How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

Mostly forces families in DDs private prep. Or funded by grandparents. Not wealthy families at all.

You don't have to do either......you can always homeschool......

But Forces families, and funded by Grandparents doesn't mean its available to average families at all.

lurked did you actually read the rest of what I posted at all?

These average families are not paying the fees at all (or very little of them) That's how they 'manage'. And I specifically said that the criteria they meet are unavailable to most

It explains the dichotomy between average families not being able to afford private school and private schools having a large minority of average families in them. Other people pay.

I've spent years lurking reading these types of threads. My DDs are 8 and 9 now. What I've realised is that it is ridiculous to give yourself a choice of "state v private". All schools are different. If you can afford the fees, then ignore the fees and look at exactly what your schools offer and what is right for your children.

Ours are at the catchment state primary. We knew nothing about education when they started there, so it was chosen because it was local and was Ofsted "good" and there was no good reason for them NOT to go there. And it has turned out to be great.

A lot of our friends send their children to various private schools. Reasons mostly seem to be class sizes, and that they get pushed more. However one friend, after a few drinks, once told me that it was about the sort of people they meet. I suspect she actually put into words the real reason that a lot of them choose private schools. Personally I agree with a PP on the first page that there is riff raff everywhere, and the riff raff at private schools are just riff raff with money!

(Sorry if this thread has moved on a bit, just replying to the OP!)

Totally agre tootsie. I couldn't give two hoots whether my children attend state or private, ideologically.

I have one at each, because we chose schools based on what was right for each DC, and because we were financially able to add private schools into that mix.

I really don't believe I pay school fees to avoid "riff raff". However I've selected an academically selective private day school (rather than non selective - there are plenty of private schools where you don't need to be particularly bright to get in) because I think that is best for my sons. As teenagers peer group matters and most children in the class work pretty hard. That of course can be found in the better state schools too. I do suspect there is less class disruption in their private school. If your parents put every last penny into a school place (which is very common for many parents in the state sectors and mothers working full time and people with second jobs where otherwise they might not be working full time etc) then the child does tend to realise it might be a good idea if they put in a bit of work.

However there are plenty of good state schools too so no parent needs to get too worried about which sector they choose. I work in the City or at least in that world and there are people from all kinds of backgrounds and the most common factor is not class, colour, religion or even gender - it's can you work very hard and are you bright enough to do the job.

Even in a poor, in and out of special measures, school there will be children who work hard, compete with each other to do well, achieve good results.

In the year that my DCs' school managed to be the second worst school in England my reasonably intelligent, dedicated (but not outstandingly so) DD1 achieved straight As at GCSE and she wasnt the only one.

It isnt simply a choice of private school, outstanding selective grammar to for children to succeed or some ghastly sink school for children to fail. It is about making the best of what you can afford.

Yes, I agree and one of my teenagers said last week he felt the teacher in one subject was useful for exam technique but that he had learnt a lot of the course by working himself at home. (They are in a guinea pig A level/ AS year as subjects move over to the new system so everyone is a bit at sea with no past papers to go on).

manicinsomniac The criteria for Forces families are that the parental contribution is at least 10% of the fees, and the children have to be boarding, and the family mobile. I suggest you read the regulations! The only time you get 100% fees is out of UK if the kids attend an international school on an overseas posting as day pupils.

We were a Forces family that used a prep school, and because he was a day boy, we paid all the fees. As he was not boarding, and I worked and didn't move when my husband's job did, i.e stable, not mobile, then we had no entitlement to CEA. We weren't wealthy, we both worked full time, and my state secondary teaching salary paid for the prep school costs.

Scaryteacher, what led you to the decision to go private? An absence of good nearby state schools or was that particular private school a good fit for your DS? Or some other reason entirely?
Interested in teachers' perspectives. So many teachers on this thread have such diverse views

User

I totally agree with your background comment.
It's the same at dd school, it doesn't matter who you are, how much money your parents have or haven't got.

If you show potential and can come up with the goods then you are in, irrespective of parents income. It's very selective because it has a catchment area of the world, the children come from all walks of life from sink estate, to Russian Oligarch.

My children's father ( a teacher) who has taught in both staet and private sectors had universally found the private schools much better. he felt like a policeman he said in the state schools! We did only pay 15% of fees for one child for 7 years which was helpful for that child.Also 3 of the children won music scholarships at 13+ but that was a fairly nominal fee discount so wasn't make or break in terms of whether it could be afforded or not.

I agree with gnome in that there are variations - it's not always a choice between fab and awful. There are compromises along the way.

There are pros and cons to each choice. We could easily afford to send DD3 to the selective private school her sister attended, however, its quite a way, and that has Implications for friendships parents evenings etc. By not doing we could give her the price of a very substantial deposit on a house...

The comp is local and good...I don't think it's quite as good as the private school...

If the difference it made was say moving grades from abb to aaa then it's worth doing perhaps..but if you move from cdd to ccc I don't think it would make quite the difference.