How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

There is really a lot of generalisations going on both sides here. I don't think most state educated children fit in one category (badly behaved/no manners/underachieving and so on) anymore than children who attend private schools fit neatly into another (lacking in oomph/arrogant and so on). For a start there is such variation between the standard of schools in both sectors- there are good and bad state school and there are good and bad private schools. I also think the morals, values and standards of behaviour instilled at home have as great an influence as the school they attend when it comes down to how the child turns out and what kind of adult they grow into.

There are pros and cons to both choices. I don't really know why people get so worked up about choices other people make about their children's schooling.

I have always felt that private school privilege was unethical, but having just left teaching due to incessant poor behaviour across several schools that I've tried in which teachers spend their time getting time wasters onside to the detriment of those who are waiting to learn (one HT's first suggestion was that they responded well to Mars Bars ) I would send my DCs to a private school in a heartbeat if only I could afford it.

I have always prided myself on my high expectations and classroom management. It doesn't work any more. I just can't work like this.

Oh and I found the spoilt affluent kids to be the worst behaved in the leafier school I worked at.

A poster above mentioned that a private primary school prepares their children better for 11+ and grammar school. If the private school offers both a primary and a secondary education, I can't imagine that this would be true as it is not in their financial interest to have pupils leaving. Maybe I'm cynical though.

The only private schools I can think of having both primaries and secondaries are enormously competitive and have scant elective defection rates - Westminster, Latymer, St. P's,. (Sorry - I'm London-centric). Wetherby just started a secondary school but I don't think they would cannibalise their enormous primary cache.

But private primaries are known to kick into high gear in year 5, when the 7, 8 and 10+ are safely behind them.

Oh and I found the spoilt affluent kids to be the worst behaved in the leafier school I worked at.

Surely overly indulged children are poorly behaved wherever you go?

lurked101 I agree parents do make the difference, at age 6 the only things my son and his school friends talk about are animals and favourite DVDs I do not spoil my children with material things, they get a "treat" every fortnight, the only thing I spoil them with is love.

And when my children do get to secondary I pretty much doubt if bullying is happening there, they will not be targets.

If you go private be prepared to have the cash that goes along with it. If you're going to scrimp and save to send your child private but can't afford all the trappings that go with it ( skiing, designer togs, top electronics, plenty of cash to spend) you might as well go secondary as that sort of thing stands out, private schools can be terrible places for bullying.

Private school kids are big skiers, it's true, but their parents like a bit of competitive stinginess and there's a concerted effort to remain low-key. Electronics, cash, and clothing are not a priority.

Well, DS has SEN and goes to a private special school. I didn't necessarily care if the schools his at now was private or state, but it was the best school for him as it catered to his needs and provided him ALOT of money which not lot of special schools would provide, unless they get extra £££.

If DS didn't have SEN, I would put him into a state primary school, I wouldn't even consider putting him into a private school. I found that...and I may get slated for this... that many parents at his private school lived very comfortably or rich and their lives were very different to mine (don't get me wrong, the parents at his current school are lovely and very nice)--completely and I felt and still do, out of place. When DS was at his state mainstream school, I met many parents from different backgrounds, I had more in common with the parents from his state school than the ones I do at his private school.

AH! Was meant to put Therapy, not Money!

From my experience of teaching in , and working in partnership with private schools thats not true any more. It once was.

Everything is Jack Wills and Apple, and top lable trainers/sports kit if your kid is wearing Primark they will notice.

**they will.

From my experience of teaching in , and working in partnership with private schools thats not true any more. It once was.

Everything is Jack Wills and Apple, and top lable trainers/sports kit if your kid is wearing Primark they will notice.

Are you talking about primary or secondary? I can't imagine any primary child knowing the difference between Jack Wills and Primark. Jack Wills is a kind of American affectation that my kids aren't even remotely close to picking up on at 10 and 13.

Seondary, Jack Wills is definately a thing, I found the 1st years upwards became very competitive regarding brands, where you went on holiday etc.

I'm not judging, just saying to be aware of it, if you are scrimping and saving for school fees you may feel that you are doing the best for your child but if they don't "fit" in private education it can be a very lonely place for them.

