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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there are size double standards on mumsnet?

239 replies

Tobeavsangel · 11/05/2016 23:25

So I read a thread and a model is being ripped apart for her looks and size.

There was even a comment about how the company should pay her to eat .... Could you imagine the outrage if it was a plus size model and I said the company should have her cut down on her portion sizes?

I'm not even skinny (size 10) but I just hate this double standard on mumsnet.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 15/05/2016 00:52

"I think if someone posts a photo on MN (whether they're slim or fat) they get a fair amount of snark. I remember a person with a normal sized/slim figure posted a photo. She said she was at the upper range of (but still within) her BMI and she got a lot of 'hmmmmm, I still think you could do with losing some weight' style comments."

I don't think that's fat shaming. That's someone giving their opinion on the body shape that looks nice, something the poster of the photo was presumably asking for if she posted a photo of her body and asked people what they thought. Why would you do that unless you wanted honest opinions?

JingsAndCrivens · 15/05/2016 01:03

And do you believe 'honest opinions' are always positive? On the thread in question there were a lot of people telling the OP that being within the recommended BMI just wasn't good enough. They then helpfully posted photos of their (slimmer) figures.

I think there's a lot of 'oh, you're confident enough to post a photo of your body are you? Let me take you down a peg or two'.

HelenaDove · 15/05/2016 01:05

Sometimes the people giving those honest opinions have their own issues. So how do you think we should square that circle Gwen?

HelenaDove · 15/05/2016 01:06

Jings which thread was it

JingsAndCrivens · 15/05/2016 01:09

I'll have to do a search and see if it's still there.

But there was another thread last week where a woman posted a photo of herself (in her underwear) saying she weighed X and her measurements were X and she got a lot of 'clearly your measuring tape is broken. Good luck with losing weight'.

It was just so bitchy.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/05/2016 02:01

"And do you believe 'honest opinions' are always positive? "

Why should they be positive? In general yes, you don't say anything if you can't say something nice, but if someone ASKS you for your opinion then you're not being impolite if you give it are you?

"On the thread in question there were a lot of people telling the OP that being within the recommended BMI just wasn't good enough."

And are the posters not entitled to have that opinion? I also prefer being slimmer than being large, but still within the healthy BMI. Am I not entitled to that opinion?

Gwenhwyfar · 15/05/2016 02:03

"Sometimes the people giving those honest opinions have their own issues."

So what? Everyone has 'issues' with something.

HelenaDove · 15/05/2016 02:19

Whats with the "So what" Havent you said yourself that posters are entitled to their opinions............oh wait you only mean the ones that agree with you dont you!

Gwenhwyfar · 15/05/2016 02:32

"Whats with the "So what" Havent you said yourself that posters are entitled to their opinions............oh wait you only mean the ones that agree with you dont you!"

What's this aggressive sentence about? When did I say only my opinion is OK. My point is that it's Ok to give an opinion if it's asked for. I don't really get what your point is. You sound very angry with me Helena and I don't think I've done anything to deserve it. cc

HelenaDove · 15/05/2016 02:35

Gwen sorry but i really cant be arsed.

Other fish to grill. Smile

JingsAndCrivens · 15/05/2016 04:45

"On the thread in question there were a lot of people telling the OP that being within the recommended BMI just wasn't good enough."

'And are the posters not entitled to have that opinion? I also prefer being slimmer than being large, but still within the healthy BMI. Am I not entitled to that opinion?'

Confused

So you have no problem with people berating a poster for being within the healthy weight for their height?

Well good for you!

JingsAndCrivens · 15/05/2016 04:51

I sometimes think this place is absolutely teeming with dimwits.

AyeAmarok · 15/05/2016 08:05

If you're talking about the recent thread, I really don't agree that it was thin-shaming. It was a genuine question about how to stay thin I think and the discussion in the thread was interesting and informative.

Oh I agree it became interesting and informative, but that was in spite of the OP who just started it to say we were all miserable, starving and trying to train for a marathon on a salad leaf a day, and the handful of others who joined in to say that slim women must have such a miserable life.

It became interesting later on!

