To not want to breast feed?

[LouBlue1507]

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and have decided I'm going to bottle feed my baby.

I know breast is best but the thought of breast feeding really grosses me out and makes me feel sick. It's not something I will feel comfortable doing either.

Not only that but I don't want my baby stuck on my chest all the time.

Before I get flamed, I have nothing against women who choose to breastfeed, I have no problem seeing it, Just the thought of me doing it myself grosses me out.

Are there any other mums to be that feel the same or similar? x

Only thing to note is that I worked out I will have spent around £600 on formula in 12 months.

I genuinely don't understand why people feel like breastfeeding is a massive commitment. It really isn't. Surely it's more faff to fanny about sterilising bottles in the middle of the night?

Ok you can get others to help you but you can also give bottles of expressed from time to time if you need it and get it the same result. Though I don't buy this stuff about men needing to bond with babies through bottle feeding - there's literally nothing your partner can't do for your baby that you do, besides breastfeeding. He can cuddle, soothe, change, put to bed, bathe...

Yanbu, bottom line is your body your choice, but at the same time I can't help but think your attitude sounds lazy and selfish. Why have a child if you're not prepared to at least try to do what you know is best for it?

I know people who have tried and hated Bf and given up. I saw how miserable it made them and I support their choice. I also know so many people who have persevered through pain, latching problems, tongue tie (myself included). And a lady who expresses day and night to still exclusively milk feed her baby even though it can't latch. If you want the best for your baby, this is what you do, IMO. Not trying just seems strange to me.

It's sad as well, because bf when it works is such a lovely experience for both mother and baby. You won't get the same experience of intimacy by bottle feeding - I don't want to upset people who have tried and had to give up on feeding, but this is true. Friends who now bottle feed exclusively have openly told me this, it's not my own judgement. I've also tried bottles with mine and it's totally different.

Just feed your baby, that's all you have to do.

We live in a safe country in 2016, isn't it great we have a perfectly safe and valid alternative for babies who for whatever reason can't have breast milk and know they will be receiving nutrition to be healthy and grow?

Fwiw OP, I mainly breast feed with the odd bottle of formula given by my DP. We started that mostly because he wanted to be involved more and to know if for whatever reason I couldn't feed her she wouldn't go hungry and become distressed. It doesn't have to be all or nothing imho.

I was quite surprised by the strength of my instincts after I gave birth, so don't write it off completely and don't forget you have a short but significant amount of time after the birth to change your mind, particularly with support. Saying that I found the first few weeks really hard going so completely understand why some people knock it on the head. If I'm completely honest it's my laziness that carried me through. It's a lot easier to whack a tit out at 3am then faff with bottles, particularly with the newish guidelines and new mum anxiety.

I think I get what you mean with the 'gross' factor too. I've no issue with BF, but expressing was like nails down a blackboard for me.

I genuinely don't understand why people feel like breastfeeding is a massive commitment. It really isn't. Surely it's more faff to fanny about sterilising bottles in the middle of the night?

This. I've fed DS for over two years now, although he's obviously down to just a morning feed these days. But when he was tiny, night feeds just meant rolling over in bed and shoving a boob in his mouth. Dead easy. I couldn't be arsed sterilising bottles etc. I bought a pump and gave him expressed milk in a bottle from about 5-6 weeks so I wasn't tied to him either and was able to escape for more than two hours at a time.

OP I was a bit freaked out by it too before I had my DS but decided I would give it a try. Currently sat with 6 week old DS on my chest feeding him! I had an EMCS and a tough time after birth with him going to special care so he was tube fed and had some formula there mixed with my expressed milk, but we then transitioned to solely breastfeeding. I don't necessarily think its the be all and end all for bonding with your baby as some people make out. Now we've got to 6 weeks it isn't painful and I must admit it is lovely in a way to think that I can feed him with my body. But he's just had an hour's nap on me and that is just as, if not more of, a lovely feeling. However, I go back to work when he is 8 months, don't have the sort of job where I'd be able (or even want to!) express. I am already annoyed by the wardrobe restrictions. Expressing can be a faff and takes time. I like the idea of being able to leave him without expressing. He is not picky and will take bottles (and formula which I have given him once when I was worried about my supply). So I have decided to take one feed at a time and will probably transition to formula at 3 months. Be prepared for a range of attitides though...the breastfeeding counsellor I saw in hospital said even a day was better than nothing and was really open minded. I told my health visitor my plans and she said, great, thats a really good start for him. However when I had my 6 week check up it came up in conversation with my GP who was to be honest snotty about it. I wanted to quote the stats about breastfeeding back at her, that I think its 1% EBF to 6 months? I am pretty confident 99% of women are not lazy and that actually, it is bloody hard to do it for that long!! Also that I was only breastfed for a week, as was my brother, and we are happy, healthy, slim, great jobs etc. That was a bit of an epic but just wanted to give you my view and experience. I have no idea why people judge how a baby is fed, I certainly don't, but would just say you might change your mind. My attitude was always just to go with the flow and see what happened. I have almost given up a few times and wouldn't be a worse.person if I did!

