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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Reception Child alone at Party

425 replies

PricklyLegs · 15/05/2016 17:51

Eldest went to the birthday party of a girl in her class yesterday. It was at a playgym which was open to the public - the kids all played then had something to eat. It lasted 2 hours. There were about 12 of them at the party and maybe 50 other kids there with their parents/whoever.

One of the girls in her class was dropped off by her mum and then picked up at the end.

Is this normal for a 4 year old at a playgym party? AIBU to judge said mother for putting the responsibility of watching the 4 yr old on a mother she's only seen at the schoolgates? Anyone could have been there. Anything could have happened.

OP posts:

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 16/05/2016 17:01

And bearsprincess, totally was drop and run when I was a kid (80's) and that was in a pretty posh area. For my birthday parties my mum might ask one particular mum friend to stay and the others left and I think that was the done thing in their friendship group.

treaclesoda · 16/05/2016 17:02

The soft play places where I live have staff supervising. No one over 12 is allowed on the play equipment or anything (except staff) so it's not like you'd be tagging along making sure the child doesn't fall or anything. The gate out of the play area is operated by a staff member too, so running out isn't an issue. It's always drop and run here but then again it's never a party for the whole class, and there are usually both parents and maybe grandparents and aunts/uncles there supervising the food.

Edma · 16/05/2016 17:02

This is the norm here. Mums never stay. That would be weird.

Cath40t · 16/05/2016 17:08

Must vary by location. I was used to kids parties (when they were young) being a mix of kids, their parents and other family members of the host. Parents would stay and have a beer/wine/coffee etc.
My first time hosting in a new country town kids were age 6, there were 12 of them. Thought it'd be a great way to meet the other mums/dads from my kids class. None of the parents stayed. Most of them didn't even get out their cars to say hello. I find that quite disturbing that they trusted me to look after their little kids for a couple of hours......without having met me.
Maybe she knew the mum who was hosting and pre arranged someone to keep an eye on her. I think 4 is too young to just drop off unattended. Especially when it's at a play gym full of other folks.

Beeziekn33ze · 16/05/2016 17:12

The child sounds as if she coped - needing the loo she simply asked the host mum to go with her. Simples. I guess OP could have offered at that point if she felt host mum needed help.

OptimisticSix · 16/05/2016 17:18

I don't stay with my (just 5 year old) at any parties except the ones at soft play centres. I would leave my 6 year old at those though

TurquoiseTranquility · 16/05/2016 17:19

Like others have said, this obviously varies by place, age of child and how confident said child is. Where I live (large-ish town, South East) dropping off a 4-y.o. would be weird unless another adult was looking after them. My eldest is 6 (yr.1) and many parents still stay even at house parties. In fact the only party we've been to where most parents left, the organising parent was the kids' class teacher. Generally, people would make a note in the invitation that it's fine to drop off and leave. I'm assuming tho, as they get to Yr 2, fewer and fewer kids will be chaperoned.

tigercub50 · 16/05/2016 17:26

My little girl is 7 & still has some toileting issues. I do leave her now but it took me a while before I was happy to do that.Even if she didn't have the problems, I wouldn't have left her at 4

Bananasinpyjamas1 · 16/05/2016 17:32

Yeah, I did a birthday party for my son aged 4 at a public park, and one mother just dropped and ran without asking me if that was OK! I thought it was quite rude, and I had enough to deal with without having to have eyes on her son in a public place!

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 16/05/2016 17:39

I almost always drop and run unless its at the play-place that has really good coffee and cake and a wifi signal. Then I stay, but only because I can drink coffee and browse on line.

stripycat · 16/05/2016 17:39

At 4 I think all parents stayed at a soft play party, or took turns minding one or two other kids eg I'd take DS & friend to party one, friend's parent then takes mine to party 2 etc. I think it was at about 6 or 7 that kids started to be dropped off & left but always with a double check of contact numbers in case and by 8 most were dropped off.

Mischa123 · 16/05/2016 17:40

There are many reasons why you might not stay, she may have wanted mum to go, I wouldn't stay if I had other children, for example, they are not invited so I need to look after them. I would always assume that if you invite children to a party you will look after said children. I don't think it is the mums place to ask the host to keep an eye on the child, of course she should, she invited them. Let them have some independence!!

