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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
IHaveDefectedToTeamDog · 10/05/2016 17:15

I was caught speeding a few years ago when my youngest were still very young. I opted to take the points.
And fgs, should anyone really need to be explicitly told that texting/ checking phone in this scenario is not on? I'm ancient enough to remember a time when no one had mobile phones that needed checking every 5 minutes . We survived!

Cabrinha · 10/05/2016 17:17

Laughing at all the "breastfeeding, baby, abscess" irrelevant sympathy attempting stuff Grin

You weren't even texting "OK, 20 mins to go, I'll be home within an hour, keep rocking baby til then".

If the reason for texting had been remotely related to the baby, you'd have remembered it.

Your attitude is really clear from the fact you say it was 20 mins from the end - like that makes it any better?

You were told phone off.
Even if not told that, manners dictate it, surely?

YABVU.

Clandestino · 10/05/2016 18:05

You got expelled because you were texting. Not because you were breastfeeding etc. They were totally accommodating.
You are trying to get sympathies by mentioning the baby, breastfeeding etc.but the point is that you were expelled for taking out your mobile phone and texting which was against the rules. Even if you weren't there when they were telling it, do you have any respect towards the lecturer? YABU

gabbyevs · 10/05/2016 18:17

my sis in law had a day back in work when her nb was 6 weeks-she didnt freak out cry or not cope

if u canthandle it dont do the course

TwentyCupsOfTea · 10/05/2016 18:31

Thing is, you didn't have to do the course. If you didn't want to - for any reason, bf and baby totally irrelevant here - you should have taken the points.
If you take out the un essay backstory the post would be:
I was caught speeding. I didn't want to go to the course for a valid reason, and went at the latest possible date I could. I was then caught texting, and was reprimanded. I continued texting, was caught again and told to leave the course, which I was then allowed to re take.

Put this way (the facts) how could this be unfair?

Cabrinha · 10/05/2016 19:08

Lucky to be allowed to retake the course - I did one and they were ver clear that if you didn't behave as expected during it, you'd be kicked off, no refund AND have to pay a fine and collect points instead.

BigFatGoalie · 10/05/2016 21:03

I have done the speed awareness course before (I also had to rebook as suffered a horrendous stomach ulcer, three weeks in hospital and dropped right down to 7 stone 6lbs-so was recovering and incredibly unwell) and I was actually quite taken aback at the fact that they mentioned no less than three times we had to switch our phones off COMPLETELY and that anyone seen checking their phones would be asked to leave immediately. We were told that just a phone that was vibrating would result in immediate expulsion.
Even being horrifically sick with a small baby at home, I managed to survive the 5 hours without my iPhone....
YABU.

MammaTJ · 10/05/2016 21:11

So, the initial warning was not enough to give you the hint it was not allowed?

Sorry, but you were a bit dim!

Your very own fault!

YABU!

IHaveDefectedToTeamDog · 10/05/2016 21:18

I'm actually fairly sure that it is mentioned in the course bumf that was sent out beforehand about no phones allowed, too, in amongst the "don't be late", " there is no childcare" etc.

silkybadger · 10/05/2016 22:19

Apologies, I haven't RTFT, but I had to do a speed awareness course last year when I was bf DC1 too. The no mobile phones rule was very clear, but I was allowed to leave mine on the support trainer's desk so that if my dh did need to get hold of me then he had a means to do so. The two members of staff running the course were perfectly happy with that arrangement. People are usually very understanding when you have a young baby and explain the situation to them.

ilovesooty · 11/05/2016 01:28

TeamDog - it is.

daisychain01 · 11/05/2016 05:05

They do design the content to be quite emotive!

Lets dispelled that myth shall we. They state facts and statistics about how speeding maims, kills and destroys lives.

They design the course to be realistic, not emotive (is sensationalist)

sashh · 11/05/2016 06:02

I did a similar course. My mother was at the last stages of terminal cancer.

We were all told to turn our phones off, not on silent. The reason they gave was that when phones were on silent someone had attempted to photograph a celebrity attending a course, part of the reason for the course is that you do not get points on your licence so no publicity.