I personally think it is a big commitment because:

(a) partner can't help out with feeding
(b) cluster feeding. You could have a child latched on to you for literally hours meaning you can't even move to go to the toilet, make your own lunch etc.
(c) A lot of my friends had problems weaning their child off breast, whereas with bottle it is very easy
(d) A lot of my friends had problems getting their child to take a bottle if they needed a break, meaning going for nights out, or going back to work was much more difficult.

Everyone's experiences however are different and I'm not saying this will be the case for everyone. But to me, breastfeeding is more of a commitment than bottle feeding, although I admit that bottle feeding is more faffy e.g. I always had to take sterilised bottles out with me, milk and scissors for the carton out with me, or I had to faff making milk in the night until he started sleeping through which wasn't so fun.. but I could share this responsibility with my partner and we took night feeds in turn.

Bullshit sleepy of course mothers that bottle feed get the same level.of intimacy and breast isn't always best for a variety of reasons very sanctimonious

I wish I knew why it grosses me out and to change it but I can't, it's a feeling that I can't control.

Purely because of this statement, I would say give it a go, even if your baby only gets the colostrum before you switch to formula. Given you don't appear to be completely against it in theory, I do feel it's worth trying it and seeing. If you don't like it, nothing has been lost at all and your baby will be fine. If you discover that actually it's not that bad... I want to say "success" but that implies anything else is a failure which isn't what I want to say!

Lots of things about parenthood grossed me out but, when it was actually my child I was doing it for all was fine.

At the end of the day, your baby will be fine on formula or breastmilk.

And yes, maybebaybe- bottles waaaaay more faff.

BF nightfeed- baby wakes, mother hauls into bed with her, lies down, hoiks up top and dozes off while baby feeds and then dozes off itself.

Bottles you have to put the light on, fanny about and prepare for and sit up.

Ditto going out- lots of stuff to cart around with you.

As for saggy boobs....ummm my boobs have never been so good since BF! And besides, having baby buggers your body in so many ways, any risk to my boobs literally had not occurred to me. So far down the list after saggy tummy, muffin top and thread veins!

Reading this as I BF my 10 month old. I planned to BF for 6 months maximum and still here at 10months going strong.

It's completely your choice however you feed your baby, but your statement about it being gross is ridiculous. In all fairness there's a lot more 'gross' things you will experience which you have no control over... Poo up your leg, vomit in your hair, pee all over your. Just a thought.

I was adamant I wouldn't be breastfeeding. The idea grossed me out beyond belief.
When I was pregnant my health visitor came round with a plastic dolly and showed me feeding positions with it. I could barely look, I wanted to hurl that dolly out the window.

And then dd came and my mum gave her a bottle and I wanted to hurl the bottle out the window! I got a flash of rage at my shiny, perfect new baby being filled with nasty chemicals and it was doing the job that I was there for rendering me obselete.
I breastfed for 14 months after that.

By all means plan to bottle feed but don't commit yourself fully until you have your baby. Hormones do weird things to you.

And my breasts aren't saggy after feeding, and I went up to a j cup!

I felt exactly the same, I was going to FF completely and then I decided to express and now I am currently breastfeeding my little boy..I complete changed my mind as I got closer to my due date...I haven't regretted my choice but if your convinced you don't want to do it then don't. But you might find your opinion changes.