AyeAmarok · 15/05/2016 08:25

Jings, you can be within the healthy BMI range and it could still be very beneficial to lose weight - both for health reasons and self-confidence.

The healthy BMI for my height is from

Runningupthathill82 · 15/05/2016 08:36

I'm the same, Aye. And we must be the same height. At 11st I'm fat, even if I'm technically "healthy" by BMI standards. Not everyone of my height would look fat at 11st, but I do.

If I posted on a thread asking for honest opinions, I'd want honest opinions - not just to be told I'm fine as I am.

Terrifiedandregretful · 15/05/2016 08:45

It happens everywhere. When I was vastly overweight nobody said anything. When I was vastly underweight people commented all the time. I think it is partly because thin is seen as desirable therefore people feel the need to tell you you've gone too far. it annoyed me but it came from a place of caring.

RufusTheReindeer · 15/05/2016 10:02

A long time ago when i was 28 with a bmi of 19 no one made comments

When it was 17 a year before people who knew me told me that i was too thin

At 46 Since i gained weight, and i grant you i do winge about it Grin, everyone wants to know what i eat and nobody cared before

RufusTheReindeer · 15/05/2016 10:08

In the interests of openness my bmi is 27.3 now

And interestingly when i put the 8 and 9 stone in the calculator it just told me my bmi, when i put my current weight in it asked me how much excercise i do Shock

Fucking judgy calculator Angry

Gwenhwyfar · 15/05/2016 11:34

"So you have no problem with people berating a poster for being within the healthy weight for their height?

Well good for you!"

I don't know if people were 'berating' a poster. I'm not sure if I was on the particular thread you're talking about, but I've seen thread where posters have ASKED people for their opinions. As I've said, I have no problem with people saying that personally they find a slimmer figure more aesthetically pleasing. I don't really get why you can be angry then about the opinions you get. It's like asking "does my bum look big in this" and only accepting the answer 'no'. Are you saying people should lie when asked this question?

The recommended waist measurement for avoiding diabetes is no more than 31 inches for women, so you can very easily be in the healthy weight range, but have a waist much bigger than this.

TaraCarter · 15/05/2016 11:55

I know the thread you're talking about and that person had lost a lot of weight after spending weeks in hospital with a quite serious illness (IIRC), and was wanting to get her strength, and weight, back up to what it was before.

Think how many people didn't check what her BMI was before they made recommendations, and what that says about our cultural background. Some people contributed valuable advice, yes, but that just shows there are intelligent, educated women around. It would be a cold day in hell before you saw any of those posters fat- or thin-shaming, but that doesn't mean we don't have a problem as a culture.

There were also individuals desperate to say she looked healthy, for that matter.

AnUtterIdiot · 15/05/2016 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tobysmum77 · 15/05/2016 13:05

Health has little to do with weight. Someone with a bmi of 29 can be much fitter than someone with a bmi of 20. OK if you have a bmi of 40 that is bad news but harping on about a stone or two is pointless. It also gives slim people false smugness that all is well and they don't need to worry.

All this 31 inch diabetes stuff has to be nonsense also. It has to be in proportion to height, on a slight built 5' woman that is fairly big but on an amazonian-type 6 footer it would be proportionately much smaller.

tobysmum77 · 15/05/2016 13:07

Are you saying people should lie when asked this question?

Why would they be asked that question? Is it something that frequently crops up in everyday conversation? Confused

Thefitfatty · 15/05/2016 13:23

All this 31 inch diabetes stuff has to be nonsense also.

It is. It's much more accurate to do a hip to waist ratio. www.healthstatus.com/calculate/waist-to-hip-ratio

At the end of the day though the biggest factor for contracting diabetes is genetics. If you're predisposed to it a healthy BMI can help you manage it, or stave it off for awhile, but you're probably going to get it regardless.

murphyslaws · 15/05/2016 13:27

Yes! I said about using jars I got nasty comments and emails saying I was terrible . Then the other day the same fuvking posters were saying to a poster who was struggling that jars are wonderful.

Mumsnet is full of higher than now self centred people.

But it's useful at times and supportive

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