How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

You know, popocat at least you're honest ;-)

Thank you all for your honesty.

The thing is, I'm not really considering private for the academic side of things... I had a Levels that could have got me into uni and I decided against it and took on an apprenticeship, so I suppose I'm not all for studying and all, not saying it's bad to be! I'm just not. I think I'm considering it due to the opportunities, like the trips they go on and the days out they do - it's all more hands on, than sitting at a desk! I like that a lot and I have visited the school and I was taken into classes and all the children were talking to each other, due to the small sizes, the children didn't seem to have that group of friends because they were a group! :) there are also more mixed backgrounds and I like that so he can learn about those too, etc.

The state school is fab also, I prefer their playground and they get good results, but that obviously isn't my main focus. I also like the location. I still need to visit this school.

WRT secondary, I wouldn't be saving the money to change it around (state primary/private secondary). I want him to go to a state secondary. It's also outstanding (we are in a pretty lucky area!) and it is my secondary I went to and all I can say is they saved my life, literally. Their emotional and wellbeing care is bloody fantastic. He really needs to go to that secondary school we may even have to more just so he is in the catchment

I think I'll visit them both again and take a better look into the reports and see what things need improving for each and that will help me decide

Our boys go to public school.

Smaller class sizes (

I went to state school - two dire, excellent sixth form - then to Oxford. I now teach in a private school.

My own children will go to private school. The children I teach have far more advantages than I had at school, not just academically but in terms of sport, extra-curricular provision and also socially. Moreover, I teach Classics and really want them to have the opportunity to study Latin and Ancient Greek: the number of state schools offering this is minuscule. For me this is actually one of the deciding factors. It may be that they have no interest in Classics, but I'd at least like them to have the opportunity to decide that!

I don't see bitterness Potatoes, I see people objecting to such hugely nasty assumptions and generalisations being made about the majority of children in the UK.

I think the strongest 'anti' opinions on this thread come from those anti private school, most parents who have chosen private school can provide a balanced argument about the pros and cons of both having had to make the choice. I'm aware of the pros of state school but the benefits for us of private outweigh the risks

Surely many people with children at state have also made a choice? I don't understand your post.

Really peppa - you think that the stereotyping of children from state schools, the quality of education and so on here is well balanced?

Yes but many have not made that choice, as previous posters say it's not an option due to cost. So if you go private, you have made that choice by default or your child would be at state school.

I chose private prep for my DD.

We sit between 2 villages- one which isn't great (headmistress is known locally as very religious and is also known to push her views at the school. Most recent inspection was quite critical of the school but not much has changed. Lots of parents unhappy) and one which is ok. We would most likely have been offered a place in the worst of the two. Neither gave a great impression when we visited, TBH.

In DD's school I liked the small class sizes (max 13 in each class with a TA in each class too) and the ethos of the school. When we went to visit, the classrooms were happy and calm. The facilities were, as you'd expect, a real plus- for instance they have science labs and dedicated science teacher from form 4 on. There is an amazingly broad range of extra-curricular activities on offer too. It's not perfect, but I'm really happy with the choice we made. DD's education is fantastic and she's thriving. I don't think it would suit everyone and that's fair enough.

At the end of the day, you make the choice that you believe best suits your child. If that is the local state school, then they go there. If that is a private school, and you can afford it, then that is the right choice for your child.

I would say though, if you are planning state senior school then I'd think carefully.

Well, we chose home ed...people make choices for all sorts of reasons.

But some of the comments or implications on here about state school children (I.e: the majority of the country) are just plain nasty.

I don't see the issue with going to a private primary and state secondary? Am I missing something? I know lots of children who have done that

State for us because the local primary is pretty much the school of my dreams and the comprehensives gets similar exam results and destinations to the independents with the exception of Ivy League entry, which I'm not particularly interested in. And I don't have to spend my life working just to pay the fees.

I think she just means she doesn't like state secondaries. I know lots who do it that way round too, especially if local state primaries aren't as nurturing as they would like. I do know more who do state primaries then secondary private. Which is more what we would do were we using schools, based on what is available locally.

