How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

what do you call real life?

abusive fathers? violent parents, parents drinking, marriage break down, split families? bankruptcy, cancer?

I thought that it had been proven than until class size drops below 15 then there's absolutely no benefit. So 20 is no 'better' than 30.

I think my posts are being misunderstood here. I didn't say money was the only factor. I pointed out that some posters specifically said that even if they wanted to, private wasn't an option financially, so for them there was no choice to make, hence probably didn't look into it as much as others who it was an option for. Just like I don't research buying an Aston Martin as well as David Beckham as I can't afford one!!

As for the insinuation about not being able to make a balanced argument, I think you are reading too much into that.

You're just rehashing what you've already said, peppatax.

Started off in private, but then moved to state. Result is much much happier DC, achieving well, in a situation socially which is representative of life, and away from a mentality which I despaired of.

I'd also like to know what you mean by "the real world" my children do not know abuse and violence and I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. But I have educated them about poverty and people whom are less fortunate.

Well if it wasn't understood the first time...

What have you done specifically? Told them to work hard or they'll end up working in the till in Waitrose? That sort of thing?

OP didn't ask for thoughts on private schooling as a concept but reasons for individual choice

Peppatax, I didn't say coherent. I said repetitive.

Potato - yes, they were bitter comments, weren't they. Quite why anyone would use them to describe children in state school is beyond me but they did. PM me if you want to discuss further.

SirChenjin I was not once being bitter, I was simply speaking of my personal experience, nothing ever gets said to those who say they wouldn't send their children to a private school incase they turn out to be drug addicts and how the children there or stuck up and snobs, you also get some children that are only in a private school due to their parents/families illegal earnings, in hope that their child will do well in the future, which sometimes they don't.

FWIW we have just started our 4yo at the nursery part of a prep school. Great state schools here but heavily oversubscribed, we are also in a "grey area" and were worried we wouldn't get a place. We started looking privately and fell in love with her now prep school. Classes of 15, a school buddy system up the school and a very inclusive feel to it, also reasonable fees. As a child I struggled with confidence and found the transition to secondary very tough.

We are pleased with our decision as the kids don't sit dreaded SATs, are prepared well well in advance for secondary entrance (be it state or private) without any need for extra provision with extra tutors etc - apparently this is common where I live, can't get my head around that! A very strong pastoral element to it too.

Financially it is a bit of an expense but we figured we could reduce other outgoings and I can up working hours (I'm a freelancer) to make it work.

I can't understand why people take the decision to go state/private so personally, what works for one child doesn't necessarily work for another. Good luck whatever you decide and lucky you having a fantastic state secondary on your doorstep!

I decided by thinking:

"Can I afford to send my child to private school? No... state school it is".

It was a very simple decision really.

"Filtering out the riff raff" is one of the more unpleasant phrases I've seen today.

Anyway - we chose state primary. It's a hell of a lot of cash for not much gain. We are undecided for secondary but probably state.

I don't think private school offers a rounded education. A lot of privately educated kids seem lacking oomph.

A poster above mentioned that a private primary school prepares their children better for 11+ and grammar school. If the private school offers both a primary and a secondary education, I can't imagine that this would be true as it is not in their financial interest to have pupils leaving. Maybe I'm cynical though.

No Love you were not speaking from personal experience. For example -

"Private schools have rules in terms how the students are to behave and behave towards others, which many states do not have, and of course smaller class sizes and extra support is always there if you need it and much better facilities".

There are absolutely no I statements there.

You then went on to say -

"children were horrible back when I was in primary school and even worst when I was in secondary school, so I dread to think what they are like now"

Private schools have rules in terms how the students are to behave and behave towards others, which many states do not have

I hope things are a lot better than when my Stepbrother was at a well-known private secondary and was bullied remorselessly to the point where he attempted suicide. The offender was never dealt with and is now a peer of the realm. At the time, money and influence were very significant factors.

SirChenjin my bottom statement Is true, due to that reason I decided that I would never put my children in a state school.

How do you decide between private school or state school?

Open purse, look in purse.....decide on state school :o

wasonthelist I am really sorry to hear about what happened to your stepbrother.

What - all the children in your state primary and secondary schools were horrible, every single one of them, and therefore you dread to think what all state primary and secondary school children are like now?

Do you realise how ridiculous and offensive you sound?

Oh - and just so that you are really clear, state schools have rules in terms of how pupils are to behave, just as private schools do.

I wouldn't choose to send s child to any school that had only 123 pupils from baby to 11 yrs. it seems sweet when they are tiny, but from about 7 they divide into boys and girls for friendship groups. You think your child won't, but mostly, they do. So in a class of 10 there might only be 4 or 5 other boys.

Also being able to walk to school, and even more importantly walk to friends, adds hugely to quality of life. Especially for years 5 and 6 when they can go on their own.

There are horrible kids and nice kids everywhere - it isn't based on the size of your parents income or savings.

Lots of sweeping generalisations here.

Private kids are not nicer nor better educated than state. You get all sorts of nouveau riche people with fairly uncouth manners and tastes along side the "better " sorts people on here thing they are.

Do you know what makes the difference? Not schools, but parents.

State kids tend to do better at degree level though.

If you go private be prepared to have the cash that goes along with it. If you're going to scrimp and save to send your child private but can't afford all the trappings that go with it ( skiing, designer togs, top electronics, plenty of cash to spend) you might as well go secondary as that sort of thing stands out, private schools can be terrible places for bullying.