AIBU To Think We Wouldn't Cope?

[picklypopcorn]

DP and I really want to start a family. We have been together for 8 years, bought a house 2 years ago and financially we're ok, not a lot in savings (

Good grief you sound like you've got the perfect set up for a baby. If you're ticking things off a list, you're in an established relationship, have a suitable home, you actively want and are planning for a child, both earn but have the flexibility so that one of you can be a SAHP, all your family close by for support (time, emotionally, financially), youyada yada.
And sooooo many people, myself included, have children without that wishlist. In fact I'm not sure I know if any of my friends have all of those things either.

From one terminally sensible person to another, I think YABU and should go for it

Go for it! Sounds like you can afford it on one wage! If your husband is a SAHD he might be able to work in a restaurant in the evenings if you find things are too expensive. I worked evenings when my children were young so that we didn't have to pay childcare and I could stay at home. Though it is quite shattering after a day with kids tbh. Babies are relatively cheap and we found we ended up spending less on going out.

You'll have fantastic family support by the sound of things, which is priceless. Sounds like it is financially feasible too. TTC can take a while, but equally you might conceive your first time trying-you can't predict these things! 😀 if you are soon due a wage increase this could probably be saved too.

Sorry for the random and superfluous 'you' there...

Don't worry about the money, if you both feel you truly would love a child (and I mean both of you, not one wanting a baby and the other just going a long with it) and would love that child and be good parents...and remember, being a good parent is not about how much you can give them materially...then go for it.

I was 27 when we first decided to stop using the Pill and 'just see what happens'.
Ten years and various fertility investigations and treatments later I finally had my only child, thanks to IVF. Didn't plan to be an older mum, financial situation wasn't the best by then either...but we never regretted it for an instant. There is nothing like the love you feel for your child, even when they are being a little sh*t, haha!

You manage, all good parents do. And that's the thing with babies, they just don't 'do' planning. Someone further up the thread mentioned something like 'if everyone waited till it was the perfect time for a baby, no-one would ever have one' and I think there's a lot of truth in that.

Christ I was expecting to be told I was being ridiculous and of course we couldn't afford it... rather an important conversation to have with DP tonight by the look of things!

Now to lose weight and start squirreling away money as fast as I can... potentially in August when my implant comes out, it's baby time!

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

Given your ages I'd suggest you wait a couple of years and really prioritise your careers/savings. Also look at either getting married or covering yourself legally as far as possible - wills, health insurance etc

I agree with 2016hopeful, it IS tiring to be at home then work evenings/weekends BUT I personally think you have the energy for that in your 20s. I'm in my late 30s now, I really don't have the energy I had when my children were young (and this isn't bashing mum's in their 30s, it's just how I feel)

honestly, you'll be fine. Why don't you live off only your earnings between now and your implant coming out and you will get a feel for how doable it is. That will also boost your savings as well, which could give you the chance to take longer maternity leave if that is an choice you would like to have. If all your parents are retiring in 8 months or so, I bet they would love to be asked to do an afternoon a week each childcare, so that would give your DP the opportunity to either do a few hours work a week or get the housework done. If you look for NCT (National Childbirth Trust) sales, you can get all the more expensive equipment really cheaply. Now I look back, the only thing I would insist on having brand new is the car seat and a mattress. We were also very lucky as my DD was first grandchild/ niece for both sides and they were all very excited and bought us everything.

I would suggest to him that he works for two more years full time and puts the difference into a savings account. Then I would have a baby with him.

I'm sorry but two people in their twenties without children don't need someone home doing everything. How do you think everyone else manages? It's ridiculous that he earns so little and spends the rest of the time doing what everyone else does for an hour in the evening.

barbarianmum we have health insurance and critical illness cover, and we got the wills sorted when we bought the house as the deposit was all mine and I wanted to protect the investment and make sure DP would be provided for in the event something happened... again, chronically sensible

You're in a good position to have a baby. It's true that if everyone waited until everything was ticked off their list, we wouldn't have many babies born at all!

You're in a happy relationship, settled, good support around you. Do it while you are younger & full of life.

Can I ask though - why does your DP only work part time? Is it ill health or is he a bit work shy? Yes it's nice to have someone at home doing all the housework & cooking etc, but as a young couple that's an unusual priority over getting a bit of money behind you, buying a house etc?

Looking forward to hearing your good news in the Autumn.

Childcare is the biggest expense so if you can avoid that you will be fine! As well as being debt free, well done!