I was desperate to breastfeed and feel so massively guilty that I couldn't. I still do. I hate entirely bottle feeding but think it's a godsend that my husband can do the night feeds now and then.

BUT. It is entirely the OP's choice. It's a shameful thing to say 'oh but others would kill to be able to do it. You're selfish' and that comes from being one of the 'others'

Just to note OP: I have an aversion to having my nipples played with/touched/licked generally. But the ONE time my son latched ever (out of months of trying) I genuinely didn't feel any aversion to it. In fact I was very happy that he latched on properly. Unfortunately he never did it again, just went back to him screaming and refusing the breast and punching it :/

So I totally agree, hormones do weird things!

I don't think it's the idea of BFing that bothers me but how it'll feel. I hate anyone touching my nipples as it is now, goes right through me! Let alone a baby (or anyone) sucking them

I get this I really do.

I tried to bf dd1. it hurt like hell she was never satisfied she chewed chunks out of my nippers, to was bleeding and in agony.

I now cannot bare the thought of anyone coming near my breasts. hands or mouth. I just can't. it completely ruined that part of intimacy. dp is understanding about it. but I won't ever ever ever bf again. I just can't.

IJustLostTheGame - formula isn't "nasty chemicals". It's just fortified milk. It's not as good as human milk but it's not poison for goodness sake.

I personally think it is a big commitment because:

a) partner can't help out with feeding
-so? I've never understood the fuss made about partners helping out with feeding when there are plenty of other things he can help out with. Also, there's such a thing as expressing.
b) cluster feeding. You could have a child latched on to you for literally hours meaning you can't even move to go to the toilet, make your own lunch etc.
Cluster feeding is really only for such a short space of time in the long term.
c) A lot of my friends had problems weaning their child off breast, whereas with bottle it is very easy Not had any problems weaning here, nor have any of my other friends who breastfed
d) A lot of my friends had problems getting their child to take a bottle if they needed a break, meaning going for nights out, or going back to work was much more difficult.
I think the key to getting babies to take bottles of expressed milk is to start early, around 5-6 weeks. If you leave it til they're several months old then yes, it will be harder.

To give another perspective:

(a) partner can't help out with feeding - not true. You can express and he can give bottle if so desired. Also tbh feeding is the easy bit with babies ime. The winding, settling and everything else is more of a pain and he can do all that!!
(b) cluster feeding. You could have a child latched on to you for literally hours meaning you can't even move to go to the toilet, make your own lunch etc. - I know this is not that usual but DS is 8 weeks and has never really cluster fed at all. Even when he has been on the boob some evenings every 30 mins I still have time to eat, go to loo etc.
(c) A lot of my friends had problems weaning their child off breast, whereas with bottle it is very easy - not necessarily, I know plenty of kids who freak out about not having bottle any more.
(d) A lot of my friends had problems getting their child to take a bottle if they needed a break, meaning going for nights out, or going back to work was much more difficult. - I think this is because people wait too long to introduce a bottle. We've been giving DS a bottle of expressed every couple of days from a week old with no issues whatsoever.

Obviously the above is only my own experience, but all the issues people have with bfeeding don't have to be issues and aren't always so.

Disgusting attitudes towards breastfeeding here. You may not have chosen to do it yourself and that's completely your choice but don't add to the anti-breastfeeding stigma by using words like "gross" and spouting absolute crap like "breastfeeding gives you saggy boobs."

I was adamant I would breast feed. I read all the books. My lactation consultant wrote the book on breastfeeding -- literally; she's one of the co-authors of the Womanly Art. I was ready.

Aaaaand then I tried it, and discovered I have DMER and the very idea of breastfeeding provoked such hideous feelings it was impossible to do it and function at all. DMER can start during pregnancy and those terrible feelings of not wanting to breast feed are really the stuff of nightmares.

Feed your baby, however works for you. Not liking breastfeeding is a real feeling and if you take that out of the equation by bottle feeding, you, and baby, may be much happier.

I bottle fed because I didn't like how some of my friends seemed to be chained to the house because of cluster feeds. Also the same friend couldn't leave her child for any length of time because only she could feed him.

I felt that with the bottle if i had enough of being stuck in the house I could give DD to her DF, hand him a bottle and be able to escape.

X post with Samantha

Of course yanbu but get ready for a flaming!