How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

If it's a grammar school area, the private school will probably offer more preparation time for the 11+ - that would be the main factor that would swing it for me. Our local prep spends most of Year 5 doing practice papers, whereas the states don't offer anything and parents need to pay for tutoring, if that is what they decide on. That said, the identikit alpha mums outside the prep at home time would be enough to put me off...

Yes, self confidence, lack of manners, no support, rubbish facilities and no respect for others really is rubbish. I'd certainly scroll through that OP - over-generalisations are never helpful.

I'm like Peppa, my DS would have been lost in the only state school he would have been able to attend so we sent him to a non-selective private school when he finished at his infant school. (Also because the boy who continually hurt him was also going to the state school).

The difference has been amazing - he went from being a child who didn't complete ANY school work to being moved up to the top groups within 2 years. The teachers were able to spend the time with him helping him to learn HOW to get on and do the work. He was clever but struggled with focus and concentration. The state infant school said they were 'unable to sit with him because he was clever enough to do the work and they had to spend the time with children who needed extra assistance to understand the work'. (But delighted in bailing me up several times a week to show me his inadequate work and telling me it wasn't good enough but not being able to tell me what they were going to do to help him!)

I don't regret my decision for a minute.

Where I live there's no point in sending children to the private schools: most of the local state ones are up there with the private schools (secondary) and state is better than the private ones for primary. For me it makes no sense to pick private in that scenario.
People round here do it for various reasons including status, fear of riff raff, or as one colleague said "but do captains of industry go to (insert Ds's name) school?" - I take it she wanted the advantage of the old school tie. And looking at the current cabinet, I guess that's why. It is rarely because the standards are higher at the private schools.

If you have an outstanding primary as the closest local school it does seem a bit mad to pay out for education. But visit the school - you get a really good feel for what the school is like and can tell if it will suit your child.

There are no "exclusive private schools here" though. I mean there are well renowned, famous (or infamous possibly) and ones that the local royals go to. Possibly the brilliant state schools wouldn't be beating that one!

Having taught in both state and private schools, any children I have are going private.

And that's coming from someone who is from a single parent family, in the north east, brought up in a council house. I'm not posh.

All you can do is compare the school to the state school you will get allocated.

Aswell as open days most will have summer fayres and sports days where you can get a feel for the place and pupils.

Look at what suits you too. If you are coming home that is 1 hour a day in school run time in the car for you plus extra if concerts etc in evening. A short walk dc can do alone when they are older is very appealing in comparison.

What are you doing whilst they are at school? Private may offer a longer school day for no extra costs. If wrap around scare/non existent at the state this can make the private more appealing. Plus easier on child who isn't watching the others go home at 3.30. On other hand being old child in village not to go to x school will be hard in out of school time.

Do you have/planning more DC?

Also extras, if there are offered as part of school day like swimming, music, ballet will mean you are not having to take them to out of school lessons.

If you are in a grammar area then the private school may well be prepping for 11 plus. A gentler start eg VR from year 3 and prep during school day may be easier on DC than state plus extra tutoring.

Relationship is different. You are a paying customer and treated as such. Easy access to staff and listened to. They appreciate you are working so early finishes last day of term/random inset days/dress up as a victorian at 2 days notice don't happen.

FWIW my dd is in a small private circa 100 pupils school with class size like you mention. We opted for it when DD was allocated an unsuitable state choice. She is happy and thriving age 10. Pros for me are she is in school 8.30-4.15/30 daily so I can work 8-4. Family atmosphere due to size. Also a lot of only children. Exam prep done in school.

Parents wise the parents at dd's school are like me. Most have professional jobs nurse, teacher, solicitor, dr etc or run businesses. Virtually no sahm. Private is also much more ethnically mixed than any state locally.

That said if we live where we live now when DD was 3 she would have gone to the village ofsted outstanding and no doubt been very happy there.

Good luck

We'll be sending our DC to state primary and ideally secondary grammar (which is what I did).

My DH & his brother went to a lovely, small, private, primary school in a nearby village (headmaster & his wife taught at school and they had 3 DC at school). Class sizes were small (8-10 pupils), lots of individual attention - especially for BIL who is dyslexic. Sounds like exactly what you would want for kids, but both DH & BIL said the jump from the lovely, small primary to (private) secondary school was horrible.

BIL is older and was sent away to boarding school ( at wisdom of sending boy who had previously been in class with the same 8 children for the past 7 years about a hundred miles away from his family and friends to go to boarding school but anyway... ). He detested it - ran away from school more than once, refused point blank to go back after Easter holidays (climbed out of his bedroom window and onto roof and threatened to jump if they made him go back ) and PIL had to scrabble to find another school for him.

DH fared a BIT better with private secondary (i.e. no suicide threats) but still said it was a massive shock to the system and had a very negative impact on his first year at the school. They have both said they'd have preferred to go to a primary school that was more similar to the secondary they attended.

I would never choose a primary school with only 13 kids in the year group - the chance of a kid finding other kids with similar interests, experience and maturity out of just 12 others is pretty slim, you'd have to get lucky. At least if there were 60 kids in the year group, there's going to be someone to play with...

