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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you respond?

252 replies

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 12/05/2016 12:23

Pink - my sister
green - sisters OH
Purple - my child minder

The end of the text says " so he feels like part of the family xx love you xx "

How in the bleeding hell do I respond to this without another argument starting? Sad

part 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2632927-Should-I-just-swallow-my-pride

part 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2633818-I-tried-too-swallow-my-pride

How would you respond?
OP posts:
Fizzielove · 14/05/2016 10:06

You could give him a roll, he must stand outside the door to ceremony and make sure no one but the 10 people who are meant to be in the room get in!! He could be a bouncer! Would that work!

AyeAmarok · 14/05/2016 11:33

I have just read all three threads and am completely Shock

But your text was really excellent. Very nice, fair and considerate. You've gone with the "kill him with kindness and reasonableness, while not giving an inch" tactic. Bravo!

Snoringlittlemonkey · 14/05/2016 12:36

This guy is an oddball. Confused

As is often said on MN 'don't feed the troll'!

Don't get suckered in to negotiations with this tool. They will come back with a further list of demands, be prepared with 'I've made my position clear, what you do is entirely up to you.'

WellErrr · 14/05/2016 12:43

What a weirdo! I feel sorry for your sister.

Original poster
Kungfupandaworksout16 · 14/05/2016 20:07

Oh I'm most definitley not playing his games anymore. After I ignored the last text , I received another text. " oh so you don't want to talk now? you won't find out til the day what my decision is "
So basically threatening to ruin my day by putting a downer on it. Stuff them Angry

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 14/05/2016 20:12

Gosh op, he is spoiling for a fight.

I'd text back and be all breezy 'of course I'm not ignoring you, I've just been busy doing blah blah blah. I really hope you make it to the wedding, it would be a great shame for you to miss it love kungfu panda'

If you ignore them, it will play into his hands.

RuggerHug · 14/05/2016 20:16

If it's meant to be her texting say 'of course not, just been busy. Are you free for a call now?Smile' and speak to her.

8misskitty8 · 14/05/2016 20:17

I would text back that you have made the decision for them. They are no longer invited and that includes his parents.

Snoringlittlemonkey · 14/05/2016 20:26

Stuff them is right.

Personally I'd text something back like

'I'm sorry you feel that way. Unfortunately arrangements are not ad hoc so I understand you now do not wish to attend. Hopefully we can celebrate another time. All the best Kung-fu'.

AyeAmarok · 14/05/2016 20:27

Oh flip he really is spoiling for a fight! Angry

So you were supposed to text back begging?

What a narcissist, it's really all about him, isn't it. Nevermind it's your wedding!

StrictlyMumDancing · 14/05/2016 20:35

If someone texts:
" I need too think about this I will text you back when I have thought it through."
Then there's no response required I'd have thought.

In light of that text though I think you should probably make the decision re: the ceremony for them and text as snoring suggests. Maybe tell them they're still welcome at the after party but your venue need final numbers so you can't keep this tooing and froing.

StrictlyMumDancing · 14/05/2016 20:38

Also, you can't keep your childminder hanging like that, so I'd cancel her too.

monkeywithacowface · 14/05/2016 20:41

I wouldn't respond to that text either, you aren't engaging in his little power play and it's driving him batshit. Give a him enough rope and all that..

HaggisMuncher · 14/05/2016 20:58

Oh OP, what an awful situation. Poor you and your poor sister. Stick to the high ground, rise above it as far as you can and remain civil, though it must be so hard. If he is talking to your sister the way he is talking to you via text it must be awful for her. Don't give him any excuse to stop her seeing you. As previously suggested, get advice from somewhere such as www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/ and do your best to be there for her.You've dealt with it brilliantly so far, keep it up.

facebookrecruit · 14/05/2016 21:25

I haven't read everything but if I were you I wouldn't be having this twat anywhere near my wedding. Sanctimonious dick

FeralBeryl · 14/05/2016 21:38

Angry definitely don't respond now. The bloody arsehole!
I'd just choose to now see it as your sis not coming, if she shows up on the day-great, if not, then you're prepared.
So sorry, now upwards and onwards with the fun weddingy shiz Flowers

RaeSkywalker · 14/05/2016 21:49

This is ridiculous. They want to cause a drama on your wedding day. Pathetic.

I would also be tempted to tell them not to bother.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 14/05/2016 22:09

crikey..., he is slipping.. making it obvious it's not your DSis texting now. I was hoping he was a 'nutter but not in public' type who would be amazing on the day and make you doubt your interpretation of all the pissing about earlier. Don't let this ruin your day. Get one of DH's siblings on side.

AcrossthePond55 · 14/05/2016 22:13

"You said you needed time to think and I was respecting that. Whether you give me your decision today or the day of the wedding the arrangements will not change. All that remains is for you to say whether or not you are coming based on what I've told you will happen". You could add that if you don't hear a definite answer by XXXX date that you will (regretfully) have to cancel the childminder as you cannot leave her hanging fire.

Obvs it's him, not her, doing the texting. Possibly it's time for the gloves to come off a bit? Not purposefully rude or antagonistic, but no longer trying to 'play nice'?

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 14/05/2016 22:14

Text what Olivia said or if you suspect the husband is texting then what rug said (then when you call and he says she isn't available but he texted she was free, you can call him on it: that's strange, I just asked her if it was a good time....)

Ginkypig · 14/05/2016 22:17

Reply.

That of course is entirely your decision my sister is invited to the ceremony, you are not.
You are invited to the party the same as everyone else who will not be at the ceremony, I'll either see you there or I wont. iv got far bigger things to occupy my time at the moment than to worry if one of the siblings partners may or may not be at the party.

You could really rile him up by saying. All attendees including (his name) must confirm they are coming by (date 7 days before wedding) or they are no longer invited And will not be allowed entry

DaveCamoron · 14/05/2016 22:19

Tell him that he's no longer invited.

SmokingGun · 14/05/2016 23:02

I would just reply with something really blasé like "Ok no worries, hope to see you then" and leave it. It is clearly him replying and he wants a rise out of you, by ignoring it he will think you are stewing or are really upset.

Bogeyface · 14/05/2016 23:52

I agree that bright and breezy is the way to go, he is trying to push your buttons and he will take being ignored as a win.

happybee1 · 15/05/2016 02:06

Oh dear, poor you. How sad that you should be looking forward to your special day and you have this to worry about.
I really don't agree with the no DP or DC at weddings and wouldn't go to a wedding with this rule and can see that it would offend people but they or he is BVU.
He is very controlling, I am worried for your DSis as I have been in a similar relationship and it was not good at all.
Think what you want now. Do you still want your Dsis there or would you rather uninvite her and know at least that there will be no more game playing games? Would you call your sister to sort it out. I am only thinking of you putting this behind you so you can look forward to your special day. Otherwise you could go with the bright and breezy but it would still worry me as to what might happen on the day and also you have to decide whether the childminder is booked for the school pick up or can she not do this anyway as she is coming to the party?