ImperialBlether It's not that we need him at home really, it's just the way circumstances have fallen. He's been applying for higher paid full time work for 18 months, 3 jobs a day every day without fail (i get the confirmation emails so I know he's making the effort). We live in a pretty rural location and he doesn't drive (got run over as a kid, has massive anxiety about it) although my mum is currently taking him out for driving lessons but progress is slow. He has a degree and is qualified for a lot of better jobs, but they never reply to you/ send a weak rejection after "reviewing all the applicants" etc etc. We've asked for feedback on why he didn't get the job and they never reply to that either. So for now, he works PT in a restaurant, loves it and works really hard. We have 2 dogs too so him working part time means they aren't left alone much and it's a good work around.

Can I just clarify for anyone else that there is no issue what so ever with DP's work situation, if it was him earning the majority and it was me working part time and doing all the house stuff I doubt many would comment. I am more than capable and very happy to be the breadwinner here.

Yes to your dp doing evening/weekend work around childcare. As the baby gets older he could use nursery hrs to do further study/training perhaps?
Supportive and involved family is a huge advantage.

I think you are in an ideal position to start a family and I'm a bit at your reasons not to.

6 months paid maternity, parents happy to help, SAHD so no childcare costs, owning a house already (at your age!) - it's hard to wish for a better set-up! Appreciate what you have.

My kids were born when I was 27 and 29 respectively, and I had none of what you have, but am pleased that we didn't delay starting a family. You can improve your financial situation as you get older, but you do get older and you can't do anything about that.

extra we bought our lovely house 2 years ago, proudest day of my life! Managed to avoid ever renting because we lived with his mum and dad for a year and saved my entire wage (pretty much) plus I had some savings from childhood/ early Saturday jobs. I had £20k in the end! Put £18k down on a £93k end terrace in the countryside so the mortgage is only about £360 a month

The mortgage is joint but the first £20k comes to me in the event we sell the house, then the remainder is split 50/50 before anyone flames me for buying DP a house!

After your last post I am wondering whether your dp is scattergunning applications out without much regard to fit for the job at hand? Not an efficient use of time/energy. Perhaps your medium to long-term plan could involve him looking at targeted ways to build his employability - relevant volunteering/work experience, for example. Or might there be opportunities to move into restaurant management?

HeteronormativeHaybales that's exactly what he's doing at the moment, but after 18 months of applying it's all he can do as the jobs market around here is shocking. I've suggested he does a course, maybe joinery or electrician or something but he's worried about not contributing while he studies.

I think your DP would be very ill advised to become a SAHD in hisome late 20s with no real work experience.

By the time any children are at school he will be mid 30s and have no work record to speak of, which will make him virtually unemployable.

That will make him very vulnerable and completely dependent on you.

Are you going to marry him?

I don't agree that you are in a good place to start a family. I think your DP needs to start his adult life properly and learn to be independent before he becomes a father.

In your situation I'd go for it. There's never a perfect time to have kids but you seem to have everything sorted. You're right in that there'd be few comments if it were you working part time and your OH working full time. Plus while you're both young now you need to think about what happens of you have trouble conceiving. You have to be actively trying for a few years before you can have any testing done which also takes a while. Once you reach a certain age you won't get funding for ivf.

On your income you'd get child benefit and possibly tax credits. Plus your oh would be able to pick up some shifts if you really needed the money.

I'd do as pp suggested and from now till August live solely on your wage and save your oh's wage to get an idea of what it will be like. Don't take this the wrong way but it won't seem a massive difference given your oh doesn't earn much compared to if he was earning the same as you.

Childcare is the biggest expense for young children and you won't need to pay it.

Keep in mind though that's it's very easy to talk in the abstract about going back to work when your baby is six months old but it's very different when faced with the reality. That's the only thing that would make me hesitate in your position.

I would certainly comment if a 27 year old woman with no children was working part time and had never managed to get a "proper" job and was planning to avoid having to deal with that by getting pregnant.

yeah I do plan to marry him, he's also the benefactor of my pension, assets (will) and life insurance policy should he feel like bumping me off We're getting married hopefully in 2018 on our 10 year anniversary... that's the dream anyway!

DoinItFine this is my worry and thank you for going against the grain on this one! He's desperate to be a father and is very family orientated. He has absolutely no ambition (this used to bug me but not now) and no desire to have a career really. We've discussed this a lot, his answer is that he's not bothered about luxury or impressing anyone, he just wants a loving family and me.... barf He's a lovely chap, great fun and there's not a malicious or shrewd bone in his body.

I on the other hand am a veritable nightmare . I'm ambitious to a fault, very driven, a complete worrier and a chronic planner. He massively balances me out and we rub along very nicely.

Despite how different we are, we've never had a cross word between us in 8 years

My twopennorth: I think he should aim for a practical qualification before you have a baby (which could take you one time of trying, or years). Good tradespeople are in demand, so no one is likely to ask him what happened to the gap on his CV.

But to be a successful electrician or joiner, he's going to need transport, so either he gets very, very good at cycling or he perseveres with battling the driving phobia.