How do you decide between private school or state school?

[Hecegoza]

I'm so torn... There's a lovely prep school, relatively close (15 min drive) and it only has 123 students - from age 1-11. I'd want mine to start at Pre-Reception.

It's very family-like and has great pastoral care (which I think is more important than results, for sure).

It's reasonable price - it's £21 a morning session for Pre-Reception and then £2,900 each term up to Year 6. That includes lunch/swimming, etc.

Then there's an 'Outstanding' state school which is walking distance, it's a lovely newly built building. Then friends he met at school would most likely be in his village too... So that's a bonus, and most likely to go to the same secondary.

I'm struggling to decide if your kids go private, why is that? If state, why did you pick that? I feel they both have good benefits!

Well I'm pretty opposed to private schools, though I can understand the pull if there are no decent state schools in your area. As you have an outstanding state school within walking distance, ethical issues aside, I'd go for that.

I have experience of both private and state schooling. I would never send my children to a private school because I've seen even the nicest children develop a sense of exclusivity and entitlement and a tendency to pass judgment on those not like themselves after they've been there a term or two. I wanted my children to learn to get on with people of all abilities and from all walks of life. (Or at least not see them as a feral underclass). Also, more practically, small class sizes aren't always necessarily a good idea. A class of thirteen could mean there were only five other boys/girls in the class. If factions developed and everyone sided against your child, how would you feel? Larger classes can offer more friendship opportunities and more flexibility.

There are some ridiculous generalisations about both private and state schools on this thread.

Surely most parents look at the selection of schools available to their DC and make a choice as parents at primary and as a family at secondary?

If funds or scholarship capability allow then private schools could be in that selection too.

Then it's just about what's right for your DC.

FWIW I have one at private prep and one at a state maintained special school. Because these are the right schools for them. Not us. Them.

Well I think it does no one any harm to not always get the teachers attention automatically, to maybe take the odd public bus to a public swimming pool, to have a Saturday job. But I think what privately/ publicly educated young people lack is self efficacy.

"At the end of the day you pay for what you think is important"

So - people who don't send their children private, they all have big houses, foreign holidays, and don't have their child's education as a high priority?

My children haven't:

"developed a sense of exclusivity and entitlement and a tendency to pass judgment on those not like themselves after they've been there a term or two",

despite both having had a fully private primary education. Parenting also counts!
Such a sweeping, simplistic generalisation which is actually quite offensive.
Both children can get on with all types of children at their state secondaries; not my subjective view ,but their current teachers objective view.

"Then it's just about what's right for your DC. "

Primarily it's about the depths of your pockets.

I agree

Sweeping generalisations are rife on this thread.

And badly informed.

Maybe I have had these discussions in RL as well, I think that a lot of parents of teenagers at private schools have no idea how much harder dcs work and how much more of the work is done independently in the state sector. I am talking about high achievers here, but many will be working (for pay)20 hours a week in their a level year. Many will be preparing/purchasing their own food if not for the rest of the family as well as opposed to having it prepared by staff. Ditto washing and clothing. I know it's not a popular view but I think privately and especially public ally educated youngsters are wrapped up in cotton wool.

Still - I went to state school and my mum let me stay at home and not contribute or help out until 25 (I had a job)

This is my lived experience of going from a state secondary to a university with 50% privately educated intake and marrying one of them!!

But it isn't the same for all - some work bloody hard in private, some don't work bloody hard in state, to be a high achiever - in life...

Oh, fyi, my DH went to private for 3-18 and I did state 3-18 both went to uni and tbh, he has worked harder than me - had a job at 14, got multiple public buses to get to school, had to do food shopping.

So this horrible stereotyping is ludicrous

I think pulling pints 2 evenings a week is better for an 18 year olds life skills than playing in 3 orchestras (just my opinion).

He did a paper round at 14... At 16 he worked in a supermarket...

As I say it is my lived experience yours is different, fair enough. But I'm not surprised by the Sutton trusts findings.

Sutton trust's -bloody state education

I've had children at both state and private schools. My youngest 2 aged 7 and 13 are both currently privately educated.

From extensive experience I would say that the private school wins hands down for me - if you can afford it I'd definitely recommend it.

The prep school is like being part of an extended family, although the one mine go to is much larger than yours. The class sizes are still small though - around 13-15 children in each.

There are just SO many reasons for me, I'd be writing a huge post. I'm really happy for you to private message me with any questions though but I don't want to bore people.

You mentioned activities and this is a huge part of school life. There are just so many things to choose from and mine have activities every single day after school and occasionally before. In fact they even shoot and fence on Saturday morning. The school has fantastic facilities, including 2 swimming pools as well.

Also although my children at state primaries were very happy theres no doubt, parents were not really present much. We'd wave goodbye in the playground in the morning, attend an assembly once a term and perhaps a sports day and collect from the playground in the afternoon. In the lower prep school though, you drop your children right to the classroom (which has windows in the wall to see inside from the corridor) and when they leave the teacher shakes each of their hands individually. The children say "Good afternoon Mrs X" before leaving. Its nice waiting for them in the warm and I loved seeing them get organised for the day after they'd left me. In the upper prep the teacher brings the class to the main hall and you meet them there after the goodbyes. You are allowed to watch every single after school activity and many parents turn up for these - you feel connected to the school in a way that I never did with state. That's not a criticism at all, the state primaries do a marvellous job with huge classes and stretched budgets. The wrap around care is great for working parents too, but for SAHM like me, it still gives great peace of mind to know that if you ever can't get back in time you can just call and send them to after school care.

The medical care is second to none - they employ their own full time nurse and the sick room has a couple of beds in a beautifully decorated room. The children who fall over etc and end up there usually get cookies and milk!

The teachers take lots of photographs of everything and these are emailed home (you can of course withdraw consent for this but I don't know anyone who has).

With the senior school there's less parental involvement and it's not relevant to you at this stage but I'm happy to discuss this with you too, but once again it's very different.

I'm not really doing it justice - but if money isn't an issue I'd wholeheartedly recommend it.

Please do contact me if there's anything specific you want to know - I could talk forever on this subject. I think my 7 year old has a magical time at school. I wish it was me :)

Primarily it's about the depths of your pockets

No it isn't. Plenty of wealthy people choose state education for their children if the local state school is right for them.

On the flip side, we have one of our children in private education and we are not wealthy.

I was educated at a well known girls' public school. My parents were not wealthy either. I had a scholarship place. I worked as a waitress in a pizza restaurant during sixth form.

Generalisations are thoughtless and harmful.

"Plenty of wealthy people choose state education for their children if the local state school is right for them"

They have a choice - lets start there.

Most people don't.

"I was educated at a well known girls' public school. My parents were not wealthy either. I had a scholarship place"

To the victor the spoils.

Most children have no choice, no prizes, no privilege.

Those who get the most need it the least.

Antanddec123, I didn't mean my statement to be a generalisation but rather a reflection of my personal experience, but I can see it came across that way and I agree that it was offensive in the way that it was phrased, and I apologise. I also think that it's at secondary stage that what I was talking about really applies.