspring.

Peasandsweetcorn · 15/05/2016 21:36

If you want/need the parents to stay, I think you have to make this clear, provide food & drink for them (esp if over lunchtime) and allow siblings to come. If you don't make this clear, some parents will drop & run and, as a host, you should be prepared to keep an eye on those DC and help them if need be, whether you have been specifically asked to be or not. In this instance, the little girl who was left seems fine - yes, she got into some difficulties but knew to go & speak to the party child's mum, the person who was supposed to be looking after her as she invited her.
Where I live, some dropped & ran in reception and just about all do in Y1. I was one of the last to drop & run so would always keep an eye out for those who had been dropped off, check they had enough food at tea etc as well as help pass around jugs of squash, clear up, slice cake etc just because i'm a capable adult and, IME, having an extra pair of hands is useful at a party. I still found plenty of time to chat to other parents.
Having had some experience of child protection stuff, I go beyond what most local parents do & ask any parents who are dropping & running who is collecting the it child & also take a phone number.

treaclesoda · 15/05/2016 21:45

Glass of wine in the park whilst the kids picnic sounds lovely. Wish I lived somewhere that was legal, because that sounds like a please all sort of party. Smile

HamaTime · 15/05/2016 21:48

LittleLuLu When you are hosting a party, only invite the number of people that you can cope with. It's not rocket science. I've never known a soft play party where the parents are rushed off their feet, either understandably or otherwise. There is literally nothing to do beyond greeting people and relieving them of their gifts. It's the microwave ready meal of parties. These days lots of places even supply an actual 'party host'. Perhaps book one of these places if you insist on inviting people but not actually hosting.

It's not an 'assumption' that people will look after your offspring when they have specifically been invited. It's an expectation. If you want to meet up with parents at soft play then arrange it, but if you want to have a party then host the fucker.

paxillin · 15/05/2016 21:51

We certainly never had problems getting parents to stay, treaclesoda Wine.