I explained that I really needed my phone to be on and offered to leave it on the teacher's desk, on silent.

I was allowed my phone on silent and to leave the room to answer.

You are acting like a teenager who has been court in class, twice. Are you going to get your mum to call and complain?

mathanxiety · 11/05/2016 06:17

I am glad they allowed you to retake.

I think Sashh's (and others') idea was a great one in the circumstances. People running these courses are not normally heartless.

I suspect one of the reasons for dismissing you for phone use is to show you that rules (on the road, in the classroom, etc) are for everyone. It's not just awareness of speed limits they are teaching.

nooka · 11/05/2016 06:54

Surely the request made by people who need to be contactable in an emergency is that the phone is on silent but will vibrate if said emergency occurs. Therefore the expectation is that the phone will not in any way distract either the person taking the course or anyone else, as the emergency is not actually expected to happen. IF the phone vibrates the expectation is that the person will slip out, hopefully sort out the issue quickly if possible but otherwise have to leave and so fail the course.

The OP wasn't called in an emergency. She just kept checking her phone, and at one point was so distracted that she started to type a text response to a message forgetting that she was in a mandated course where phones were not to be used. Distracted driving is another very significant cause of accidents, not at all surprising that the instructor came down on her like a ton of bricks.

Which the OP has accepted. Not sure why other people think it's wrong. These courses are designed to keep us all safe after all.

happygoluckylady · 11/05/2016 06:56

Presumably you also check your phone and text when driving?

happygoluckylady · 11/05/2016 06:57

Sorry OP! Hadn't read the full thread. Ignore my smart comment above Smile

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 11/05/2016 07:05

Oh god I remember doing this and when she gave us the spiel about the phone I dutifully turned mine off but I was so nervous that I must been pressing the wrong buttons cos I couldn't turn the bloody thing off.

She was giving me warning looks and I was sweating away and stammering "I'm turning it off!"

Fortunately I managed to but boy was that woman scary!

But YANBU because they were quite direct about it and your transgression wasn't accidental. Sorry.

Julius02 · 11/05/2016 07:19

My mother was killed by a speeding driver. You were completely unreasonable to use your phone when asked not to - by doing so you were not fully concentrating on the course. If you weren't intent on taking the course seriously you should have taken the points.

heron98 · 11/05/2016 07:29

I'm not sure why the whole having a baby/breastfeeding part of the story is relevant.

Baby or no baby, you WROTE A TEXT in the middle of the course. I can see why the teacher was pissed off.

PirateFairy45 · 11/05/2016 07:38

Serves you right.

You can't spend a couple hours without checking your phone? I've been on this course myself and you get breaks during.

Only imagine what you're like driving. Check your phone whilst driving too?

He had every reason to throw you out.

You got caught. Simple. Deal with the punishment

Sparrowlegs248 · 13/05/2016 21:28

Yabu I think. I have been in exactly the same situation recently, ds was older though and it was the first time I had left him. I don't express, he won't take a bottle. When the group were told 'pgones off' i asked if I could leave mine on silent on the table so I could see if Mil was phoning. It was agreed that was fine. I had mentioned that I may need to nip out to bf if he wouldn't settle when I booked and they were happy.

You did say you were told to switch your phone off.

apple1992 · 13/05/2016 21:31

I did one and they made it really clear in the into that you would be kicked out of a phone was seen or went off

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/05/2016 21:37

"Mumsnet should be called Dadsnet It really is lots of men interrupting the women discussing issues with each other"

Oh what bollocks, midsummabreak - firstly, the site is 'By parents, for parents - so men and just as welcome here as women, and secondly, I assume you are suggesting that anyone who thinks the OP is unreasonable has to be male, because, of course all women would think the OP was completely reasonable for checking her phone and writing a text, after being warned not to - which is ridiculous. We are intelligent people here, capable of making up our own minds.

llhj · 13/05/2016 21:58

That was unlucky op. I feel sorry for you. It's so stressful leaving a tiny baby like that. Live and learn. Phones area so prevalent and ubiquitous now that I think we're programmed to keep tapping regardless. I'm addicted to mine.