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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why are police so useless and dont try prevent things

259 replies

Kitty3E · 15/05/2016 03:55

I'm having an issue with upstairs, im on my phone typing this so excuse mistakes.
Phoned police after last straw of upstairs who kicked my door three times as he left to go out.
He purposely stamps on the floor, walks arlund in boots 24/7 on laminate and makes noise whilst he knows im in a particular room. I understand perfectly these things arent a police matter

I called police for him kicking my door three times earlier and just as he came in at 2am

I called police at around 7pm, they just turned up at 3.40am woke me up to say they dont think its harassment
I said my partner who doesnt live with me is loosing his cool and they said to ask my partner to have a word with him Hmm
I said my partner will prob beat him up due to it beig clear he is a coward who is only picking on me cause im a young lone female with a baby.
They said its the cluncil duty of care but said they will notify intelligence due to him smoking weed n dealing

I honestly feel like its going to kick off very soon
Im trying to prevent this but it is very hard this man is trying to upset me and nobody will help me

What should i do

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 13:28

WTF is wrong with people on this thread? If you suspect benefit fraud and have tracked her down, then there is a hotline for people like you. Call it.

You say he stamps on the floor of whatever room he knows you are in. How noisy are you that he can identify what room you are in?

And as for this Hmm. It doesn't take a genius to work out that if you tap dance in hobnail boots in a flat, you're in with a good chance of annoying the people below. Or perhaps it does and I'm just very bright.

Original poster
Kitty3E · 15/05/2016 13:29

Unlucky that is what I am turning into, even when he is not here I feel like I can hear things from his flat like he is.
I only have a shower when he has gone out or is asleep because otherwise he will stamp above my head and purposely drop things.
Some people really do not understand the tourture it is. Thanks for sharing your story

OP posts:
unlucky83 · 15/05/2016 13:33

I did mean to say in that huge rant - my DP worked really long hours so I was mostly on my own with a small child. And he was a bully -
I used to have a pocket voice recorder running if I was outside -couldn't be used in evidence but the Police could know what was going on.
He did something that was taking the piss, DP spoke to him about it and recorded the conversation - he said no problem mate, fair enough, I'll move it - then as soon as DP had gone to work he came round yelling at me he wouldn't move it etc etc. If I hadn't heard the taped conversation I wouldn't have believed what DP had told me, the way he spoke to another 'man'...

unlucky83 · 15/05/2016 13:41

Kitty you really need to try and move. I don't think it will get better ...even if you get the police to take you seriously it takes years to get enough evidence. It doesn't matter you are in the right - who wins. You win anyway because you can live a normal life.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 13:50

He died suddenly and then I realised just what constant stress I'd been under, how awful it had been - I'd be walking DC home from school and would tense up as I came to turn the corner and would be able to see if he was around, I started hoping he wasn't around a mile away from home - especially if I had shopping to carry in so it would take me a while (I started getting tesco deliveries to avoid it) - maybe a year after his death I was gardening (something I only did when he was on holiday) and someone on the street coughed and I jumped and my heart froze with fear...

Completely understand unlucky83, although my harasser wasn't violent. She and her husband were outwardly extremely respectable. She moved in next door, we didn't do what she wanted - long story - and she started a campaign that included badmouthing us to the neighbours.

I used to dread going outside if she was there, and I never thought I'd say that about myself. For a couple of years after she moved, every time I heard a particular type of voice or saw someone who looked similar, I'd flinch. It's been nearly 10 years and sometimes I think I've spotted her.

Your home is the place where you should feel safe and secure and these people ruin it. Unless they've been through it, people don't understand.

HawkEyeTheNoo · 15/05/2016 13:51

Limited period are you suggesting I'm stupid? I'm asking as a serving police officer of over 21 years it would be the first question I would ask as deliberately doing that to a neighbour by following from room to room is entirely different to walking in boots, on laminate with no soundproofing with no intent to disturb. I think you are very rude.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 15/05/2016 13:54

I did not say i was a lone parent i said i was a lone woman. If my partner is away most the time i am alone

You said he doens't live with you. Does he or not?

AndNowItsSeven · 15/05/2016 13:58

I didn't say op was committing benefit fraud, a lone parent/woman not living with her babies father is entitled to claim as a single claim.
As op isn't on benefits it's irrelevant , just trying to work out why they weren't living together.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 13:59

Limited period are you suggesting I'm stupid?

Of course not. I was wondering whether I was really bright.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 14:07

As op isn't on benefits it's irrelevant , just trying to work out why they weren't living together.

Why would you want to know why they aren't together and why would it be relevant to know if she was on benefits or not? The only relevant things are that she says her neighbour is harassing her and she is unhappy with the police response.

LarrytheCucumber · 15/05/2016 14:09

You lucky the Police came out. Our nearest Police station is 12 miles away in a town with 76,000 inhabitants. If they sent anyone out ( which I doubt) it would be a PCSO a week later.

EddieStobbart · 15/05/2016 14:12

Does it matter why the OP and her partner don't live together?

TheWindInThePillows · 15/05/2016 14:17

It must be incredibly intimidating to have a drug dealer who seems to have it in for you living above you. I can't believe some of the people on this thread who are all blase about it would really be so if this guy lived above them and kicked the doors a few times when he went past- precisely to intimidate and to let you know he basically could kick your door in or hurt you if he wanted to.

The police (on 101) should have got you to keep a log of his harassing behaviour, because their new priorities are to safeguard and help vulnerable people- this includes preventing them being harassed by anti-social, nasty or otherwise intimidating neighbours! I would ring 101 again and ask to see a PCOS and keep reporting it every time he does it/note it down yourself/take photos if his bootprint is on the door and so forth.

