Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I just swallow my pride?

166 replies

Kungfupandaworksout16 · 09/05/2016 12:30

I'm getting married in 3 weeks. Me and the OH want a small wedding but a large party. The wedding is 10 people so we have 5 guests each. I have 3 siblings and my Mum and Dad as guests and He has got his mum and dad and his 3 siblings.
My sister is currently with someone and has a new born baby with the new guy and 2 older children. I told my sister the wedding she is invited to but the party her children and partner and his family are welcome to the party. She was absolutely fine with this. Until last week - she rang to say unless her , partner and 3 children can attend she won't be coming but she will attend the party. I told her if she doesn't attend the wedding she is not welcome at the party.
She text today asking could my OH not drop his siblings for her children and partner (baby wouldn't need a seat so doesn't count as a person) I told her absolutely not her partner was shouting in the back ground I'll give her money for a bigger room I want to be there. So I ended the phone call. He sent me a text to say how I was pathetic ive hurt my sister and to not include my nieces in the wedding im a vile person for doing that.
This obviously has called a massive family argument. But I'm torn on what to do shall I stick to my guns? ( I originally said my nieces and her partner can be in the wedding photos after the ceremony outside so they don't feel totally excluded) or shall I cave in and get a bigger room because I obviously can't oust my OH 3 siblings.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 09/05/2016 14:41

princess it amazes me (on an awful lot of threads at the mo) that people don't bother to read all the OP's posts before shooting their mouths off.

I wouldn't give a stuff if DH went to a wedding without me, particularly if I was invited to the party (the best bit, surely). We're not attached to the hip and if the bridal couple only want a small number that's fine. Their wedding is about them, not narcissistic guests.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/05/2016 14:44

princess, that's a really twatty post.

TheNaze73 · 09/05/2016 14:44

Well said RiverTam

Chlobee87 · 09/05/2016 14:45

RiverTam it is practically the definition of narcissistic to risk family feuds and be so utterly disrespectful because 'we just want our wedding to be exactly how we dreamed' and all the other clichés that B&Gs spout. It's one day. Any damage done to your family relationships will last much longer.

I don't think the issue is with people not reading posts. I think this is obviously just very divisive and for each person who thinks OP is reasonable, there's another who thinks she sounds like the original bridezilla.

LitteRedSparkle · 09/05/2016 14:45

OP - i dont think YABU

The only thing i think you need to do (which I think you have said anyway) is invite her to the wedding if she comes alone, and to the party with her family - leave it open

he wants you to fall out with her, thats his plan

LitteRedSparkle · 09/05/2016 14:47

"By not inviting sis' DP you ARE disrespecting him and also her choice of a partner."

hahahaha - is she bollocks! shes simply saying she wants people she likes at her wedding, people who she has chosen, she only has space for 5 on her side and he wants H2B to not invite his family so they will fit

Princess,... i think this is yours Biscuit

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/05/2016 14:48

yy LittleRed, divide and conquer. He sounds like an absolute piece of work.

samG76 · 09/05/2016 14:49

Well put, Chlobee. It's one thing to dream about a dress, for example, or even a location. Quite another to claim that the dreams mean you have to exclude half your family.....

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 09/05/2016 14:50

YANBU. He sounds like a horrendous nightmare. Don't bow down to a bully because that's what he is. He must have known the arrangements so why is he kicking off now? Is it because he has realised his little woman is going to be out of his sight for about an hour?

Her children are at school, it's not even really an issue for them to not be there. I understand why you lashed out. I had a falling out over my wedding with a cousin, she behaved like a knob and was lying to people about her boyfriend being invited when he wasn't and caused a huge fall out as a result. Eventually she said she would still like to come to the ceremony if she was welcome. I told her I'd prefer it if she didn't.

I guess if you want to keep some sort of relationship with your sister, you have to not let him alienate her from her family so allow her to come to the party. Your reaction is probably what he was hoping for!

Dancergirl · 09/05/2016 14:51

I agree with chloebee

princessmi12 · 09/05/2016 14:51

Chlobee87 well said ! Not in a "twatty "way haha

Dancergirl · 09/05/2016 14:53

I originally said my nieces and her partner can be in the wedding photos after the ceremony outside so they don't feel totally excluded

Sorry OP but this sounds like this is for YOUR benefit. I think it's quite offensive and hurtful to exclude family members from the ceremony but then expect them to be in the photos.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/05/2016 14:53

I don't agree with Chloebee's post but no, she doesn't post like a twat, nor laugh about it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/05/2016 14:55

Dancergirl... Did you read where OP posted that her sister asked for her children to be in the photos? OP doesn't need them there - they asked to be in them. For sister's benefit, not OP's.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 09/05/2016 14:56

Personally even if having a small wedding I'd want my immediate family there and their partners/children so I'd choose a venue accordingly (and did). But I don't think the OP is unreasonable to want something different, however she can't expect everyone to be happy with it or attend in the circumstances she and the groom have decided on.

I think the only real AIBU is where she decided to rescind the party invite out of anger and frustration. I think the OP has decided to go back to Plan A and reinstate the invite to the party and to the wedding for her sister only.

Dancergirl · 09/05/2016 15:00

OP doesn't need them there

Whatever she thinks of her sister's OH, to not include her own nieces in her wedding is mean.

BieneBiene · 09/05/2016 15:01

I don't think you are being unreasonable but then we eloped.

Eminado · 09/05/2016 15:01

(her partner won't look after the eldest two only his own)

Wow - he sounds charming.

MatthewWrightIsThick · 09/05/2016 15:02

Wow, another wedding thread. OP I would get married abroad then you won't have to deal with this shite.

Headofthehive55 · 09/05/2016 15:03

I wouldn't go to a wedding without my DH. Some people just don't. Nothing wrong in that.
My free time - I can spend it how I like!

I'm afraid the wedding ceremony is the most important part. After all, without it, a party would seem superfluous!

Thurlow · 09/05/2016 15:03

Genuine question, samG76, what if they had been together 5 years, had no children but just weren't married?

Legendofthephoenix · 09/05/2016 15:06

Op I am jealous of you and the attention your getting from your family. I doubt I would get that when I get married. My kids don't even receive a birthday card. I suppose it's up to you your wedding if it was me I would feel left out. Does your soon to be husband not want a lot of people and he only has a few people to invite.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 09/05/2016 15:11

If the invites hadn't already been dished, I'd have been tempted to make it even smaller with just the parents on each side and a witness each like my sister did, no-one was annoyed or upset as it was just the 8 of them

LagunaBubbles · 09/05/2016 15:13

I don't have much family and nor does my partner. Think it would be a reminder of we had a lot of empty chairs that ones that we loved can't attend because they are no longer around. We also wanted an intimate wedding so we could look back on the day and have fond memories.

I get that in relation to your sisters rather dubious partner but it puzzles me when you say you dont have much family and thats one of the reasons for this "small" wedding - and yet exclude your nieces who are your family. Confused

samG76 · 09/05/2016 15:15

Thurlow - not sure what I would have done, tbh, but there wasn't anyone in that position. Just a couple of cousins who had been in relationships for a few months where we thought their DP could do with a kick up the backside.