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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
midsummabreak · 10/05/2016 11:34

Mumsnet should be called Dadsnet It really is lots of men interrupting the women discussing issues with each other

PurpleDaisies · 10/05/2016 11:36

Maybe she should have asked for dispensation to check the phone.

That's a completely different situation to the op. Asking is fine. Checking when you've been explicitly told not to use your phone or you'll be kicked out of the course is not fine.

Babyrooty · 10/05/2016 11:37

My friend went on the same course and asked to keep her phone on as her son has epileptic fits at school. I cannot imagine how hard it was for you to leave your baby for the first time, pump AND suffering from breast abscesses. You had an 11 week old baby!

You have my full sympathy. If you had been thinking clearly, you perhaps should have explained you would need to check up on your baby by phone and text.

The man delivering the course sounds awful. You are most definitely not being unreasonable. I wanted to cry just reading this!

familysizepack · 10/05/2016 11:46

The pregnancy/breastfeeding stuff is irrelevant.

You were chucked out because you used your phone.

YABU

familysizepack · 10/05/2016 11:48

To be fair, you could have asked - I would have been unhappy leaving a baby that little. but if you didn't explain that the teacher wouldn't have known you wanted an exception to be made.

SoupDragon · 10/05/2016 11:53

Mumsnet should be called Dadsnet It really is lots of men interrupting the women discussing issues with each other

Confused
gabbyevs · 10/05/2016 11:54

but she never expressed she had concerns and wanted to check on her baby-she even said she doesnt remember what the text was about

if she was that concerned she shold have asked at the start

BillSykesDog · 10/05/2016 11:55

Which men? Or are you assuming anybody who doesn't think that breastfeeding means the law and normal rules totally unrelated to breastfeeding should stop applying if you have a child must be a man? Wrong.

DistanceCall · 10/05/2016 11:57

Mumsnet should be called Dadsnet It really is lots of men interrupting the women discussing issues with each other

WTF?????

So only "mums" are allowed here? That isn't the impression I get. (I'm a childless woman, btw).

And how do you interrupt people on an online forum? Confused

PurpleDaisies · 10/05/2016 11:57

Did you accidentally post on the wrong thread midsumma? Where are the posts from men interrupting the women?

BarbarianMum · 10/05/2016 11:59

Maybe she should have asked for dispensation to check the phone.

Maybe should could have used the breaks and the times she was out of the room expressing to check?

The OP was caught speeding. That's potentially very dangerous and the point of the course is to try and prevent a repetition of the offense. Having a small baby doesn't make it magically safer to speed.

Whisky2014 · 10/05/2016 12:09

yabu

Confusednotcom · 10/05/2016 12:14

I think you realise you were in the wrong to be texting so yes yabu in that they had the right to chuck you out and make you redo course. The teacher sounds like a bit of a git tho. I have done one and it was a real shock to be treated like a pupil again and have to obey the rules or else. I wouldn't have dreamt of sending a text while on it but assume you must have had a good reason.

Pinkheart5915 · 10/05/2016 12:16

Yabu

You was told no phones but you used yours anyway Confused

LunaMay · 10/05/2016 12:18

It was 5 hours, surely you could have waited to check your phone on a break or while expressing. I dont understand why you think you should have been treated with kid gloves by the teacher.

Winterdaisy · 10/05/2016 12:22

Sorry but yabu! I also had to do that course when I had a tiny breast fed baby. I didn't text unless on the break I also (luckily ) didn't have to go out. I discussed situation before hand when i booked and I would have been allowed out if baby needed feeding, as you were to pump. Why the hell were you texting??? Honestly very silly

Andrewofgg · 10/05/2016 12:26

At a quick glance I am the only one posting on this thread with a male username (which was accurate last time I looked). I don't think I am lots of men and I don't think I am interrupting by my posts.

As I say I have done the course and I would have found anyone texting distracting. There were enough breaks for anyone to check their phones for anything truly urgent.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/05/2016 12:32

you are dealing with grown adults not children and even with children being rude and nasty is not called for

Personally I'd have wanted to be there before taking it on trust that the course leader really was unpleasant. Unfortunately IME it can sometimes be code for I didn't get what I wanted ... a bit like the PP who uses "any angle possible when complaining lol" Hmm

Theoretician · 10/05/2016 12:35

The Limehouse Link camera is the most profitable speed camera in the UK.

Amateurs, they've got nothing on the councils that operate some London bus lane cameras. My only motoring fine came from one which generates 2.5 million a year for Camden. I changed lane (preparing to turn left) half a car-length before it ended, my front wheels were out of the lane before my offside back wheel entered.

The amazing thing (considering the revenue generated) is that these are not completely automated, they rely on a human operator to watch the cameras in real time and press a button to log each infraction. Bet that guy has RSI.

www.standard.co.uk/news/bloomsbury-street-that-makes-25m-a-year-in-traffic-fines-6763697.html

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 10/05/2016 14:54

Ugh. You lost me at the 'wrote a text, not sure what' bit.

Really really sympathetic until then. The first few times I was away from my son - when he was older than yours! - I felt horribly anxious. Even now (4yo) I still often find I can't concentrate unless my phone is in sight - am convinced that nursery might be ringing to say he's been rushed to hospital etc and I'm unaware. I need to have it in my eyeline so that I can stop thinking about it, iyswim.

But. But. The texting after a warning. Confused I don't get that bit. Not if it wasn't a really important text, that you'd remember after the event.

Would have been nicer if the teacher had been nicer, yes. It's easy to take things to heart when you're still in that hormonal newborn phase, especially with a breast abscess to boot! Can also understand your judgment being somewhat impaired. YABU really, but there are worse things and I hope you feel better about this in time.

FairNotFair · 10/05/2016 15:48

I don't think I am lots of men

GrinGrinGrin

NannawifeofBaldr · 10/05/2016 16:00

Andrew I'm assuming that midsumma is new to MN and is assuming that PaulAnkha and EatShitDerek are menz like yourself.

BillSykesDog · 10/05/2016 16:16

Me too nanna. And I am currently pregnant with twins, so I'm pretty sure I'm female.

Member251061 · 10/05/2016 16:50

I think yanbu. Pregnant & then with a new born is a strange & wonderful time but my head certainly wasn't where it normally is-even after my 3rd baby. You were checking to see your baby was ok. I think the whole approach is wrong & for those condemning you, I think they have forgotten what having a newborn is like. I would put it all behind you now & not think about it any more x

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/05/2016 16:59

My baby is 11 months old so I remember the newborn days pretty clearly.

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