How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

My DD is only 1 but we hope to send her to our local Steiner School. Mostly because I despise the pressure most state schools put on 6/7/8yr olds during SATs.

Working in early years myself, I can wholeheartedly say there are outstanding state schools, more and more of them are working to offer smaller class sizes and have higher staff to children ratios, but this is difficult whilst Tories are in charge. Another reason why i hate them. Labour were fantastic for education and early years

I am pleasantly surprised that 'brands' just doesn't seem to be a thing at DS's secondary (comp) or amongst his friends from another S London comp. Girls included. None of them wear or talk about Jack Wills, I only know about it from MN.

Jean - re sats - don't believe what you read in the press. My dd is y2, she doesn't know she's doing tests at the mo, neither do any of her friends at various other schools. No stress at all.

arethereanyleftatall I've not based what I think on what I've read (although that's not helped) it's from my job working in education. However I do appreciate that some schools are going to be much better at managing this than others. It's great news your DD hasn't be affected by the stress!

Fair enough jean. I'm thinking the schools that know they will do well in the tests haven't had to put pressure in the children at all; but the ones who are worried they may be towards the bottom of the league tables are doing what the media are talking about - training the dc to pass, putting pressure on etc. I might be wrong of course!

Some of the comments on these threads always remind me of the Highgate mums twitter feed tbh.

I think it's more funding related. Schools want to ensure they get the cash

I was torn too but in the end did not like head of the state school .. If you like state go with it, you can't underestimate the value of being surrounded by local friends!

Jean - that's interesting. Does the school get cash then if x amount of children pass?

Sorry op for derailing.

We started with state and moved to a prep school when it all went wrong, and every other state school in the area had a waiting list.

Although I love our prep and thank our lucky stars we can afford it, I also acknowledge that it's about as good as the very good state school near us. Not the ones judged outstanding by Ofsted, oh no.. School is much more than that. Unfortunately for us, we'd never have got into that school anyhow as we're not that particular religion, so just a well we could afford a prep option.

We went private for the following reasons:

1. Nearest state school had a bad reputation. Disruptive behaviour that wasn't managed properly by school (according to Ofsted report)
2. Lots of parents swearing / smoking at the gate at the school we were offered
3. Felt we had little in common with a lot of parents there
4. None of the children at our offered school passed the 11 plus tests (none in the previous 5 years at least). When we asked about this the head said 'you have to understand the background of the majority of the children that attended the school'. So if felt yo us that there children were already written off even before they set foot at the school. We have more ambition for our children than that. They might turn out to be not very academic but they should at least be given a fighting chance.
5. We visited the private school and the atmosphere was worlds apart from the 3 state schools we visited. We do not live in the nicest part of town. I think if we had a good state school with parents and children similar to our family then we probably would have chosen state and saved our money. I just want a school environment where ambition is encouraged and where children will be pushed to meet their full potent. With the smaller classes it means they get more attention so less gap filling at home if any at all. When I speak with friends whose children attend state primary it appears that at our school are exposed to a more varied curriculum than their state school counterpart (more in depth art etc).

I think visiting as many schools as possible, state (obviously where your child has a chance of getting a place) and private is a good first step. For us, we also like the freedom of choosing exactly where we want to send our children instead of the lottery system of state school allocation. I am forrin so this idea of being told where to send my child infuriates (OK a little exaggeration) me.

Each LEA only gets so much money to dish out to the schools. I live and work in a large borough of London, the schools near me have to work hard to get their chunk. There are lots of factors, good Ofsted report, diversity amongst pupils, SN, as well as SAT results.
Not all LEAs will operate in the same way of course, but it's how the schools work here.

Thank you jean, that's interesting.

Personally I would go state. Dont have children of my own but I was a child who went to private school.

1. I received little to no support with learning difficulties. They werent even picked up until I went to college- they were horrified. I failed a lot of my GCSEs which might not have happened if I went to a school where they could be bothered to support me adequately.

1. The classism. Great if your one of the ones driving the latestRange Rover Evoque- not so great if your the one driving the 10 year old ford fiesta. And thats just the adults. Expect bullying of your child doesnt have the latest gadget, designer shoes, you only spend £10 on birthday presents for other children etc.

1. It was just shit. Period.

My cousin went to a private boarding school. I adored him as a little boy (he's nearly 20 years younger than me, and I semi lived with my aunt so he was more like a baby brother than a cousin). As a teen, he was a little shit. Attitude was that it was all about how much money your parents have, that he was somehow superior because of his schooling (I went to a state school). He's now at uni. He flunked his first year. He told me that he didn't bother to go to lectures because they didn't even take a register so no-one even knew. He didn't do too much work because he was so used to having 'prep time' when you were either in a classroom (in the earlier years of boarding) or in your bedroom and not allowed out until prep time was finished, that he lacked any real self discipline to study off his own bat. He didn't make friends because there was no-one there worth the effort.
It took failing and having to redo everything from the start to give him the shock he needed. Four years later, he has learnt how to work, his best mate is someone from a council estate who had a struggle to get where he is and has worked bloody hard the whole way through, and he is back to being the gorgeous little boy I worshipped, only in grown up form.
He came away from private school with arrogance rather than confidence, and a belief that money could buy him anything. He's now confident rather than arrogant and has a serious work ethic. I've always loved him to pieces but now I like him again as well!

