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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
Brainnotbrawn · 09/05/2016 19:57

I think you were completely in the wrong but I also think it is rediculous to not make an allowance for medical reasons/having a baby/breastfeeding to give a reasonable extension to take the course. Oh and of course don't speed again.

witsender · 09/05/2016 19:58

I thought you were going to say you were kicked out for pumping, which would have been unreasonable of course. But for using your phone twice when you had been told not to? Rude. Why didn't you turn it off as instructed? That instruction alone should have been enough to tell you that phones weren't allowed.

teacher54321 · 09/05/2016 19:58

When I did my speed awareness course a nice lady was having children related issues (I think her little boy was in hospital) and she asked for special permission to have her phone on the table in front of her, and sat by the door so she could leave quickly without disturbing anyone. Totally different to just randomly checking your phone, zoning out and not concentrating.

londonrach · 09/05/2016 19:58

Yabu! Everything you written prior to the text doesn't matter in this but you were told next to use your phone and you choose to text. Vvvvvvvvv rude!

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 19:58

At the beginning of the course you was told to turn off phones.you decided this dos not apply to you and put it on silent.
You checked several times and was caught.

Personally I would have told you to leave then.

But you then went onto text?

you got what you deserved. Get over it and learn from it. You get told to switch off the phone, turn it off.
Don't be so entitled to think this doesn't apply to you.

Becky546 · 09/05/2016 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/05/2016 19:59

TBH if I'd have been the OP ID have just taken the points - way less stressful than having to leave baby and pump during course.

Redglitter · 09/05/2016 19:59

So you were told phones had to be switched off - you ignored that.
You got caught checking your phone and told off - you ignored that too
You then checked it again AND sent a text and you think you were treated unfairly. Are you serious??

The instructor had more patience with you than I would have had

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:59

Ok. Fair enough. I've got my answer.
Yes, I agree that checking phone and texting during lecture is rude. I guess I just thought that (a) with such a young baby who I hadn't left for such a long time before and (b) that given they wouldn't allow me to postpone the course until I wasn't bf-ding any more (I did ask if that was possible), meaning that I had to miss a chunk because I was out of the room (which isn't ideal), that maybe some leniency could be accorded.
But clearly IWBU.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2016 19:59

I think in your situation I would have just taken the points and not done the course in the first place.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/05/2016 19:59

You being pregnant and then subsequently breastfeeding are totally irrelevant. You behaved in a way that was not appropriate and you were warned before being put out. Yabu.

AverysillyoldHector · 09/05/2016 20:00

Not sure why you think the teacher should have been sympathetic and should have apologised for making you leave ('I'm sorry but'). Aside from you attending in lieu of having points on your licence so you should have been giving the instructor your full attention, it was just so rude to text, especially when you had already been warned.

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/05/2016 20:01

You could have just taken the points, if leaving your baby was such an issue for you.

Pou · 09/05/2016 20:01

I went on a course as I was caught on my phone whilst driving, it was about 5 years ago I think. But anyway, someone got sent home for the same reason as you. And quite rightly so. You were told not to use your phone, it was incredibly rude of you. And especially considering the nature of the course!

The breastfeeding is a red herring, there was no need to mention it. You weren't expelled for pumping, you were expelled for being on your phone.

VikingVolva · 09/05/2016 20:01

Salient points:

You were told, slopping with all other students, that phones must be switched off

You ignored this, were spotted, reprimanded and reminded.

You did it again, and were barred from completion.

Just as would happen to anyone.

(Breastfeeding irrelevant)

AnneEyhtMeyer · 09/05/2016 20:02

Is all the rambling about breastfeeding/pumping a desperate attempt to garner sympathy?

In a nutshell, you broke the law, were given the opportunity to not take the full penalty, decided you could disregard the rules at the course and are pissed off you were discovered.

YABU.

feathermucker · 09/05/2016 20:02

They gave you leniency by allowing you to go out and express during course time.

You were BU

Eminado · 09/05/2016 20:03

Cheby - why on earth is the course leader a jobsworth, please do tell?

"checking on your ebf newborn"

  • as opposed to older dc? Ill family members? Travelling husbands? Formula fed newborns? Toddlers in childcare? Myriad of other things people want to look at phones for?

Bfeeding is not an excuse for being a rude rule breaker! Leave your child out of it fgs.

And yes I ebfed my PFB too. I still follow rules though.

SanityAssassin · 09/05/2016 20:03

I have attended a Speed Awareness course and it was made VERY clear at the start of the course that phones had to be off or you were off the course. No exceptions (I am only point of contact for my kids from school) - I turned it to silent and checked it in the loo.

BoGrainger · 09/05/2016 20:04

The fact that you couldn't even wait 20 minutes to text is just so rude and disrespectful! Like your life is so much more important than the others who actually followed the rules. Hopefully it's just baby brain and you aren't usually this bad. Onwards and upwards now though

ShelaghTurner · 09/05/2016 20:04

I'm very surprised at the answers. With an 11 week old baby at home I'd have been checking my phone too.

CremeBrulee · 09/05/2016 20:04

I've done a speed awareness course. They are crystal clear that having phones out is a definite no-no and that you will be asked to leave if you do this. I can't believe you actually sat there writing a text message!

All the guff about giving birth and breastfeeding is totally irrelevant. You broke a clearly explained and very basic rule. The consequences are that now you will get the 3 points and the fine as you didn't complete the course plus the embarrassment of being asked to leave.

Owllady · 09/05/2016 20:04

I think I'd have taken the points and paid the fine too
But
I do feel for you, even if you were breaking the rules

LittleHouseOnTheShelf · 09/05/2016 20:05

YABU. What you did was rude.

bakeoffcake · 09/05/2016 20:05

YABVU

If you were worried about being away from your baby, you should have taken the points.

When someone says "do not use phones" there are always people who think it doesn't apply to themHmm