It is not ok to be harassed in your own home where you should feel safe. He sounds thuggish and I would be extremely stressed living next to him.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 14:31

as a serving police officer of over 21 years it would be the first question I would ask

And as someone who has been harassed by a neighbour for the offence of not doing what she wanted me to do, I would find that an extremely unwelcome opening gambit by a police officer, especially one of 21 years' standing HawkEyeTheNoo

unlucky83 · 15/05/2016 14:55

limited I completely understand that ...I am the same -most people who knew me wouldn't believe I'd become so intimidated.
He wasn't violent either but definitely aggressive and threatening, the worse he did really was shout and swear at me . Although he once said something to me that made me think he was going to kill my cat Sad and I was frightened about him having a go at my DCs. I spent years trying to keep the peace -ignoring unreasonable things he did - then when I did complain (or rather I spoke to the council to see if I could do something and they came out to look at what he'd done and because I didn't kick up a fuss turned a blind eye, even though it was against regulations) was when the serious intimidation started...Sad

HawkEyeTheNoo · 15/05/2016 15:36

Limited ah... So you don't want an impartial investigation? You don't want to be entirely confident that I was thorough and diligent in my enquiries and investigation? You see limited, it is the duty of an officer to report and investigate ALL the circumstances. Working out whether the alleged harasser is following OP from room to room or just stamping is a very important question, (obviously not to you) you see, the last time I dealt with a similar issue, the alleged harasser had drilled through the ceiling from the loft area and was watching the victim . I merely asked the OP and did not expand as I felt she didn't need to be worrying about something more or frightening her. I'm sorry you don't think that this is a suitable question/line of enquiry.
Again... I find you rude

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 16:00

hawkeye if you had called round in my distressed state and the first thing you said was this: 'You say he stamps on the floor of whatever room he knows you are in. How noisy are you that he can identify what room you are in?' I would have felt your soft skills needed a little work. That's an understatement btw. I'd have been really pissed off.

Is that really how you approach an allegation of harassment? The police officers who dealt with me had an entirely different approach but were no less than thorough.

MardleBum · 15/05/2016 16:11

Are you SURE you haven't posted about this before? Like about 20 times under about 10 name changes? don't make me link to them all Sometimes it's the guy upstairs, sometimes it's the old guy downstairs, sometimes it's the racist mad woman, they complain about you, you complain about them, around you all go in circles complaining about each other...?

HawkEyeTheNoo · 15/05/2016 17:50

Limited. Although I said it would be the first thing I would ask, you are taking it entirely literally just to be a pita aren't you? I clearly didn't mean that was my opening gambit.

You'd be pissed off? You mean like I am right now having my ability to do my job questioned by someone who is very unlikely to know anything about what I deal with on a daily basis! Feel free to have dealt with the death I dealt with today...

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 18:36

Hawkeye I understand that being a police officer is a stressful job in which you need to control your emotions no matter who you meet and under what circumstance. There are many other jobs with the same requirement.

I would expect a police officer to be able to calm a situation and instil confidence with quiet authority. Therefore I find your responses to me odd - especially since I've said that I experienced unprovoked harassment from a neighbour that had a very great effect on me. I take them to be aggressive, defensive and patronising and, as I said, I would not have welcomed them, no matter how good your detective skills.

That may not be your intention, but that's how it's coming over to me. Getting someone's back up is not the best approach when interviewing the alleged victim of harassment, and the victim and their feelings should matter, shouldn't they?

I don't know why I'm having to explain that to someone who says they are an experienced police officer. I've met a lot of them; the ones I most admired expressed things somewhat differently to you.

Anyway, I'm just going to take it that you are having a bad afternoon and that you don't usually respond in this way to people you meet in the course of your job.

EddieStobbart · 15/05/2016 18:44

Well, I've learned from this thread that only one poster in the whole of MN posts about their neighbour and don't bother the police unless it's you your neighbour is kicking not just your front door.

I hope my current neighbours never sell up.

HawkEyeTheNoo · 15/05/2016 18:50

So it's ok for you to get someone's back up with rudeness and personal attacks on the ability of someone to do their job!? Nice.... Apologies if your backs up, think about how I felt on asking genuine question regarding the OP and how the neighbour knew where she was in her house. If she hadn't answered as she did I would have pm'd her and told her to get back onto the police and make sure they are aware of it as like I said previously, I have had experience where holes were being drilled through a loft to see the person. I'm sorry if you don't think this is an appropriate question, I like to think that the security and safety of people is paramount in my job (which according to you I don't do very well).
I think you will find that YOU have been thoroughly rude to me when I was asking a genuine question to help the OP and you have further twisted it ignoring the reasons why I was asking.
You have bothered me quite a lot today and your posts have played on my mind, If this was your intention well played. I don't want to engage with you any further as I have wasted enough energy initially worrying that you thought I was suggesting the OP was noisy and thereafter personal attacks on me.

limitedperiodonly · 15/05/2016 19:16

I have not made a personal attack on you Hawkeye. I told you how your approach to your job as a police officer would make me feel as a victim. As someone who experienced severe harassment from a neighbour and was happy with the response of the police officers who dealt with it, I feel qualified to comment.

You called me a pain in the arse.

Original poster
Kitty3E · 15/05/2016 19:53

Mardle stop obsessing over this. I cannot believe you are going through old threads, get a life.

And i am not surprised at the poster who has claimed to be a cop, any dealings i and others i know have had with cops have been the same even when my friend had her house robbed by someone she knew., it must of been something she did to provoke the person.

OP posts:
HawkEyeTheNoo · 15/05/2016 21:03

Are you shitting me??? Claims to be a cop? And another "the way I do my job" how the fuck would you know? I'll tell you this I'm out of this, a waste of time and energy and to be honest, been harassed? I'm not fucking surprised!!