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AIBU?

Boyfriend's "close female friend"

166 replies

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 11:37

I'm prepared to be ripped apart, such is the protocol on AIBU, but I'm feeling rather sassy today so can deal.

Been dating a bloke for about 2 months. We had a pregnancy scare resulting from drunkenness, stupidity and my dirty talk that got out of hand (just use your imagination with the dirty talk, I'm not elaborating). I took the Morning After Pill but nonetheless was having a lot of chronic pregnancy symptoms.

BF told the above to his "close female friend" apparently for advice on how to handle me. He showed her my facebook page and some career related stuff so she could get a feel for my personality. She lives in his home country, hundreds of miles away fyi.

Tbh I feel my privacy has been violated. I asked him if he would be okay with me telling a male friend about our sex life and he said "No! Of course not! Men aren't interested in such things". Blatant double standards. His argument is that men don't want to listen about feels (YET in the past this female friend of his confided in him about a miscarriage - how the hell does that work if men don't want to listen about feels?!)

We've only been dating for two months and, although he is highly apologetic, I'm not sure if I want to continue in a relationship with a female BFF hanging around. I've never been in this situation before and don't know how to handle it, not sure if I even want to try. One thing I'm certain about is that I am not a person that will whine and manipulate a man to try and dilute his friendship with this woman. I know I need to accept it or bail. I'm tinkering with bail, but I do love this man.

Help!

OP posts:

Report

wallybantersjunkbox · 15/05/2016 21:03

You guys have sure boosted his ego. If that was required. Well done. Wine for everyone.

Surely you did that when you shared the thread with him, OP?

GipsyDanger · 14/05/2016 23:15

I'm with you OP, your private affairs should remain private, regardless of gender. You do not discuss your sex life with anyone other than your partner.

AyeAmarok · 14/05/2016 22:50

You're indulging a bit in all this drama, OP. But unfortunately you're the only one that going to end up getting hurt.

silverpenny · 14/05/2016 22:48

If you stay over at his use protection hey?

Gabilan · 14/05/2016 22:37

OP you seem to be giving people on this thread way too much power.

Dump him. Don't dump him. But do whichever you want. And stop blaming randomers on the internet.

gamerchick · 14/05/2016 21:47

He's going to pull out all the stops and make you end up laughing OP. You'll be weak then.

It's ok but he does sound like a total knobber from what I've gleaned from this thread. If you want to end it then leave now.

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 21:16

He's convinced I'm a good girlfriend but I keep quoting you guys. The unbiased third party.

OP posts:

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 21:15

I'm trying to dump him but I'm weak as hell. Ended up at his house like a pathetic tool of the patriarchy. Apparently I can't even be a feminist these days.

OP posts:

megantrainwreck · 14/05/2016 21:08

to know a baying mob when he sees one it takes one to know one.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 14/05/2016 20:23

to know a baying mob when he sees one

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 14/05/2016 20:22

It's nice that he's kind enough to see a baying mob when he sees one, even though the baying mob is on 'his' side. However, most men can recognise bitchiness when they see it and he'd have to be a real nastypants to be pleased that someone they care about is on the other end of it. But at the end of the day, the original problem is a different issue, and it's still a problem. And will probably continue to be a problem unless you can make progress tonight.

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 20:09

But apparently you guys say he's done nothing wrong and IM the bitch.

Well guess what? He think you're all trolls. He's called you all snakes and says I shouldn't let you guys make me feel bad about myself.

so who has fucked up in this mess?

I don't even know what to do now.

OP posts:

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 14/05/2016 19:52

Granted he was wrong but maybe he did it in an innocent way sort of like

Him - holy shit russian and I had a pregnancy scare
Her - are you stupid did you not wrap up?
Him - yeah I did...
Her - ah so it burst.. Shit luck
Him - not as such
Her - what?

And it went from there. I highly doubt a grown man would ring his friend up male and female and be like look this and this happy maybe it was more of coaxing it out of him. If he's apologised and says he won't do it again there's no harm done. Everyone deserves ONE chance if he does it again that's when you say bye bye

Wannabestepfordwife · 14/05/2016 19:19

Yanbu to feel betrayed. I'm a very private person and don't discuss my sex life with friends so if dp discussed intimate details with his friends (regardless of sex) I would be mortified and my trust would be broken.

I can understand his need to talk/support over your pregnancy scare but he did not to go into intimate details.

Op having said this you really do not sound ok. Please don't drink anymore and get yourself home. No man is worth feeling this

zzzzz · 14/05/2016 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 18:53

Loo update: okay. I've arrived.

OP posts:

MrsRolandRat · 14/05/2016 18:48

Little one who's a bit unstable, as this guy appears to be. I know a few more details about him. Its all about attention seeking. Immature pathetic and not how you should conduct yourself in a normal healthy relationship.

LittleMissBossyBoots · 14/05/2016 18:40

His biggest mistake was letting you know that he'd had this discussion with his friend. What sort of immature muppet does that?

MyGastIsFlabbered · 14/05/2016 18:21

I know you from another group OP
I have a male friend who I tell everything to, if my mythical OH was bothered I would do my best to stop or at least tone it down, I certainly wouldn't tell my OH he couldn't tell details to someone else.

OP's boyfriend:
Please leave her alone, you're not good for each other.

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 18:09

Thanks Rebecca.

And to all the others:

HATERS GONNA HATE.

OP posts:

Rebecca2014 · 14/05/2016 18:03

Hey, all I can say is if a relationship this hard only two months in then your flogging a dead horse.

Good luck for your future :)

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 18:02

Okay I'm drunk. The faceoff is occurring at 6.30.

OP posts:

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gamerchick · 14/05/2016 17:58

Good luck OP.

MrsRolandRat · 14/05/2016 17:54

Russian I know you well from another group.

One word GET RID this guy is crazy!

I know a little more of the background details.

Dump him and move on.

He's not that stable

Hello Waves to Russians boyfriend

RussianTwist · 14/05/2016 16:03

Because I genuinely wanted to see if IWBU and was willing to put myself on the line. Turns out I'm a crap girlfriend so he's better off without me. My feelings are "crazy" apparently. Even if they are, it makes sense to avoid having them triggered by this man. And according to you guys this prince among men should have no problem shacking up with a "cool woman". It's me who'll end up on the scrap heap if this thread is anything to go by. Zero fucks given. Based on my past experience I think I'll be just fine.

OP posts:

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