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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Babies in travel systems

430 replies

Excusemeforpostinghere · 11/05/2016 08:03

Am I bu that I just get the rage when I see babies in carseats clunked to the pram?

Am I being a judgypants?

Fair enough on the nip in & out jobs like school run.

But supermarket? Theme park? National trust gardens? Running? Town? Zoo? Places were the child is likely going to have been in that carseat for a few hours!

They've already been in it for the car journey. I bet likely, some will only be out of them all day for feeding time.

I watched holiday supersavers last night and the baby did the walk to supermarket, around supermarket and walk nack home again in the flippin carseat!

I just want to go up to them and tell them to stop being lazy and think of their child's spine development.

OP posts:
Legendofthephoenix · 13/05/2016 00:51

Misspelled hypochondriac silly me.

LilySnape · 13/05/2016 01:52

My mental health is fine thanks and no im not ocd i have been TCT for a while on and off and TCT again now and i like doing my research into various brands and parenting method's there's no such thing as too prepared for a baby and yes i know i may get a screamer (like me as a baby) or a perfect baby (like dp as a baby) it can never be planned but i can plan the types of baby equipment i want to use and research BF/FF so I'll keep doing that thanks

Only1scoop · 13/05/2016 02:40

Just one comma, or full stop. Would allow us all to.... breathe.

LilySnape · 13/05/2016 07:16

If your brain isn't smart enough to automatically put commas and full stops as you read that's your problem i can read it perfectly

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 07:21

Lily I like to research too! But there is such a thing as overthinking, which it sounds like you may be doing.

It's really hard to plan what types of baby equipment you'll use, because you don't know what your baby will like or refuse.

All I and others are saying is it's easy to have a picture of parenthood in your head when you haven't got kids, and often that changes when you have them.

BertieBotts · 13/05/2016 07:35

It's fine to research baby equipment and stuff. I think that's a great idea, I don't think it's hard to plan at all.

It's not fine to insist that everybody else should make the choice you made or be scathing about what others choose. We all have different priorities. It's extremely judgemental and bitchy to decide somebody else's priorities are wrong or neglectful (except in extreme cases, e.g. parent prioritising drugs over baby's safety). HTH.

Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 07:53

Oh lily I didn't realise you're one of those amazing parents without children! Parenting is so much easier before they arrive. Thank you so much for sharing your extensive research with us. Now run along and leave the adults talk.

Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 07:57

And by the way I ttc for a long time and used that time to research baby equipment so I appreciate why you are doing that but I would never have told parents how in my opinion (and that's all it is, not fact, just your opinion) they are doing everything wrong.

Just to mention I posted on this thread earlier under a different name, in the interest of transparency.

LilySnape · 13/05/2016 07:58

Adults ? your calling yourselves adults when you can't even make a safe decision based on your child's welfare and safety by choosing the right car seat Grin

FutureGadgetsLab · 13/05/2016 08:03

Lily a choice that disagrees with yours isn't necessarily the wrong choice. I'm all for research, but sometimes what's best for your family isn't the "best" choice.

Take breastfeeding. DS wouldn't latch and had horrible reflux, and I had pain and nausea every time I tried to feed. I tried pumping but I still had the pain and nausea and it was exhausting. In the end I switched to formula which worked out much better for us. So even though breast milk is nutritionally of a higher quality, breastfeeding wasn't the right choice for us.

Until you have a baby you do not know what you will and won't do.

Oysterbabe · 13/05/2016 08:10

All you need is a carseat that's safe. It doesn't have to cost hundreds to be safe. Unless McDonalds has started paying a lot more than it used to, it might be wise to put some of the money towards the many many other things your future child will need throughout its life.

Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 08:12

Lily I'm a fully paid up member of the erf club sweetie, being an adult is about making choices but still respecting others rights to make their own choices.

123lekl · 13/05/2016 08:16

Wtf has happened to this thread?!
Lily you can't be real...... I think you're a wind up.
If not then I'm not sure if I'm amused or highly concerned! Have you given any 'expert parenting advice' to any real life friends? I'd strongly suggest you don't!!

LilySnape · 13/05/2016 08:22

Yes i have actually and no im not a wind up either Hmm

NeedACleverNN · 13/05/2016 08:23

Lily
I don't have a car. My children go in a car maybe 5 times a year when they go off to my SIL.
Do you seriously think I should pay £360 for a car seat that they will use a maximum of 50 times? No way. That £360 could go on better fitting shoes since they walk around so much, better quality clothing because they are outside a lot and it could go towards their future which is more important than a car seat

123lekl · 13/05/2016 08:27

I wonder how well received your advice was?! I hope you're more pleasant about spreading your wisdom in real life as I think you've intentionally upset people on this thread.
If anyone (especially without kids) had aggressively and patronisingly advised me on these things, particularly about my baby's feeding, I'd not have been amused!!

Only1scoop · 13/05/2016 08:38

Lily or Scatmanpram

I think your research may have become....

Slightly unhealthy.

LittleLionMansMummy · 13/05/2016 08:42

I'll be getting a second hand travel system, because frankly I'd like to be able to afford to take more time off on maternity leave with my new baby. I've managed to get my ds to 5yo without suffocating him or dislocating his hips, starving him of nutrition or drowning him etc. Remarkably he is in rude health as well as happy.

