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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
ScOffasDyke · 09/05/2016 20:44

You can't have an extension of time to do the course, as if you are to be prosecuted instead, the police must do that within 6 months of the offence. If you got an extension of time but still didn't do the course, you'd get away scot free.

If you can't do the course within the time limit, you have to take the fixed penalty/go to court

harshbuttrue1980 · 09/05/2016 20:45

There were two reasons why you shouldn't have been texting - 1. It is rude under any circumstance to be sneakily texting while someone is talking to you - are you going to let your own child do that at school when the teacher is talking? 2. The fact that you clearly lack awareness of speed limits or aren't sufficiently bothered about the consequences of breaking them (for you, your unborn child and other people) shows that you needed to listen to what the teacher was saying.
You're too old to act like a teenage rebel.

mrsgiraffes · 09/05/2016 20:47

Do you text when you're driving too?

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 09/05/2016 20:48

First question on my speed awareness course:
"How many of you got caught in the Limehouse Link?"
About a third of participants put their hands up - it's clearly easily done.
That said, you shouldn't have been texting outside the breaks, so for that YABU

Lucyccfc · 09/05/2016 20:49

I have worked as a trainer in the past (I now manage a group of trainers).

This is my pet hate - it's incredibly rude. I would have booted you out of the class the first time you did it, never mind the second. I am also a Mum, but baby/breast feeding cannot be used as an excuse to be rude.

Muskateersmummy · 09/05/2016 20:49

Ywbu I'm afraid. I have recently attended one of these. The day before I was meant to attend I broke my spine. I called let them know, rescheduled for the latest possible appointment. With my discharged letter they happily rearranged and organised for me to be comfortable throughout. There was another person there who needed to keep their phone on for personal reasons and they allowed her to do so. All you had to do was ask them if you could keep it on, on silent in case of an emergency with your new baby. But to type a message whilst they were talking is rude, and meant you weren't concentrating and wouldn't have benefited from the course.

The course is not there to be an annoying alternative to points, if you engage and listen, you can learn a lot ! I know I did.

MadisonMontgomery · 09/05/2016 20:49

You weren't forced to take the course & leave your baby, so I don't believe you were THAT concerned about it you had to keep checking your phone. You knew you shouldn't have been speeding, but you did it anyway - you knew you shouldn't have been on your phone but you did it anyway. So yes, you were extremely U.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 20:50

Rather than taking the points, I should just not have done what I did (i.e. the phone stuff) as I genuinely think the course was hugely valuable and am glad I went on it.
It's not an area I had ever driven in before (or since), which is why I don't recall the name of the tunnel. They would never have offered a speed awareness course to someone doing 37 in a 20 mph zone. It is not (and this was explained to us on the course) something that would be offered to someone doing almost twice the limit (there are other reasons you might not be offered it too, e.g., you've already done it within a certain time frame). (I have not read or examined the legislation or guidance on this myself so have taken the tutor's word for this, in case someone points out I'm wrong!)

OP posts:
WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 09/05/2016 20:52

Yabu

If doing the course was such s problem you should've taken the points.

You mentioned breaks and being allowed to leave to pump so you should've checked your phone then and only then.

You could've kept it on vibrate in your pocket and instructed your friend to call in an emergency and excused yourself if it happened. And you could call her in the breaks.

The breastfeeding is entirely irrelevant.

An adult should have enough common sense not to use their phone in a class, especially after having been told and then told off for ignoring what you'd been told

NerrSnerr · 09/05/2016 20:53

If you were unable to be fully present you should have taken the points. I wouldn't have left my baby that young (too much effort as she was pretty much attached to the boob at that age) so I would have taken the points.

MissMellowMellons · 09/05/2016 20:53

Numpty you was rude (even if you did not hear no phone action allowed) to even look at phone, never mind text when you're in a class about awareness. Utter numpty.

summerdreams · 09/05/2016 20:54

Yanbu you had a 11 week old baby, checking your phone is normal and having to do it in the 1st place is bs imo.

BMW6 · 09/05/2016 20:54

How did we manage before mobile phones were invented........Hmm

No excuse for such rudeness.

lifesalongsong · 09/05/2016 20:55

I'm still surprised you don't know where you were caught, I've done a speed awareness course and the camera that got me is burnt in my memory so much that I avoid going that way just in case I have another momentary lapse.

lifesalongsong · 09/05/2016 20:56

We didn't have speed awarenss courses before mobile phones so that's not a relevant issue Grin

blackistheneworange · 09/05/2016 20:57

You were given a warning and still carried on, YABU.

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2016 21:00

Did people not leave breastfed newborns with other people before mobile phones were invented?

PlaymobilPirate · 09/05/2016 21:02

I wouldn't put up with that shit from my 16 year old students, never mind from a grown woman.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 09/05/2016 21:06

he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc

Why should he have apologised to you? Confused you were there for breaking the rules on the road and displayed a completed disregard for the rules of the course. He was right to expel you. You werent showing any respect at all!

Tohaveandtohold · 09/05/2016 21:08

YABU, it was just for 4 hours and you had breaks in between where you could have called or sent the texts. There was nothing in the post that suggest the text was sent to the person you left your child with either so it could wait.

ilovesooty · 09/05/2016 21:09

summerdreams the OP didn't have to do it. She couldcould have taken the points if she felt unable to engage and follow the expectations.

FairNotFair · 09/05/2016 21:11

If it was the one beginning with L (the L* L**), it's a 30 limit but a nasty intersection... and a notorious speed camera.

Gabilan · 09/05/2016 21:12

Summerdreams she didn't have to do the course. She could have had points and a fine instead. Also, she was texting, not just checking.

Prior to the invention of mobiles, millions of children grew up without continually being contactable. Mobiles are very useful. They aren't necessary.

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2016 21:12

So am I understanding right that the Op did the course twice in the end?

SilverBirchWithout · 09/05/2016 21:12

I have done a speed awareness course recently. They are very clear at the start of the course that you will be expelled from the course if you do not participate, not return after breaks or use your phone. The really hammered this point home several times. You obviously knew this because you state that you didn't obey the rule, leaving the phone switched, still switched on (albeit on silent).

Sounds to me that you have problems seeing, hearing and keeping to clear and simple rules that other people have to adher to. Like speed limits and using your phone.

Do you us all a favour and stop driving.