I think I'm considering it due to the opportunities, like the trips they go on and the days out they do - it's all more hands on, than sitting at a desk! I like that a lot and I have visited the school and I was taken into classes and all the children were talking to each other, due to the small sizes, the children didn't seem to have that group of friends because they were a group! smile there are also more mixed backgrounds and I like that so he can learn about those too, etc.

Hecegoza splitting this out:

1. trips and days out - but surely with the money you save by going state, you can give your DS some fantastic holidays/days out/other opportunities in the holidays and at weekends?

2. small size of class means they are a group: That is great if you get a good year group. It will be AWFUL if your DS is unlucky and ends up in a not so good year grop - for example if there are one or two unpleasant kids who dominate, or half the class is made up of a group of kids who all know each other some other way and your DS isn't included. It means there are no other, nicer groups for him to join instead - just the one not very nice group. Big risk.

3. more mixed backgrounds: Really? More mixed at a private school than state - that's surprising. Surely the private school backgrounds are all fairly well off whereas there is a mix of affluence levels at state? Also how much of a mix really with only 123 pupils...? Also again, with such small numbers, the mix may change a lot - even if it's quite mixed now it may not be in a few years.

I am not anti private - we are sending DDs private! But I don't think your reasons really stack up?

In a private school finishing at age 11 many will go into state especially in or near a grammar area. Only 1 leaver at DD's school is going private for secondary, half the class to the grammar and others to local comprehensive.

Again with the arrogance peppatax, with a not so subtle dig that parents of state educated children are incapable of making a balanced argument.

I am not anti private school per se. But I really can't understand why you would pay 10s of 1000s if pounds to go private when you have an outstanding state school on your doorstep. Give your DCs advantages by spending the money you'd have spent on school by providing enriching experiences that you can share with them.

Even if they haven't come across properly as I type! I understand what I'm saying

I will take him out too and we do! I'm not trying to sound big headed or whatever, as I'm seriously not like that, but if I'm honest, I don't need the money that we will spend on school to take him out

I like the school and it's very difficult to explain why, without just posting the website here!!

Sorry if I'm not making much sense.

Like I say, I prefer the pastoral care at the private than at the state. I'm not saying all state schools don't have great pastorals (as obviously I don't think that as I want to send him to a state secondary due to its amazing pastoral care)

So, peppatax, you think money is the only deciding factor. How very, very wrong you are.

Some secondary schools do classics - the two nearest me (both outstanding and totally well deserved imho) do them. It's bizarrely one of the reasons my daughter is looking forward to starting in September.

Private doesn't necessarily mean a great job - it is disingenuous for an earlier poster to suggest that. Certainly in my industry nobody has a clue what school anyone went to. And it is a very much sought after industry to work in. Perhaps if you wanted your kids to be a banker or a politician... Does "the old school tie thing" really have so much sway outside these two professions? Happily mine are more into the creative world! You can spend a fortune on private and your child end up doing a McJob.It happens. Surely what's important is that they are happy and have a decent life.

Ours is state and yes has brilliant pastoral care.

isnt the term - state till 8

I agree Daily a happy life and if your dc would be happier in private and you can afford then why not? some dc are suited more to private.

Only 1 leaver at DD's school is going private for secondary, half the class to the grammar and others to local comprehensive.

Similar at my kids' school.

Our children go/will go to state school. We are lucky enough to have an outstanding rated one thirty seconds from our front door.
But I would still have been uneasy about the idea. I think private schooling tends to be divisive. The children stay in a perfect little bubble of wealth and class and are totally unprepared for real life.
I went to private primary then state secondary. I found the experience of going from a tiny exclusive school to a large school with a wider demographic absolutely terrifying. (We're not taking Grange Hill either - but an old fashioned girls grammar!)
Surely the posters who think their shy children will be "lost " in a state primary are actually perpetuating the problem? Even if you manage private secondary too, sooner or later they have to face the real world. It's much better to be prepared for it by being used to mixing with people from all of society.
Another thing I'll say is that it's worth bearing in mind if you can afford to "fit in" as well as just manage the fees. My parents couldn't easily afford it and barely scraped the fees. We never went on holiday etc We stuck out like sore thumbs among our classmates who all had swimming pools in their back gardens and went skiing.
My husband went to public (boarding) school and agrees, luckily.