How would you respond?

[Kungfupandaworksout16]

Pink - my sister
green - sisters OH
Purple - my child minder

The end of the text says " so he feels like part of the family xx love you xx "

How in the bleeding hell do I respond to this without another argument starting?

part 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2632927-Should-I-just-swallow-my-pride

part 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2633818-I-tried-too-swallow-my-pride

Wow your poor sister. I really hope she sees him for the 'man' he is.

As predicted, this was never about your wedding but about him using it as a tool to isolate your sister. Its so obvious it would be laughable if it wasnt for your poor sister and her kids.

I think that getting her on her own if you ever can, and talking to her about it is the only way to go. Just let her know that whatever he says or does, you will always love her and be there for her.

Kung I have a feeling that either he will not permit your sis to be alone with Mum or she'll go round only to find that they're 'out for the day'.

BTW, don't bother with the shins. Aim a bit higher, please.

Your poor sister :(

What a twunt. Your poor sister. Let your mum deal with it. Have someone prepared to eject him if he shows up on the day

I'm that close to recommending a hitman tbh - he sounds so vile, whatever his motives (and I suspect they are to alienate your sis from her family) he is seriously trying to wreck your wedding day. What a bastard.

Could you manage to get five minutes alone with your sister and explain that he is trying to isolate her but you will always be there for her regardless?

Oh dear, he's a real prize isn't he. After your wedding he's going to be like this over arrangements for Christmas, family birthdays, access to the grandchildren etc etc. Your family is in it for the long haul with him if you don't want to be cut off from your sister. He does seem to be trying to pick a fight in order to justify isolating her. Good luck with it all.

^^ Trojan has hit the nail on the head.

He's bound and determined to isolate your sister. If he can't do it over your wedding, he'll keep trying with every possible family occasion.

As several pp have said - this is absolutely classic domestic abuser tactics - isolation from friends and family is key to gaining control over the partner so that they cannot see what is happening to them. He never cared about your wedding or his role in it, the plan all along was to cause a rift between you/family and your sister. He will then continually use this as an example to her of how her family don't love her/care about her like he does. "See how I showed you what they're really like" etc.

I know it's not what you need to think about right now with the wedding so close but I would be exceedingly concerned for my sister if she was in this situation.

He's clearly off his rocker ramped it up because you haven't risen to the bait and had the argument he so obviously wants.

I don't think there's any way to win this.

Oh op, this is rubbish. HAven't read previous threads but does he work? Is she alone at all? Can you print the thread & post it to her or something if it's not possible to talk to her? When you eventually do talk to her, I don't know how you do it without saying bluntly he is a dick. Hope your mum makes some progress with them. :(

Hi! Just thought I'd let you know how it went. Turns out my sister was under the illusion her phone was lost (like my neices misplaced it etc) she had no clue about his text asking for a role or the phone call. The first initial text my sister knew was meant to be sent but more of " I know I'm being cheeky but is there any way you could fit xxxx in? If not no worries " kind of text and he ignored that and added what he wanted. She's sent him to his mums for the night , and my mum is staying with her and hopefully talk sense into her how he is controlling and was trying to isolate her. My sister apologised for his behaviour and assured me she is still attending all parts of the wedding and not to worry

I'm so glad this has worked out but his behaviour is shocking (maybe I'm privileged to be shocked by this). Have a wonderful wedding.

Please try to get some time on your own with her to talk.

Excellent news, Kingfu. What a twat he is. He sounds deranged. Thank god for your mum!

Holy Crow!! If she doesn't see the reality of the situation after that, I just don't know what hope there is for her.

Fingers crossed for your mum!

Bloody hell. So glad your mum has got through to her. You need to give your sis a call too so you know you're both on the same page.

What an utter, unspeakable prick. I'm so glad she is not defending him.

He just gets more and more delightful doesn't he!! I really hope that your sister uses the opportunity to think about whether she wants to be with him.

I hope your mum manages to get through to her. He's clearly completely nuts

So glad it's a positive update although I really hope your sister sees his behaviour for what it is and takes heed of the texts and words be spoke to you on the phone and kicks his controlling arse to the kerb.

Busted! Excellent. Let's hope it's the start of her eyes opening.

What a loon! My DPs ex used to do that with his sons phone - we couldn't honestly ever know who was texting us

Well done your mum. Is it possible for her to stay with your sister? I may be overreacting but I'd be concerned about the "D"P returning to hurt her or the children.

There's another explanation for his neediness to be involved in your wedding. Could it be that he's told a few porkies to his family and is trying to coerce you into making those happen? Not that it forgives any of his behaviour but it may explain it better