Boyfriend's "close female friend"

[RussianTwist]

I'm prepared to be ripped apart, such is the protocol on AIBU, but I'm feeling rather sassy today so can deal.

Been dating a bloke for about 2 months. We had a pregnancy scare resulting from drunkenness, stupidity and my dirty talk that got out of hand (just use your imagination with the dirty talk, I'm not elaborating). I took the Morning After Pill but nonetheless was having a lot of chronic pregnancy symptoms.

BF told the above to his "close female friend" apparently for advice on how to handle me. He showed her my facebook page and some career related stuff so she could get a feel for my personality. She lives in his home country, hundreds of miles away fyi.

Tbh I feel my privacy has been violated. I asked him if he would be okay with me telling a male friend about our sex life and he said "No! Of course not! Men aren't interested in such things". Blatant double standards. His argument is that men don't want to listen about feels (YET in the past this female friend of his confided in him about a miscarriage - how the hell does that work if men don't want to listen about feels?!)

We've only been dating for two months and, although he is highly apologetic, I'm not sure if I want to continue in a relationship with a female BFF hanging around. I've never been in this situation before and don't know how to handle it, not sure if I even want to try. One thing I'm certain about is that I am not a person that will whine and manipulate a man to try and dilute his friendship with this woman. I know I need to accept it or bail. I'm tinkering with bail, but I do love this man.

Help!

[Curviest]

So, you have told us, a bunch of strangers, all these details, but you claim he should not be allowed to tell his close friend the same things?

Duh?

[RussianTwist]

He's already acting cocky ("Bright your overnight bag because we know you'll be sleeping").

(Waves, yes I know you're still reading the thread).

You guys have sure boosted his ego. If that was required. Well done. Wine for everyone.

And no, I'm not bringing the overnight bag because I fucking stick with my principles. If my hurt is unreasonable then the poor sod that dates me next is deserving of your sympathy.

[RussianTwist]

Curviest AFTER the fact.

I wouldn't have dreamed of doing it.

[FelicityGubbins]

I wouldn't even bother meeting him tonight op, just scrape the gobshite off and be done.

[PatriciaHolm]

Gosh, you sound like terribly hard work.

[RussianTwist]

Felicity I like to end things in an adult manner (yeah I know, she talks like a teen but wants to act like an adult, etc, etc). I value the closure and saying my peace.

[RussianTwist]

Patricia yeah. Pity the poor menz.

[Perbsy]

Integrity is attractive, he doesn't have any. Move on.

[RussianTwist]

Would you guys like an update tonight, or are you bored already?

[OfaFrenchmind2]

Irrespective of all the red herring (the discussion about feminism, the vocabulary etc...), I think you will do well to dump the smug asshole. He can fuck up another relationship by being all anti-choice and a fucking blabber mouth (seriously, he did not ask his friend for advice, he told her about very intimate sexual discussion. Can anyone see the HUGE difference??).
Fuck him, and fuck the enabling assholes on this thread. Dump the bastard, and indeed find the right man.
Normally I would be the "cool wife", as some on MN sneer about, but I can see the difference between asking some relationship advice and publishing a tell all book to a third party.

[RussianTwist]

Ofa Thanks so much. The handful of supportive voices on this thread have helped to keep my self-esteem intact. For a moment I felt gaslighted (my hurt was illogical and unreasonable? Yet so visceral and strong).

My feelings are my feelings and I'm entitled to them. I think my next boyfriend will respect them and all will be well. I still have hope.

[gamerchick]

I don't think I would go if he's being a smug git. The temptation to knee him in the clemmies would be too intense.

[RussianTwist]

Nah gamer his smugness will validate my decision. Bring it on.

[AyeAmarok]

OP, this is a really disproportionate reaction, both to a very minor issue of him talking to his friend about his relationship (I can't imagine he went into graphic detail about your dirty talk and subsequent sex, I imagine it was more of a "she said she wanted to feel me come inside her, and I did. Hence pregnancy scare". Big whoop?). But also to the responses in this thread.

[RussianTwist]

I'm on my way into town with no overnight bag and a return ticket. He can be smug all he likes. I pity his next girlfriend just as you guys pity my next boyfriend. Coincidently this is the shortest relationship I've ever had. Most men have maintained > 2 year with me so I can't be the crazy psycho you're all making me out to be.

[dragonsarebest]

I still don't understand why you're continuing to post knowing that he's reading (and having shared it with him in the first place, actually). I don't understand that at all. Why? Were you hoping everyone would back you up? Why don't you just have a direct conversation with him? All very odd tbh.

[RussianTwist]

Because I genuinely wanted to see if IWBU and was willing to put myself on the line. Turns out I'm a crap girlfriend so he's better off without me. My feelings are "crazy" apparently. Even if they are, it makes sense to avoid having them triggered by this man. And according to you guys this prince among men should have no problem shacking up with a "cool woman". It's me who'll end up on the scrap heap if this thread is anything to go by. Zero fucks given. Based on my past experience I think I'll be just fine.

[MrsRolandRat]

Russian I know you well from another group.

One word GET RID this guy is crazy!

I know a little more of the background details.

Dump him and move on.

He's not that stable

Hello Waves to Russians boyfriend

[gamerchick]

Good luck OP.

[RussianTwist]

Okay I'm drunk. The faceoff is occurring at 6.30.

[Rebecca2014]

Hey, all I can say is if a relationship this hard only two months in then your flogging a dead horse.

Good luck for your future :)

[RussianTwist]

Thanks Rebecca.

And to all the others:

HATERS GONNA HATE.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I know you from another group OP
I have a male friend who I tell everything to, if my mythical OH was bothered I would do my best to stop or at least tone it down, I certainly wouldn't tell my OH he couldn't tell details to someone else.

OP's boyfriend:
Please leave her alone, you're not good for each other.

[LittleMissBossyBoots]

His biggest mistake was letting you know that he'd had this discussion with his friend. What sort of immature muppet does that?

[MrsRolandRat]

Little one who's a bit unstable, as this guy appears to be. I know a few more details about him. Its all about attention seeking. Immature pathetic and not how you should conduct yourself in a normal healthy relationship.