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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to tell my OH about my personal groomin??

194 replies

Heresashitinaboxpat · 13/05/2016 19:47

I refer to this as mummy maintaince and what I mean is... I'm bleaching my upper lip and finding where my bikini line ends and leg hair begins!
Should I be honest?
Do you ladies/ gents keep anything like this secret?

OP posts:

pearlylum · 17/05/2016 07:10

It's not just to do with being "ashamed" of female body hair though, for me it's just a case of having some things that are private.
Just because I am in a relationship with someone doesn't mean I have to share everything.
I want some privacy to do certain things, as does he.
I don't want to watch him shit, I don't want to shit in front of him, nor cut my toenails, shave my legs, or file hard skin from the bottom of my feet.
i don't find these activities fun or pleasant to watch,

Some things don't need an audience.

MrsKoala · 17/05/2016 07:16

Because i am hairy and dark with fair sensitive skin i tend to get a full waxing and have done since i was 16. This means whoever i am with needs to accept the re-growth phase. It means i have never been with a man who 'cringes' at it (or if they did they did it inwardly - anyone who openly cringed at any of my body wouldn't be seeing it again).

I remember having a wax once and the beautician saying 'oh your dh will be chasing you round the bedroom tonight' and i thought really? I have had beauticians be quite rude about it and visibly recoil. I often don't bother with underarm hair as i just forget as removing it doesn't make any real improvement on my life. I don't bother in the winter at all. I have had some looks of disgust on the tube tho.

TrillKitten · 17/05/2016 07:24

pearlylum Heh, I'm not suggesting it should be a spectator sport I guess I just read OP's post and thought secret meant not wanting to admit it / hiding it / making up cover stories for it inventing weird names for it - which seems a bit far in the other direction. Middle ground, innit. I don't want to be seen pooping by another adult, ever, but I don't feel the need to keep it secret that I do!

pearlylum · 17/05/2016 07:29

I get your point kitten.
I read it as if it was something that the OP needs to confess to.
My OH is unaware of which body parts I attend to, but I know he isn't interested.
If i were to suddenly announce that I have to bleach my moustache or shave my toes he would think I had lost the plot in even telling him.

HeresashatinaboxpAt · 17/05/2016 08:10

I didn't know really how open to be... My oh is super private but I'm a bit of an over sharer and have no limits as to when to draw the line... Was kinda wondering if a line actually does need to be drawn or whether I should not care!

HeresashatinaboxpAt · 17/05/2016 08:14

I am also adjusting to the new amount of hair growing I wax and then I find more grows further down wtaf is that all about? It's like a trick!

pearlylum · 17/05/2016 08:16

Would it make you feel better by sharing? Would your OH feel better by knowing these things?

I have a super private OH too, if I pop to the beauty salon then I may mention casually that I have been, he wouldn't ask or want to know what treatments I was having.
You can have s good solid close relationship without sharing every detail of your life.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/05/2016 09:09

I remember having a wax once and the beautician saying 'oh your dh will be chasing you round the bedroom tonight' and i thought confused really?

Yeah, I have heard stuff like that before. Its curious isn't it?

Do men actually turn down women with hairy legs then? I never have been [hairy preen]

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2016 09:24

I don't think the beautician was referring to leg hair...............

Helmetbymidnight · 17/05/2016 09:34

Ah! It's a different generation!

MrsKoala · 17/05/2016 10:08

It was a full leg and bikini line wax - not anything like a brazillian. i do think she was referring to leg hair actually in this instance, but i do know men who turn down sex if a woman is hairy. I had a narrow escape from one. We were on for a ons and and he put his hands down my pants and pulled his hand up as if he'd been stung and jerked back and said 'eww you don't shave your pussy' i said 'no ' and he said 'oh i'm not up for it then unless it's anal, or you can give me a blow job'. Reader, i did NOT marry him! Twat!

UmbongoUnchained · 17/05/2016 10:37

It's perfectly fine to have personal preference though. If you're not turned on by hair there's not a lot you can do about it.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/05/2016 10:42

No I guess there isn't.