The one thing I've been totally unable to do is convince him to be happy in his most recent upright car seat. He was forever complaining about it on long journeys and I ended up just ditching it in favour of a decent booster. Long journeys are a much happier affair now. It can be quite easy to get a baby to do what you want, from 3 to 5 they develop a mind, and strong, loud opinions of their own.

PisforPeter · 13/05/2016 08:46

You must have very little going on OP if something so relatively trivial can provoke such strong opinions Hmm

JayDot500 · 13/05/2016 08:51

Meow.

I use a travel system and will dance all day because of it. My child is fine, my journeys are fine, my conscience is fine. BrewCake

There are also people who tut when they see parents with a sling ('they are being OTT and hippy- yuk') or with the carrycot ('they are depriving the kid of decent views of the world- urgh') etc. People need to chill.

Butterchunks · 13/05/2016 09:11

Lily Just because you like doing research, and put in a lot of time doing it, it doesn't mean you are any good at it. I'll ask you the same question that I put to the OP, do you have any formal training in research or are you just finding stuff on Google?

Part of being able to carry out research with great efficacy is knowing which opinions to listen to, how to interpret the data you are given, and how not to pick your sources based on confirmational bias.

If you have access to actual journal articles from respected institutions, and you can convey the arguements presented in a balanced and unbiased opinion then go ahead, educate us. Unfortunately, much like OP you don't seem to have a full grasp of what you are talking about (nor the ability to put your point across without alienating your audience).

It is very clear that you care for your future child (best of luck ttc) but it is virtually impossible to prepare everything before pregnancy or birth. Common sense and social ettique would suggest that you don't go spouting off about issues that you only have a theoretical knowledge about.

When I was pregnant with my dd I said to my dp that I was not going to get too hung up on how our baby would be fed or born. I knew the risks of cs and how "natural" births were preferable to surgery, I knew what my preferences were for birth but also not too rigid knowing that birth may not go according to how I imagined it would . I read up on how I wanted to manage the the third stage of labour, about delayed cord cutting, and how important skin to skin contact was after birth. Unfortunately I had absolutely no choice and ended up with a category 1 emcs due to severe preeclampsia. There was no way I could have predicted that, or even prepared for it given that my symptoms came on vv fast and were only detected when I went into hospital for worries about reduced movement. There was also no way of predicting how much it would affect me. Again, it didn't matter how much I thought I knew, or how I thought I would respond, until it happened.

The same goes for bf. No amount of reading up on the benefits of breastmilk would have helped my dd latch on when she needed her lip tie and tongue tie corrected before she could even get her mouth open wide enough to try to feed. It didn't matter how many hours I spent on kellymom, or reading Jack Newman's blog, or doing literature search (from actual research journals) on galactologues when my useless tits literally could not produce enough milk to sustain my child. Once again, it didn't matter how prepared I thought I was, or how I knew 100% that formula was better that an unhappy, starving baby, it was unexpectedly devestating.

You do not know how things will turn out, you do not know the realities of day to day life with your child and you do not know what decisions you will have to make until you have/raise a child of your own.

Come back in a few years time and let us know how you coped. You'll probably be surprised yourself at how different things are to how planned for them to be.

MessyBun247 · 13/05/2016 09:14

Yes YABU and judgey. Mums have a hard enough time without crap like this

Sprinklesontop · 13/05/2016 09:18

Exactly jay people need to chill and mind their own fucking business. The only thing related to babies and cars that makes me judge is when the baby is on someone's lap.

Judging someone for using a "cheap" seat is just bitchy and says more about you than them lily.

JayDot500 · 13/05/2016 09:56

Sprinkles I actually bought the Cybex Cloud (which can be pulled to allow baby to lie flat). I've done this about 3/4 times (DS is almost 4 months). Although my baby loves his car seat when it is used, for my next baby I will probably buy a cheaper one not because just it's cheap, but because it's absolutely fit for purpose and meets my needs.

Butterchunks hear hear! Hypothesis vs Observation, Expectation vs Reality ... before motherhood vs afterwards, we women usually suffer a shift of opinion once we become mothers. I planned to exclusively bf but after realising I couldn't see how much milk my son was drinking, I couldn't do it exclusively. I planned a water birth but labour lasted 40 minutes. I planned many walks in the park but after a night of multiple feeds I'm lucky if I have the energy to cook and eat most days.

People need to chill, it's not a contest.

Sassypants82 · 13/05/2016 10:18

YABVU
While I agree that prolonged periods should be spent in the carrycot part, I see absolutely nothing wrong with attaching the carseat to the wheels when necessary, especially when baby has fallen asleep in the car. This convenience made my life so much easier until my DS grew out of his maxi cosi.
Also, just to say re spinal deformities, my DS spent the first 8 weeks of his life sleeping cradled in my arms while I slept more or less sitting up (breastfed & absolutely hated his moses basket, this horrible situation developed with me getting very little uncomfortable sleep but was the only way he'd settle) & I was distraught worrying about his back. My GP who is a paediatrician, dismissed my fears, using the comparison that some babies sleep the night in their carseats, as they will only settle there, and their backs will also be absolutely fine. I reckon you should put your energy into caring about something that's actually your own business & stop judging those who are, no doubt, trying to do their best & hold everything together minding a small child.

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