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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I shouldn't have been 'expelled' from speed awareness course?

308 replies

ParsleyTheLion1 · 09/05/2016 19:49

Shortly before I was due to give birth to first DC, I was photographed doing 37 in a 30mph tunnel out near Docklands in London. (I hadn't realised the speed limit but that's no excuse, obviously).
By the time I'd received the speeding ticket etc and completed the paperwork for attending a speed awareness course etc, there wasn't enough time to do the course before giving birth. However, there is a time limit within which you have to do the course (a few months I think), so I booked it for the latest possible date (so that my DC would be as old as possible when I had to do it).
I attended the course when DS was 11 weeks. Course is 4 hours. Including travelling time, that meant about 5 hours in total away from DC who I left with a friend. I was still breastfeeding so had to take pump with me to the course (I was told I could duck out of the room to express when I needed to; this was crucial to me as I was recovering from a breast abscess which was being drained twice a week at hospital at the time, so management of breast engorgement was vital).
At the start of the course, we were told to keep our phones switched off. I put mine on silent and checked it a few times (discreetly). Once, I was caught checking it and the teacher ticked me off. Some 15 mins before the break in the course, I went off to pump in a next door room. I returned at the end of the break with the others.
At some point, about 20 minutes before the end of the course I checked my phone and probably started writing a text (I don't recall). The teacher spotted me and immediately just said to his assistant "take [soandso] out of here and send her home]". He said it in a harsh and peremptory fashion. I apologised and tried to plead to be allowed to stay. But he was having none of it. He said that he'd warned the class that anyone using their phone would not be allowed to complete the course and would therefore have to retake it. I am adamant that I was not made aware of this. (I can only imagine he gave this warning when I was outside pumping, or maybe had gone to the loo.)
Clearly I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing (i.e. checking and using phone to text). I did not do it to an unreasonable extent (I had to attend the course again a few days later and knew everything they were going to say and answers to the questions); I did it as discreetly as I could; and I feel it was a bit unfair that I didn't realise it would mean expulsion from the course. The teacher's manner was very unpleasant and unsympathetic also (i.e. he could have done the whole 'I'm sorry that I have to do this but these are the rules' etc).
Or maybe I got what I deserved? Who knows. I was very upset at the time. But maybe I should have just sucked it up. Which, actually, I did because I had no choice.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 10/05/2016 08:50

Personally I would lodge that as a discrimination complaint but I do use any angle possible when complaining lol.

That's not a "lol" matter. People like you make it more difficult for genuine cases of discrimination to be taken seriously.

Sparklingbrook · 10/05/2016 08:55

I agree Purple, that really no 'lol' matter.

bloodyteenagers · 10/05/2016 08:55

Why is it discrimination. Do you even know what it means?

smokeybandit · 10/05/2016 08:57

You don't breast feed through your phone, do you? And you didn't ask to have access to your phone for any specific reason.
So as others said yabu. You shouldn't be upset for being kicked out for doing something you didn't have permission to do.

purplefizz26 · 10/05/2016 09:01

Having a baby and breastfeeding doesn't earn you special treatment, especially in circumstances like this.

You were there as a punishment for speeding. Why would you faff about on your phone? You sound like you just expect to get away things because you had a baby.

BillSykesDog · 10/05/2016 09:02

Jesus, all these precious little flowers who 'couldn't' leave their babies. They are mistaking an inability to do something with not wanting to do it.

You don't get to dictate how the law is applied. If reasonable adjustment is made to allow women to attend in a way which ensures they get the full benefit of the course then 'I don't want to' is not a reasonable excuse for not fulfilling a legal requirement. After all, if you kill someone speeding, the shortage of mother and baby places means it's unlikely you can take your baby into jail if you kill someone speeding.

The alternative is, if they wish to wait and not take the points, they should forfeit their licence until the course is taken. I bet if the inconvenience was suddenly them not driving rather than other road users putting up with their shitty driving a lot of them would suddenly decide they could leave their babies after all.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/05/2016 09:19

Jeez Louise! Stop saying discrimination people! There was no sodding discrimination! The op was given leeway to allow her to breast pump. They went out their way to accommodate the op, the texting was a whole other matter. She shouldn't have been doing it.

Andrewofgg · 10/05/2016 09:29

You don't breast feed through your phone, do you?

