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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 20:26

Yes where the tunnel splits off to somewhere else whilst you are still in the tunnel.

HamaTime · 09/05/2016 20:27

When I did mine someone got their arse handed to them or closing their eyes. There was no way we could have been under any illusion that sending a text message would be fine. They were lenient letting you go and pump, which seems reasonable but unless your baby can read, the text message doesn't see related to breastfeeding so I don't see why they should be lenient. That said I'd also be pissed off, but I would also be being unreasonable.

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 09/05/2016 20:30

Her baby is 11 weeks old and it was presumably her first prolonged time away from them, I would have been checking constantly too.

Andrewofgg · 09/05/2016 20:30

At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off.

Well, then.

You won't be regarded as having done the course; you will get the points and the fine.

But having also done the course I know that the reason I was there - the reason you were there - is disregard for rules which are made for a reason. And you did it again.

Just what did you expect?

Kanga59 · 09/05/2016 20:30

I did that course recently. They gave a certain and clear warning at the beginning that mobiles must be switched off and specified no silent modes.and anyone caught gets kicked out. You got a warning, a second chance. you chose to ignore it. You got the consequences. accept it and move on. You were wrong.

springydaffs · 09/05/2016 20:32

She? Who's she?

YWNB at all U imo!

I'm a single parent, the only parent, and I ALWAYS kept my phone on even when my kids were in their teens. There is no way I would turn it off. Silent, of course.

You shouldn't have texted. You also could have spoken to the facilitators in the break that you had to keep your phone on. Sounds like you've done the course (it transformed my driving btw!) but you could have contacted DVLA and explained the circs if there was a problem doing it again.

I understand why they insist phones are turned off but sometimes that isn't an option for the rare few. You were one of them.

but you shouldn't have texted! If it was an essential text you could have excused yourself and gone to the loo.

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 20:32

Does it begin with a L or a R the tunnel you were speeding in?
You may not remember what it actually looked like, but you must know the name of the tunnel.

SouperSal · 09/05/2016 20:34

You were checking on your breastfed newborn,

Was she? She doesn't even remember texting!

UterusUterusGhali · 09/05/2016 20:34

I don't think yaba with an 11week old baby!

You should have been able to postpone.

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 20:34

I'm afraid I really, honestly can't remember bloodyteenagers.

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 09/05/2016 20:35

I wonder how these people who can't survive without checking their phones every few minutes manage when they're driving.

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 20:36

even as a single parent, it's no excuse to ignore the don't switch off. Everyone in a room will have reason to not switch off the phone.
Every place I have ever been to has been more than willing to allow me to give the number to my childminder. And a few have after hearing the reasonable request let me keep the phone on silent. And now phones having different vibrations, even easier to keep in pocket on vibrate for who has kids.

In the days before mobiles. People coped. Child minder had the name of the place you was going with any know number.

Gabilan · 09/05/2016 20:36

So you don't notice speed limits. Don't notice when you're told not to use a phone and write texts without meaning to. If you're trying to demonstrate to people that you should be in control of heavy machinery in a public area you're not doing very well.

The fact that you'd already been given time out means you should have concentrated more, not less. You could have explained and asked to leave the phone on vibrate. Instead you chose to sit and fiddle.

EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 09/05/2016 20:38

If OP was unable to attend the course or fulfil its normal requirements (like phones off) then she could have opted to take the points.

Breastfeeding does not exempt you from the normal penalties for offences.

Groovee · 09/05/2016 20:38

You were unreasonable. You only had another 20 minutes before the end and you started composing a text.

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 20:39

Sorry you don't seem to remember a lot.
Don't remember a speed limit.
Don't remember texting.
don't remember the name of the tunnel you was caught in.
One btw has a 20mph speed limit.
The other has the intersection thing. Cannot miss it. It's huge. Unless of course you weren't paying attention.

I suggest you chalk it up to experience and see a gp about all these memory lapses and lack of concentration.

lifesalongsong · 09/05/2016 20:39

The OP doesn't say that the phone checking and texting were in any way connected to the baby as home as far as I can see.

Are people just assuming that?

Believeitornot · 09/05/2016 20:40

YABU

Your baby was 11 weeks old and fine. You broke the law and had to suffer the consequences

SquirmOfEels · 09/05/2016 20:40

I may be cynical, but I suspect the OP is refusing to name which tunnel,because one of them is notoriously dangerous and the speed limit isn't 30.

So perhaps something else she didn't concentrate on?

Sparkletastic · 09/05/2016 20:40

They tell you very clearly that mobiles must be switched off, put away, and only checked at breaks. There have been incidents of people recording participants without their consent.

Given that you knew you would have a breastfed newborn I think you were a bit nuts to not just take the points and pay the fine instead of doing the course. YABU.

ReallyTired · 09/05/2016 20:41

Can you really not go without your phone for 4 hours? A speed awareness course is only effective if you give it your full concentration. I realise that a speed awareness course is one of the most boring things on earth. It's essentially a detention for naughty adults and you need to at least pretend to be repentent.

Remember kids at school who mucked about in a detention had to do the detention again. I have to admit I am surprised that you didn't simply take the points.

I am surprised that you could not have got an extension if you had a breast abcess. If need hospital treatment then I feel you are too ill to do a speed awareness course.

needastrongone · 09/05/2016 20:42

OP, why didn't you take the points? Smile

I just have been caught speeding for the first time in my life, 47 in a 40, so fair call entirely.

I took the points, I have a busy life and I do genuinely rarely speed, which is easy to say on an internet forum, but that is the truth.

In truth, it was an easier option for me, and just being caught has given me the reality check I might have needed.

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