APlaceOnTheCouch · 16/05/2016 17:42

When DS moved school(aged 6) we noticed a massive difference in parents' involvement at parties. Same city; about 20 minutes drive between the schools; both naice schools but at SchoolA all the parents stayed to supervise at parties; at SchoolB only a handful.

At the last softplay party we attended with SchoolB, the mum hosting was worried that she didn't know all the DCs and yet their parents had just dropped and ran. The host mum had to rely on the DCs to identify who was in the party group.

babybythesea · 16/05/2016 17:54

I also think it may be to do with where you live.
I live in a very small rural community. It's common for parents to stay. If it's a soft play then we'd take younger siblings and pay for them and they'd also get a chance to hang out with friends. In someone's house or a village hall some stay, some go. But then we all know each other and were friends before the kids started school. So a party is also a chance to hang out with mates for the afternoon while the kids play, and because we also all know the children, everyone pitches in with helping out. The kids are starting to turn 7 now, and we are starting to leave them more - the sorts of parties are changing so it's not as easy to stay and chat now.
Sometimes you'd have to leave your child, even really young, if there was another commitment. But then you'd ask people if they could keep an eye out and because they were friends they did, so it wasn't the same as asking people you didn't really know.

I'm sensing this is not typical. But then I also sense from the school gate threads that our general situation is not common, where we are friends first and school mums second.

Manyshadesofblack · 16/05/2016 17:56

I had a soft play party when my ds was 5 and it was a horrible experience for me. It was a party of around 20 and I did not know a lot of parents would drop and run. I didn't know most of the children and some of the boys started fighting. It was awful for me on my own to be looking after all these kids. So I found out the hard that it is common to drop and run in my area.

My ds is 7 and I stay at parties with him if they are in a public place.

Original poster

PricklyLegs · 16/05/2016 18:00

Frecklesagogo - I hope it isn't, but if it is you then I didn't mean to sound judgy and my questions were genuine as I do want to know the answer. I don't know when to leave my PFB.

Could be you if you live in Harrogate at a party 130 tof 330.xx

OP posts:

AnneEtAramis · 16/05/2016 18:01

At soft play I stay simply because there are so many children or arrange for another parent but any other party then I leave unless my children particularly want me there. DS3 had his first reception birthday a while ago and it was at home and the parents asked me if they needed to stay and I just let them decide.

elh1605 · 16/05/2016 18:02

In my experience it depends on how well the parents know each other, but generally no, 4yr olds are accompanyed by the parents. At a recent 6yr old party at a soft play centre parents were asked to stay.

PrimalLass · 16/05/2016 18:13

It's normal here. I probably left DD from 3 tbh if it was things in the village, as we all know each other, and maybe even at softplay parties nearby. DS wouldn't let me leave until he was 5 or 6, but he didn't grow up here the way DD did, so was less confident.

TheCrumpettyTree · 16/05/2016 18:14

Definitely not normal where I live. All parents stay. But my children aren't school age yet. One mum left her 3 year old, she didn't know the host parents, resulted in a distressed 3 year old.

Soft plays can be chaotic, how can you know your child won't just follow someone out. My pre schooler comes looking for me for a drink or the toilet, I'd never leave him at that age.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 16/05/2016 18:25

Half and half here - quite normal to leave or stay at that age. It's the turning point really. I would expect all parents to stay at three and very few to stay by five.

H1ppy · 16/05/2016 18:29

I own a soft play and it's definitely pretty normal for parents to leave children at a party. The party parent has overall responsibility for them (things like toilets and if there are any tears) but we have a phone number for children who are unattended in case of emergencies.

PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles · 16/05/2016 18:32

I think reception is a kinda transitional year for dropping off sty parties....by the time ds was in year 1 it was assumed we'd drop off but I might not have done it a year earlier.

Dd had her 4th birthday recently and someone left their 4yo(preschool).I was a bit surprised but had some spare grandparents hanging around so one of them kept an eye on her.

mysteriousbat · 16/05/2016 18:33

The first party dd went to in reception was at soft play and most parents disappeared. I was like "well this is a change from nursery". But all the ones after that parents have stayed. So I stay. So people don't write posts like this about me.
Parents never stayed at parties when I was a kid, but apparently kids can't cope these days....

swelchphr · 16/05/2016 18:44

That is not normal where I'm from. However, as others have said, we don't know if there was any discussion or agreement between those parents prior to the event.

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