I think classes of 13 are too small. I would pick the state school for a larger social circle, especially if the school is co-ed. 13 means they can't even play football or netball.

I chose private because:

1. I'm a single mum so I needed extended hours and wraparound care.

2. The drama and dance opportunities, in general, tend to be better (from my perspective as both a teacher and a parent).

3. I can get slightly more money working in a private school (some pay less though, had to pick carefully) as well as subsidised housing and, as a single parent, that makes a lot of difference. Therefore my children had to be private too as I couldn't get them to a state school due to my longer working hours.

Those reasons are quite specific though, I guess.
Among people I know, the most common reasons for private are:

1. 'middle of the road' child getting lost in a large class
2. small class sizes
3. SEN
4. sport
5. other facilities/activities
6. lack of choce/not getting the choice they wanted in the state sctor

The most common reasons for state are:

1. Finances
2. Locality (convenience and/or local friendships)
3. Principles
4. Never considered another option

Mine ds is only a baby but we've already decided he will be going to private school.
What decided for us? The fact me and dh both went to private school and our bank balance

We picked state for primary and private for secondary. Our thinking was that if the state primary was not great academically, we could easily fill the gaps to age 11, and this was true. The state primary was lively, with outstanding facilities and excellent non-core (music, drama, art etc.)
DC turned out to be academic and we wanted them to be in an environment where that was nurtured not only by teachers but by their peers. We looked at state and private sector and found the perfect school for them. It has flaws, but not ones that matter for my sons. It is just right and they thrive there. I love the ethos of their school. It is profoundly nurturing, instils very solid, warm, unsnobbish moral values, has excellent extracurricular and unbeatable academics. For me, the cost at secondary level is better invested than at primary.

13 students in a class doesn't mean 13 in the year though!!

123 students I assume would mean most year levels from yr3 (a common entry point) would have two form.

State schools ftw

We had a toss up between a very very local pre-prep, which DD already attended the nursery of, and a local state primary. We paid the deposit for the pre-prep but tbh we're quite glad we didn't have to take it up. The classes were small, to be sure, but almost too small, and children left all the time to take up waiting list places at state primaries, so in year two they might be down to only 8 kids. And the outdoor space was quite small, not much room for a really good run around at playtime.

Her state primary has been great so far (year 1). Yes, probably not as academically rigorous, very laid back about homework for example, but we haven't found the 30 in a class to be an issue at all. Lots of local children. We made the right choice.

DD's class is 17 one form. They get around sports by mixing years. They enter small school competitions but regularly beat teams from normal sized classes. More sport in school day and opportunity for sporty to compete from say year 4 whereas in a bigger school they would only get chance in yr 6.

Friends wise they play across the years so juniors together.

Ours is the opposite RiverTam, DD's school has huge fields and outdoor classroom areas. Village school is tiny with portercabins on the playground and hemmed in a terrace so they can't expand.

I think it's interesting to think about the flip side of your pros.

small class = potentially suffocating and small pool of potential friends. Plus huge culture shock when they go to much bigger secondary!

lots of activities available at school = child does everything at school and has no opportunities to mix with wider pool of children. My niece goes to a similar school and I've really noticed how insular she is due to doing everything with the same group of children.

We can afford private, but have chosen state.

Things I like about private school are small class sizes and the extra sport.

However, I met quite a few privately educated adults during my career who I could not abide. They believed themselves to be better than others, and were frankly awful. (Traits i believe are learnt at private) I know not all private school pupils end up like that, most probably don't, but it's not a risk I'm prepared to take.

My ds is only 8 months old and we haven't decided yet. Dh and I both went to state school then private. Dh loved school all the way through and I think would have done well at any school. I needed a big kick in the ass to do any work and a teacher with a smaller class had more time to kick me! If ds is academic I might send him private. My favourite subjects at school were Latin and Ancient Greek and if my ds has any interest I'd like him to have the chance to study them - they're not offered at the state school near us.

I say "exclusive" because DS goes to one of the top three prep schools in London. There are a number of prep schools that are affordable to many parents that are working regular jobs. I do not know why people have mentioned "ethincal" reasons, I am mixed and so are my children, his school has students of all different races, his best friend is chinese.

Yes, self confidence, lack of manners, no support, rubbish facilities and no respect for others really is rubbish. I'd certainly scroll through that OP - over-generalisations are never helpful

Like I previously said, I went to a state school even though my parents could have afforded for me to go private. I am 27 and children were horrible back when I was in primary school and even worst when I was in secondary school, so I dread to think what they are like now, both of my children are very gentle, quiet and never boisterous, my 6 year old has always preferred girls as friends, they just wouldn't get on as well at a state school.

Lol, ethical not ethnicity!!l

I think we are going to go down the private route for DD from reception. However the main factor for us is the convenience compared to state - no faffing about starting part time in reception, fantastic wraparound care, bus service available. As we both will be working FT this is a necessity. If I was a SAHM we would be sending her to the local primary no question.

Love - such a lot of utter tosh all wrapped up in one post.

I would let thè child go to state primary school if it's your intention to use the comehensive. A good local school is an asset that is a pity not to use.