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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 09/05/2016 21:16

I think more like one and a bit times, sparkling. I wouldn't really count the first time.

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:17

I do sympathise, I got the letter at 38 weeks pregnant and arranged to do the course days before the birth, so as not to have to leave the baby. I cried quite a lot though, whenever they talked about little children being in an accident & etc. They do design the content to be quite emotive! I think they were worried I'd go into labour on them!

I also did a work course in the throes of mastitis, it wasn't pleasant.

i think myself that it would be a good idea to have a partial waiver for women who are in late pregnancy or breastfeeding a tiny baby. There could be an on line course to work through in the short term, so that the key points are made, and then do the full course when the baby is a year old or so. If you had been that bad a driver, you would just have got the points, and overall you would be doing more rather than less revision of your driving skills, so I think you could argue this would still be in the cause of improved road safety.

After all, the baby didn't commit on offence, so it seems a bit unfair on the baby to be away from mum for hours.

On the other hand, I can see that the business with the phone wasn't going to end well.

curren · 09/05/2016 21:18

i think myself that it would be a good idea to have a partial waiver for women who are in late pregnancy or breastfeeding a tiny baby.

There is. You take the points.

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2016 21:19

Ah right. Does that mean pay for it twice as well do you think?

diddl · 09/05/2016 21:21

So you were allowed to take the course again?

Not kicked off & made to take the points/fine?

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:24

Well, if you are going to have a scheme like this, very good idea, improves driving skills, people are less likely to speed afterwards etc., why not take into account the situation of women with very small babies so it is easier for them to access it?

(and good God this is a parenting website, you would think people on here would be sympathetic to this sort of thing!)

But, if you go on a course like this, then yes, you do have to follow the rules.

NannawifeofBaldr · 09/05/2016 21:26

I understand that you were experiencing separation anxiety from your baby and perhaps not that well however checking you phone during any kind of course whether work or not is very rude and disrespectful to the trainer.

You were warned once so I'm afraid you did bring it on yourself.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 09/05/2016 21:28

and good God this is a parenting website, you would think people on here would be sympathetic to this sort of thing!

Umm many of the parents on MN may be parents of children who have suffered due to speeding drivers!

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/05/2016 21:29

Yeah, it's a parenting website. Not sure what that has to do with the fact the op committed an offence?

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:33

Well, these courses lead to the participants being less likely to speed (and there are stats to show it). So you would think that there would be a general enthusiasm to facilitate attendance at such a course, to get people along and make it easier for them to attend.

I think the key point was made earlier, having looked back through the thread, the police have to prosecute within 6 months of the offence, so there is a limit on how much leeway they can allow.

Presumably though, in the case of spinal injury and tiny breastfed babies, it is conceivable that there could be a small amendment to allow for reasonable exceptions to be made?

SilverBirchWithout · 09/05/2016 21:34

Why is the situation of parents with young DC any different to the myriad of difficulties other people have?

Years ago I had a job where I just couldn't get any suitable time of work, so just paid the fine. More recently I had to juggle carer responsibilities to attend.

We all have a choice, not to speed, take the fine together with points and car insurance increase, or juggle you life to attend the course.

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2016 21:34

The exception really is to pay the fine and not do the course at all. How much is the course?

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:35

That is exceptions to having to do the course within 6 months, so it could be done within 12 months in some circumstances - simply because it might make the system work better.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 09/05/2016 21:35

"why not take into account the situation of women with very small babies so it is easier for them to access it?"

What else do you want?

Additional breaks to express - tick
Warning (not expulsion) for first phone transgression - tick
Alternative to going on the course in the first place - tick

And of course the biggie: reduction in offending of those who complete the course without getting expelled - big tick
Knock on effect when successful completers tell people about how children really do die on the roads and even small increases in speed increase the kill rate enormously - huge tick.

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:36

It isn't really a money thing. Doing the course is a better option because it teaches people to be better drivers and it is proven to have a positive effect, I think it was very worthwhile.

Cubtrouble · 09/05/2016 21:37

Wow the guy gave you a second chance and you blew it. If I had asked a group of people (who had already broken the law) to sit down shut up and turn off their phones and someone had ignored me ONCE I'd have kicked you out.
You were ignorant and disrespectful to that man. YABVU

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:38

What else do I want? An option for a longer delay before having to do the course (which is a positive as I explained) in some circumstances Smile

EatShitDerek · 09/05/2016 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

herecomesthsun · 09/05/2016 21:40

erm I am not the OP I am just another mum who thinks some aspects of the situation could be improved by how the course is organised

Alisvolatpropiis · 09/05/2016 21:40

Oh for gods sake, breastfeeding isn't some special get out clause. The op had additional breaks to pump in, she could easily have used her phone then. Didn't.

Sparklingbrook · 09/05/2016 21:42

12 months is way too long. Do some speeding now and get the course next May?

NoahVale · 09/05/2016 21:42

assumign this was some time ago?

why bring it up now? why are you stewing aobut it?

BadLad · 09/05/2016 21:43

Yanbu you had a 11 week old baby, checking your phone is normal and having to do it in the 1st place is bs imo.

Brilliant.

bloodyteenagers · 09/05/2016 21:44

And so what it's a parenting site?
Being a parent doesn't really excuse
You of breaking the law (I know there are some exceptions).
Being a parent doesn't excuse
You from engaging your brain and listening to instructions. You would think as a parent
You listen more to instructions not
Pick and chose.
Being a parent doesn't give you the right to be entitled.

If your brain is that screwed up that you cannot remember speed signs (the tunnels
Have signs), remember a huge intersection within the tunnel (not common) or remember where you was then tbpfh getting a slap on the wrist is a big enough allowance. Driving without due care and attention plus speeding is some serious shit. She could have easily caused an accident and all she gives a shit about is the person running the course was mean kicking her out for using the phone.

I would count my lucky stars that was the worse that happened in this situation.

Gabilan · 09/05/2016 21:45

If someone has been caught speeding and was given 12 months to do an awareness course, that just gives them another 12 months on the road. What if they speed again during this time? What if this results in a collision?

Unless you give them an extended time to take the course but take their licence away in the meantime. At least then there would be fewer law breakers on the road.

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