Interestingly, another family member who also went to private boarding school says the same thing about the lack of ability to work alone. Their day was so structured that the idea of having a piece of homework and making time to do it when there were multiple other distractions (as you have at home) never came into it until university, and she and many of her friends struggled as a result.

I am very biased because I hate what his school did to my cousin, but I can't see that paying a small fortune did him any favours. He's ended up where I did, with a degree (I hope, finals are happening now). But in the end, the process was much harder for him and I don't think it needed to have been.
Maybe though it's specific to boarding school rather than private school generally??

I am currently torn between keeping my ds in state school (currently reception class) or moving to a Montessori School. We could just about to afford to send both dc (dd is 2) plus the extras ( I wouldn't want to send them but then have them miss out on trips and activities). The reason for my wanting to move him is the results focus of state school, the pressure on teachers & teaching assistants, and the large class sizes. My 5 yo is already stressed and anxious and that can''t be right. I think the Montessori method could suit him better - smaller classes and more child/individual learning, learning through playing and doing. I hesitate though because he is 5, he will change, he will have a different teacher each year in any school and he might respond differently to his next class. Also I worry how the dc would transition from Montessori to state secondary. I hesitate because could I spend that level of money on something else to help the dc? Dh objects to private education full stop, which is a consideration, but is willing to consider Montessori. I will probably dither for ages and keep the dc in our local school (which has a crap estyn rating but I don't hold much truck with those).
My dm is a retired teacher and is very much encouraging me towards Montessori (or any other private school which is more focused on learning and developing than ticking boxes)

Your welcome

at age 6 the only things my son and his school friends talk about are animals and favourite DVDs
What do you imagine state-educated 6 year olds talk about?!

I went to a state school and then to Oxford, where everyone I knew who'd been to a private school most of them fairly modest local establishments, not big posh public schools was convinced that if they hadn't attended their particular private school, they'd be stacking shelves in Tescos. It was an attitude so ubiquitous it was almost as though that was the first thing these commercial entities had taught them

I went to state schools - had bad experience.

Dh went to private schools - had superb experience.

It was a no brainer to me to send ours privately as we could afford it.

Don't regret that decision one bit.

On the small school thing: my DS and my friend's DS are both in year 1, mine at a big London primary, hers at a little village school. They're both gentle souls and a bit offbeat. Mine has a happy group of male and female friends, hers is rather isolated because there are so few children (about 25 in each year versus 90 at DS's school) and his class happens to have a big gender imbalance that has created quite a macho culture. So smaller can have disadvantages too.

Private schools have rules in terms how the students are to behave and behave towards others, which many states do not have

Do you really believe this?

Well, I wasn't going to say this, but dd had 3yrs of a good (previously outstanding) state school, before I decided it wasn't for her - she was getting 'lost' in a class of 30.

She said to me (tonight, actually) "mum, I do love because people are nicer The big boys in scared me, they would just shout 'give us the ball' and in this school they're nicer, they say 'er can we have that ball please'.

There is a very strict behaviour code in her independent school - they emphasise politeness and friendliness - which I'm sad to say was never enforced in her state school. So I'm glad we moved her.

Obvs, other state schools might not be the same.

The behaviour policy in DD's comprehensive is 14 pages long and very strictly enforced.

The ones putting forward the most shocking, blinkered, views of state schools are precisely the sort of parents we are glad to avoid by sending our children to a lovely LOVELY state primary.

IME the children at our state school are far kinder, gentler and more thoughtful than some of the absolute brats we know who go to local prep schools. Children obsessed with labels, square footage of house, etc. If I'm going to be snobbish about it (I am), I'd blame it on the nouveau riche parents who care about such things.

I went to a top private school (hey Lovefromus you might even call it 'exclusive'! how marvellous!) and loved it. Ditto my DH. We might send our children private for secondary but only if they don't get into one of the brilliant state secondaries near us. Our experience of state education has been an absolutely brilliant one - we still count our lucky stars given all the amazing friends we've made, the pastoral care our children have enjoyed, and the outstanding education they've achieved so far.

Please can the parents posting about their lovely exclusive schools STAY THERE so we can keep our small, nurturing, fabulous state school (and all the other ones like it) just the way it is.

underthegreenwoodtree thank goodness your poor DD isn't exposed to those uncouth boys any longer.

Another 'lost' in state school. Can someone start up a bingo game?