Boyfriend's "close female friend"

[RussianTwist]

I'm prepared to be ripped apart, such is the protocol on AIBU, but I'm feeling rather sassy today so can deal.

Been dating a bloke for about 2 months. We had a pregnancy scare resulting from drunkenness, stupidity and my dirty talk that got out of hand (just use your imagination with the dirty talk, I'm not elaborating). I took the Morning After Pill but nonetheless was having a lot of chronic pregnancy symptoms.

BF told the above to his "close female friend" apparently for advice on how to handle me. He showed her my facebook page and some career related stuff so she could get a feel for my personality. She lives in his home country, hundreds of miles away fyi.

Tbh I feel my privacy has been violated. I asked him if he would be okay with me telling a male friend about our sex life and he said "No! Of course not! Men aren't interested in such things". Blatant double standards. His argument is that men don't want to listen about feels (YET in the past this female friend of his confided in him about a miscarriage - how the hell does that work if men don't want to listen about feels?!)

We've only been dating for two months and, although he is highly apologetic, I'm not sure if I want to continue in a relationship with a female BFF hanging around. I've never been in this situation before and don't know how to handle it, not sure if I even want to try. One thing I'm certain about is that I am not a person that will whine and manipulate a man to try and dilute his friendship with this woman. I know I need to accept it or bail. I'm tinkering with bail, but I do love this man.

Help!

[DingleberryFinn]

His fear is greater than yours because it's your body and your ultimate call on whether you have an abortion or not. He doesn't really get a say.

[RussianTwist]

Like your boyfriend, not many people would be keen on it being the other way round. Not commendable, but within the realms of normal.

Can you elaborate on this?

Would that be with some understanding that they could be your friend?

Not sure I understand. My point was that after reading this thread he will carry on behaving as he is. And his next girlfriend will have to face it. Only this time he is boosted by the knowledge that apparent;y he is doing no harm. So bravo mumsnet.

[UmbongoUnchained]

But he isn't doing any harm!

[RussianTwist]

Telling a third pasrty something so intimate without even asking me first. Yep carry on. Perfectly fine.

Good luck to his future girlfriends.

[BillSykesDog]

You have an abortion or you don't have an abortion. It's your choice. You don't say 'I am having an abortion if we're not married'. That's straight up emotional blackmail.

And agreeing to make relationship decisions based on what people on an Internet forum is lunacy.

[RussianTwist]

He's reading this. You've all done very well.

I'm sure the women to come after me will appreciate you guys. If I am unreasonable than I am unreasonable. My hurt must be wrong. I must be some kind of freak for feeling it. Let's hope his future girlfriends are as cool as you guys.

[RussianTwist]

And btw I'm not even divorced from my ex yet. I was NOT trying to manipulate him. YRBU!!!

[UmbongoUnchained]

Good luck to your future boyfriends.

You sound cray.

[RussianTwist]

Mental health slur. Nice.

Contrary to you anon keyboard warriors maintain, I still believe there is a man out there for me, who will love me as I am. Because I am a loving person.

[dragonsarebest]

This has to be a wind-up.

[EponasWildDaughter]

You're 33. You're married, about to get divorced. And there's all this angst over some bloke you've known 2 months.

[quencher]

Op, am with you solely on the fact that he thinks it's ok for him to talking about every part of your life with another female but you cannot do the same with another man if you had one. The whole thread is being derailed and people missing the point. That is where you mentioned the feminist bit. Why is it so hard for people to understand things.

[BedTimeNow]

Russian are you ok? why don't you leave the thread for a bit, it seems like you want to be 'Flamed' I'm not sure why?

[gamerchick]

Just going on the first post I would go nuts if my new bloke said all of that to a friend never mind showing them my facebook to find out what sort of person I was whether it was a male or female friend.

You aren't compatible by a long stretch reading further on in the thread.

Just bin and move on.. It just isn't worth it so early in.

[quencher]

Of course he spoke to his best friend about it. You've been dating for 2 fucking months!
I've been married to my husband for 5 years and still speak to my best friend about things.

Who incidentally happens to have a penis.

The op should be allowed to have this chat too with someone who has a penis not just vaginas. That is the whole point of this. That is why the op is hurt.

[UmbongoUnchained]

She is allowed to have that chat. If she that much of a feminist then tell him to fuck off and chat to her mates about it anyway.

[RussianTwist]

Epona I'm meeting him this evening. I'm going to do the right thing and wish him well. And I agree with you - angst should not be occurring this early if at all.

I'm sticking with the thread because tough love hurts. But it's important, no?

I'll find someone who loves me at some point in the future. I'll be okay. This is a blip in my life.

[crazymammy]

Please don't all jump on me at once.... but, my best friend is a man and he shares details with me. Our relationship is, and always has been, purely platonic. So I don't see the issue with your BF getting advice from one of his best friends. Would you be this upset if his friend was a guy? Did you speak to your friends about it?
I'm just saying, from my point of view & experience, his friend could be a valuable source of advice and it's quite nice that he was concerned enough to ask someone to help him figure out how to handle the situation. I know when by friend has asked me advice I have never judged the other woman or let it colour my opinion of her once I've met her. If you're not comfortable with him discussing details with his friend then just tell him. If he's into you he should be cool with that. But in all honesty, a BF having a female friend is normally a good thing... because she can see the womans point of view and can sometimes explain it to him better than you can.
I speak with my friend about men I'm dating and ask his advice. I find it really useful because something I think a man is being unreasonable about my friend can explain it to me and help me see their pov.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Some one seems to have been on the vodka already today

[FelicityGubbins]

If I found out my DH had been discussing what used to be euphemistically called "pillow talk" I would go fucking ballistic, irrespective of the gender of the person he told, some things are between two people and not one gobshite and his audience...