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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
JuxtapositionRecords · 09/05/2016 20:06

foreverliving has written my thoughts exactly. But at least you see you were being unreasonable - you live and learn Smile

AIBVVVU · 09/05/2016 20:06

Your leniency was 1) being offered the course instead of points 2) being allowed to miss part of the course to express and 3) giving you a second chance when you were caught checking your phone the first time.

Perhaps don't speed whilst pregnant.

CuntingDMjournos · 09/05/2016 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scholes34 · 09/05/2016 20:06

And this all came about because you were doing 37 in a 30 areas. Hopefully, the outcome of trying to do this course has also had the positive affect of teaching you not to speed.

bakeoffcake · 09/05/2016 20:07

ShelaghTurner
"I'm very surprised at the answers. With an 11 week old baby at home I'd have been checking my phone too."

But the rules are you aren't allowed to check your phone or you'll be asked to leave. So you should take the points.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 20:08

Yes, Scholes34, the course was very good and illuminating. (I don't say 'actually very good' because that might imply I was surprised that it was.)

OP posts:
AngieBolen · 09/05/2016 20:08

You could have taken the points, and paid the fine, so you didn't have to do the course. You could have stayed with your baby.

And yes, checking phone was rude. Sending a text was outstandingly rude.

TheNaze73 · 09/05/2016 20:10

Unbelievably rude. YABU

SouperSal · 09/05/2016 20:10

Wow OP.

I took the option to do the course rather than get points when DD, who I exclusively expressed for, was about 5 months old. I pumped in the car before the course, during the break and straight afterwards in the car too. And I paid attention and followed the rules during the course (even though I didn't agree with it) including turning off my phone.

YWB completely U.

Cutecat78 · 09/05/2016 20:12

Normally I think MN is very unfair on people who dare to admit they have been done for speeding - but you are being wholly unreasonable.

RaeSkywalker · 09/05/2016 20:13

Parsley to be honest I think they did accommodate you, because they let you pump (and allowed this outside a designated break time). You were told at the start to turn your phone off, the course leader saw you looking at your phone and asked you to stop, and you still did it again (and possibly started texting).

Fundamentally you were on the course to learn something, and you probably looked like you weren't taking it seriously. I think in your position I would've just taken the points to be honest.

PhylumChordata · 09/05/2016 20:14

I understand. I'd have been the same leaving a newborn. Flowers

specialsubject · 09/05/2016 20:14

The baby was presumably left with someone. There is always an emergency contact at these places in the unlikely event of a crisis happening in just those few hours. So as you realise, serve you right. I hope the phone will be off next time you drive.

whois · 09/05/2016 20:15

If you were worried about being away from your baby, you should have taken the points.

^this

DoJo · 09/05/2016 20:17

given they wouldn't allow me to postpone the course until I wasn't bf-ding any more (I did ask if that was possible), meaning that I had to miss a chunk because I was out of the room (which isn't ideal), that maybe some leniency could be accorded.

But you had already missed some of the course to express (leniency accorded on their part, clearly), but even when you were in the room, you weren't paying attention because you were looking at your phone. You could have checked your phone whilst expressing or using the loo, but you didn't, you did it in the class in such a way that the instructor could see and with only 20 minutes to go.

I can see why they were annoyed - the course is supposed to be a way of demonstrating that you are keen to learn the error of your ways and your behaviour showed exactly the opposite.

BettyBleue · 09/05/2016 20:17

I think some of the responses here are ridiculously harsh and people love to make out they are whiter than white, when the opposite is more likely the case. Your baby was only 11 weeks and it isn't surprising you were checking your phone. I imagine you were anxious leaving her for that length of time. I think you were treated very unfairly by the course leader given the circumstances.

Colchestergal · 09/05/2016 20:18

Reads as a shit load of excuses.

My friend was decapitated because of a speeding driver.

You deserved to be thrown out.

BettyBleue · 09/05/2016 20:19

Sorry, I meant 'leaving him for that length of time' not 'her'.

DotForShort · 09/05/2016 20:19

Of course YABU. You knew you were supposed to turn your phone off and you ignored that. You checked your phone several times, evidently not "discreetly" enough as you were caught twice (once when the teacher reminded you of the rule and again at the end of the course). Actually, he probably noticed every time but only mentioned it twice. You weren't just checking your phone, you wrote at least one text (probably). And you missed a portion of the course. Unquestionably unreasonable.

I'm a university lecturer. I find it extremely rude when students check their phones during a lecture (I do have rules prohibiting this but students don't always follow the rules). Of course I make exceptions. Recently a student's father was critically ill and obviously I had no problem at all with her leaving her phone on, as she was expecting a call from the hospital. But it is so distracting and annoying when students play with their phones when they are meant to be engaged in a lecture or seminar.

Colchestergal · 09/05/2016 20:22

Betty....if she knew she could not leave her baby for that long she should have taken the points.

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 20:22

Is it the tunnel with the intersection inside?

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 20:25

She had choices. She could have been honest in the beginning and ask for special circumstances. She could have asked if there was an emergency contact number she could pass onto the carer. She could have taken the points.

Instead, she decided again, rules don't apply.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 20:25

good to get a reality check!
erm, I think it may have been bloody teenagers but I don't recall exactly (if you mean where the tunnel splits off to go somewhere else?)

OP posts:
AIBVVVU · 09/05/2016 20:25

Betty I think your response is ridiculous too.

This wasn't some optional open lecture on basket weaving the OP fancied sitting in on that day. This was a mandatory course she had to complete because she broke the law.

"Oh it's only speeding". Brilliant. Try telling that to a mother when some thoughtless, selfish driver smacks into their child at 37mph in a 30mph zone.

The OP is just full of excuses.

cavedescreux · 09/05/2016 20:26

I'm on your side OP. You were checking on your breastfed newborn, hardly texting with your mates. It's tough luck though. I also know that stretch of tunnel well and nobody sticks to the limit - they just brake for the cameras. Bad luck but no harm done. You went back and got it done