Well I went to a private school and there was plenty of riff raff there. As pp said lots of drugs and drinking, and a substantial number of my peers flunked their GCSEs. So I don't think you meet better people at all at private schools - just people of all sorts with money.
My DC are and will continue to be state educated. It's a more accurate reflection of the real world imo, which they will have to live in.

Jack Wills is British btw.

The questions are simple, OP.

1. Can we comfortably afford private school? What would we do if our financial situation changed (redundancy etc)? Could we still afford it?

2. Do we want to afford private school? ie is there good state provision in your area? How important are the small classes, or the slightly higher emphasis on academic achievement, or the fact that they don't do SATS to us?

There are people here that will swear state education is no different from private - but that's not true IME. I've had dc in both, and, again IME, I can categorically say that private is better, but expensive. A lot of people can put the £10k a year to better use than a small class for their dc.

lurked101 I have not heard of the brand Jack Wills and people buy Apple desktop/laptops because they last longer, If you buy something cheap you're going to find yourself having to replacing it, and don't most children in London have "label trainers" sports trainers for children are fairly cheap, I can say that I don't ever think my children will notice what brands their friends are wearing and make horrible comments.. and to think that a skiing trip was a common family break.

I also think some parents who send their children to private schools are not doing it with their child's best interest at heart, just theirs.

Btw - at dd's private school (primary) Jack Wills etc is not a thing, nor is it particularly snobbish amongst the other parents there. Some drive truly crap cars However, I'm aware that this is more a 'thing' at secondary level - we're hoping to get dd into a state grammar for secondary.

The emphasis at dd's school is very much on pastoral care, small classes, extra-curricular activities (partic sport) and academic achievement.

If you have teenagers then you'll know Jack Wills - and those same teenagers will absolutely notice what brands their friends are wearing. As for making horrible comments - that depends on how they've been brought up.

at Apple lasting longer. Yeah, because the iphone 1 is still so popular.

"I'd also like to know what you mean by "the real world" my children do not know abuse and violence and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. But I have educated them about poverty and people whom are less fortunate."

PMSL.

If your chosen private school is focused on play based learning rather than the narrow academic focus that the current state schools are forced to choose then i'd say go for it.

However, moving from private to state at 11 having been in this sort of environment then your child may struggle. 13 seems too small a class size. Is that the only school on offer locally?

Fwiw, I was educated privately (single sex day school) from age 9-18. Looking back, the academic and social focus was too narrow. We weren't encouraged to look beyond university and a professional career in our mc bubble. I did both but now regret not having my eyes opened further (not only school's fault of course, parental expectations played a part).

Socially, everyone I knew had a nice home, holidays, enough money (not necessarily loads) and was destined for university. Narrow again, university meeting people who had struggled was an eye opener.

School was academic, I was average. Has affected my self esteem for many years. Genuinely believed until A levels I wasn't very bright. Measured myself against Oxbridge level entrants.

Otoh, my brother who went to a top private school, also v academic, has no such hang ups and enjoyed the excellent sporting facilities hugely.

My children? State school unless I go back to profession! I'm happy with the school apart from the narrow focus on English and maths imposed by Nicky Morgan et al.

I really struggled with the choice at primary level. But feel that state school prepares you better to be a citizen vs private preparing you to be a CEO but perhaps with less of an understanding of the different types of people who make up your organisation and wider society. The former felt more important to me.

Having said that, I would like the option of private to offer at secondary level, depending on which schools are available/accessible.

"If you buy something cheap you're going to find yourself having to replacing it, and don't most children in London have "label trainers" sports trainers for children are fairly cheap, I can say that I don't ever think my children will notice what brands their friends are wearing and make horrible comments.."

Most children in London do have "lable trainers" dear, I have vast experience of working in all levels of schools here. Sorry to dispel your myth.Also having been on a conference recently with girls from a well known and exclusive private school I can say that they aren't all well behaved and certainly are capapble of being extremely mateiralistic and mean about it.

You might not think your children will do XYZ but I can assure they will notice what others are wearing/owning and other children will notice them noticing, children can be cruel. See there you made a vieled comment regarding buying something cheap and didn't seem to think it offensive, others might find it so.

Oh and plenty of drugs at both mine and my brother's school if you wanted them. Children at private school have more money, it's a no brainier for dealers.