You've got to wonder though, why on earth someone can be turned on by the opposite sex's body until they make that shocking discovery that they haven't removed their pubic hair. What lead them to such a preference?

UmbongoUnchained · 17/05/2016 10:46

Well for me I just really don't like hair. It's a sensory thing. The thought of my husband lying on top of me all hairy makes me want to vomit. Especially when things get a bit sweaty...

MrsKoala · 17/05/2016 10:46

Of course, but then i would expect someone to realise that women had hair there and that plunging your hand down an adults pants would more than likely result in touching pubic hair. If you have certain tastes then you cater for them specifically by ensuring the person you are with also has them. Hair is the norm on adults. He also said it was 'weird' not to shave with a look of obvious disgust. This is not just saying 'i have a sexual preference'. This is being repulsed at normality.

I studied fetishisation at university and the trends in hair fetishisation is very interesting. I understand now that a lot of both men and women remove all body hair completely. Which obviously is totally their choice, but to be so blinkered by it that you expect this to be the norm is strange i think.

MrsKoala · 17/05/2016 10:47

See i'm the other way, i love a hairy bloke, especially beards.

MrsKoala · 17/05/2016 10:48

Although i have been with many hairless men too. It wouldn't put me off if i liked a person.

Helmetbymidnight · 17/05/2016 10:49

The thought of my husband lying on top of me all hairy makes me want to vomit.

So he removes all his body hair?! Blimey!

Before you shagged the first time, did you know he did, or did you just hope he did?

UmbongoUnchained · 17/05/2016 10:58

He doesn't have a lot of body hair naturally so it's not too much of an issue. I mean obviously I wouldn't kick him out of bed for not shaving but I wouldn't enjoy sex half as much.

koala I snogged a guy with a beard once and I broke out in hives! Think I'm actually allergic to hairy men

MrsKoala · 17/05/2016 11:01

Good good - more for me ;)

RubbishMantra · 17/05/2016 11:09

When epilating my mummy's intimate area , DH heard me yelping, he asked "Are you OK?" When I told him what I was doing, he said not to do it on his account, "you're a woman, and women have pubes".

I'd happily shave my legs/pits in the bath, with him sitting on the loo, (not having a poo), with the seat down, chatting. Then I'd proudly ask him to feel how smooth my legs were.

Sometimes we even used to wash each other's hair.

I used to love squeezing the (sadly very occasional) spot for him.

RubbishMantra · 17/05/2016 11:23

Wasn't shaving my mum's "intimate area", just to be clear. Bleurgh.

eitak22 · 17/05/2016 11:32

I really dont get why you need to tell him. Its a going for a shower/bath is it not?

I don't feel the need to broadcast i'm off to shave my arms.

ParanoidGynodroid · 17/05/2016 11:40

The thought of my husband lying on top of me all hairy makes me want to vomit

Blimey. Seriously? My DH is very hairy, couldn't give a stuff about body hair (on himself or on me). But, y'know, I kinda like him, and that's a bit more important in a relationship than the right amount of bodily hair, surely?

Imagine a man with a stubbly chest lying on top of you. Nightmare!

On a different note, I have (rightly or wrongly) got the impression that young people are whipping off body hair left, right and centre these days (even pubic hair) and so was delighted when my DD (21) mentioned that she wasn't bothered about body hair, and only shaved her armpits because she's involved in a sport and would get sweaty otherwise.

MummySparkle · 17/05/2016 11:44

Is it just me that has no problem with personal grooming in front of DP? Our bathroom door has no lock and doesn't shut properly at the best of times so we just don't bother. Plenty of times he has walked in with my trimming my pubes and laughed hysterically at me! I should probably sort them more often, but it's not really a priority in my life. I hate having them gone and I've never had a decent trimmer so I tend to trim short with scissors and then shave the edges. The trimming gets a bit messy and blocks the bath / shower so I've taken to do it putting each leg through the handle of a carrier bag to hold it open and let it all fall in there probably why he finds it so funny

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