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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you respond?

252 replies

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 12/05/2016 12:23

Pink - my sister
green - sisters OH
Purple - my child minder

The end of the text says " so he feels like part of the family xx love you xx "

How in the bleeding hell do I respond to this without another argument starting? Sad

part 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2632927-Should-I-just-swallow-my-pride

part 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2633818-I-tried-too-swallow-my-pride

How would you respond?
OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 12/05/2016 17:43

glue

"Hey, I know a guy who knows a guy……."

(not really)

glueandstick · 12/05/2016 17:44

Shame. I think it would help in this situation.

OurBlanche · 12/05/2016 17:49

Cody's text will do for any further silliness:

Dear Sis, back off! Come / don't come - your choice - this is my day not yours!

Love. Kungfu

fuzzywuzzy · 12/05/2016 17:49

Kungfu, next email wait about a week before your wedding and text back 'No'

He's trying to assert control over you now he's got your sister where he wants her. Sincerely hope she LTB.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 12/05/2016 18:05

Can you get your DH to text him? Say that you are both sorry that he feels the way that he does and perhaps if things had been diferent he wouldn't feel this way but as it stands you have both chosen to have only siblings at the ceremony and no special treatment of anyone at the reception and in the interests of making the day stress free for everyone it would be great if he could put aside his concerns for the day and you will all work on ensuring no one feels excluded in the future.

DaveCamoron · 12/05/2016 18:10

Just tell him to fuck off, stop playing along with it.

TornUpPaper · 12/05/2016 18:10

I've read both threads and don't think you have been unreasonable at all. The guy sounds like an utter twat and if I were in your shoes wouldn't want him anywhere near either the wedding or reception.

I feel sorry for your sister but please don't let this overshadow your wedding.

Good luck with your wedding OP.

Keely93 · 12/05/2016 18:11

This is nothing to do with me but is making me angry on your behalf!! I'd tell them to bugger off in general, she's not the only one attending that has a partner I believe? And there's aren't even going!!! A role in the wedding?! Entitled, rude and cheeky and I wouldn't want it!

ThatsMyStapler · 12/05/2016 18:12

I've read all your threads, bloody hell he's a catch isnt he

fuzzyfozzy · 12/05/2016 18:13

I think I'd reply that I'm not sure what there is to think about, it's all really clear in your previous texts. See you at the wedding (without your DP!)

Spock27 · 12/05/2016 18:16

Tell him his role can be to look after his own children during the party...

diddl · 12/05/2016 18:16

"I need too think about this I will text you back when I have thought it through"

If you did reply it needs to be as a pp suggested-that there is nothing for him to think through the invitation is as it always was, for sister & baby at ceremony...

It's not as if he has been singled out for no invitation!

i agree taht you need to stop this now.

DinosaursRoar · 12/05/2016 18:26

I think you've handled this all very well - there's nothing in your reply that can be used against you.

Agree if you do decide to reply to that message, something like "The invite still stands for you and [baby] to be at the ceremony, everyone at the party. Your DP is being treated exactly the same as the other partners/spouces of siblings. x"

DailyMailShite · 12/05/2016 18:53

Shock x 1,000,000. (Maximum shockedness)

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 12/05/2016 18:55

Lol glueandstick

Good luck OP. This is crackers.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 12/05/2016 18:56