Now there's a challenge for somebody very clever to invent an app for Grin

DailyMailAreArses · 10/05/2016 09:34

(Daily care to define under which characteristic the OP has been discriminated against as per the Discrimination Act? No? Just bandying about pseudo-lawyer legalease to sound intelligent? Or just don't have an effing jeff of a clue what you're actually saying?

No, actually - FFS Hmm. Would a bloke who had a reason to need to go out of the course on a regular basis have been treated in the same way? I honestly don't believe they would be.

KamMum · 10/05/2016 09:35

OK maybe discrimination was the wrong get word haha, more like not making reasonable adjustments for her carer responsibilities. True the OP didn't give.much detail about the texting. In my circumstance of going back to uni when I my DS was very young, I was constantly texting his dad and checking everything was OK. I would say that is reasonable if someone has just had a baby.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/05/2016 09:38

She was abl to text when breastfeeding and on the break. The op also never said she was texting about the baby, despite several posters asking. She's avoided the question. Which makes me think that it wasn't baby related messages.

gabbyevs · 10/05/2016 09:41

but daily thy werent stopped from going out youre missing the point

EatShitDerek · 10/05/2016 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 10/05/2016 09:56

In my circumstance of going back to uni when I my DS was very young, I was constantly texting his dad and checking everything was OK. I would say that is reasonable if someone has just had a baby.

Of course that isn't reasonable. Being contactable in an emergency is totally appropriate. Constantly checking your phone really isn't. If you were in a class I was teaching or lecturing I'd have asked you to put your phone away or leave. It's rude.

KamMum · 10/05/2016 10:18

Well Purple, I did think it was reasonable and my tutor agreed Halo

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/05/2016 10:21

Your tutor agreed that you could keep whipping out your phone and texting? Hmm

Irrelevant anyway. The op wasn't texting about the baby it seems.

BillSykesDog · 10/05/2016 10:49

Actually in this case a man would be treated in exactly the same way. He wouldn't be allowed to text either. He certainly wouldn't be allowed to text his wife because he missed his baby.

BillSykesDog · 10/05/2016 10:51

And going to University classes is not a legal requirement because you broke the law doing something which threatened the safety of other people. No other person is going to be in danger because you're not paying attention in a lecture or seminar. Might make your results work, doesn't affect other people. Completely irrelevant to the OPs case.

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/05/2016 10:54

I think discreetly checking your phone in a one on one meeting is rude. But not in a group situation if you may need to be called in an emergency. Texting a reply though, unless it was an emergency - in which case, being escorted out probably not a problem because you'd be needed elsewhere - is inappropriate. And given you had been told about the no phones rule, I don't think it matters that they didn't spell out the consequences.

To me the appropriateness or not of them making you redo the course would depend on whether or not such an approach was shown to be more effective at reducing accidents by participants. I doubt they've bothered to do the research on that. So I think YANBU but neither are they.

But - unless there was a facility made clear in advance for being contacted in an emergency then I think the no phones rules is discriminatory against people with caring responsibilities - at least so far as checking phones goes.

Katherine2626 · 10/05/2016 10:55

Bad manners - what on earth did you need to text about in the middle of an important course? You also said you weren't sure if you were texting...it seems you have a real problem concentrating on anything, which may be why you missed the 30 mph sign which started this chain of events.
Quite seriously, should you be driving at all?

ThisIsDedicatedToTheOneILove · 10/05/2016 11:01

You have a bit of an issue with following the rules, don't you?

SoupDragon · 10/05/2016 11:13

Would a bloke who had a reason to need to go out of the course on a regular basis have been treated in the same way? I honestly don't believe they would be

The OP was asked to leave because she ignored the"no phones" rule and was texting. Yes, I do think a man would have been treated the same way.

AugustaFinkNottle · 10/05/2016 11:22

Why are people still telling OP off hours after she's accepted SWBU?

MissSeventies · 10/05/2016 11:26

Oh please! I don't think you are being unreasonable. Speed awareness course or no you are dealing with grown adults not children and even with children being rude and nasty is not called for. He may have kicked you out, bit should have done it in a more professional manner.

MissSeventies · 10/05/2016 11:30

Also a mother leaving a very young baby may rightly have been concerned or may have been asked questions by carers. It is a long time to leave a bf baby at that age. Maybe she should have asked for dispensation to check the phone. Also people who say she has a problem followng rules, do you know her personally? Glad to know you are perfect.