Blimey. The whole thing's quite bizarre.
Have no idea what there is to think about.
Her oldest two are in school then being brought to the party.
He isn't being asked to have them.
She's being asked to the ceremony with baby on lap.
He's not having to look after his own child.
He's only met you twice and wants to be on a top table or have a role?Confused What? Best man? Father of the bride? Just...what?!!!
I do not know any roles or was he angling to be a master of ceremonies and make it all about him Just what the actual fuck?
He has no reason to have his nose put out of joint.
He has no reason to want to look like a prick even if he feels like a spare prick. Plus his own relatives will be there? That's so kind of you btw.
So it isn't as if he doesn't have people to talk to, presumably they could help with their grandchild if not their step grandchildren.
The nieces should be doing handstands or sitting under tables or skids across the floor or dancing like all kids do at weddings.
If she's not a bridesmaid and there is no plan, he can sit with her.
There is nothing to "think about".
Have I understood all that correctly OP?! Am new to your threads.
Is she a mumsnetter btw or any of his relatives? This could be recognizable but I would still be bemused if I was related to him and reading it.
He is not being excluded from the family ffs. All in-laws not there. Unless he thinks you are lying. In which case he'll be skulking/stalking/holding binoculars from outside the ceremony venue in any case. Just odd behaviour. No man I know thinks like this.
Is her still wanting photos with your sister and their baby from the building?
That is equally odd because she has other children which he should consider his stepchildren now. Plus why would he want random photo of family of 3? For his mum? It's divisive.
If he feels like a dick " waiting" all the way outside for her then he should just turn up at the party like a Normal Person or not act like a dick.
Your text was fine OP.
But if she or he is after a child-free evening Confusedexpect her to decline around the 28th. If he cannot be trusted to behave at your party (what are his relatives like? What will the flow of alcohol be like?) then this might not be such a bad thing after all....
Cake Daffodil

SundayService · 12/05/2016 19:15

OP, are you certain DSis isn't a MNer? Is she going to see this thread?

Although, that said, I'm not sure it would be a bad thing for her to read everyone's opinion about her 'D'P...

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 12/05/2016 19:55

I haven't bothered texting back ive got more important things to do with the wedding being around the corner. I'm not entertaining his silly games.
sunday I doubt she's allowed to go on the Internet without him monitoring she could meet someone else and escape his clutches.

OP posts:
Marmalady75 · 13/05/2016 14:58

Kungfu my heart goes out to you having to deal with this crap. As hard as it is you need to (try to) switch off from all this and enjoy the build up to your wedding. Flowers

Saramel · 13/05/2016 15:22

I haven't bothered texting back ive got more important things to do with the wedding being around the corner. I'm not entertaining his silly games.
sunday I doubt she's allowed to go on the Internet without him monitoring she could meet someone else and escape his clutches.

You said it, it is game playing at its finest. As many other people have said, it looks like he is angling to separate your sister from you family. This is classic Narcissistic behaviour and designed to completely screw her mind. She is obviously not realising this and allowing him to control her. She is so going to need you, as are her kids, later on. You have been so reasonable and it must be really hurtful to go through this with her as well as really worrying.
I hope you have a marvellous day and you sister comes to her senses soon x

mnaab · 13/05/2016 17:24

He sounds very controlling! Stick to your guns. He's being treated the same as the other sibling partners - why does he feel he should get spevial treatment?

Furiosa · 13/05/2016 18:41

Kungfu I think your text back to your sister was perfect. I'm very impressed with how you turned his demands into him being sweet and helpful.

You are a wise woman.

However as you've beat him on this level I'd expect him to sink lower. I think it's clear he's trying to dominate you by "demanding" (via your sister) a greater status in your family. Frankly we both know that would have to be earned but emotional cheapskates like to be given a lot for little or no effort.

If I were you I'd try and exhaust him. Keep your sister close. This will mean talking on the phone to her rather than text so you can be sure it's her. I know he'll probably alway answer so use the opportunity to talk to him. Do the same thing you did in the text. Assume all his words are kind and interpret them so, alway knowing he's a conman. Hopefully he'll be hitting the sweetest, most kind natured brick wall. He'll get frustrated and show his true self. Hopefully in front of your sister.

Keep us up dated and congratulations on your wedding!

irrepressibleRedhead · 14/05/2016 09:15

.

WhereInTheWorldToNext · 14/05/2016 09:38

I'd seriously consider sending the text questioning whether he is ill...

His whole approach is barking.

Chilver · 14/05/2016 10:00

I'd respond with 'think about what? This day is about me and x; we have tried to be accommodating as possible to everyone but it's actually an event for me and x to commit to one another, not an opportunity for anyone else to take the center stage.'