To think it's a bit weird when men get over protective about their DDs having boyfriends?

331 replies

PinkyOfPie · 08/05/2016 15:11

BIL has a thing about his DD getting a boyfriend (she's only 5!) and keeps saying things like he'll wait at home with a baseball bat when she goes on her first date and tells her she can't have a boyfriend until she's 21. Apparently he "knows what lads that age are like and how they treat girls" He doesn't do it in a jokey way either has no sense of humour.

This isn't the first time I've encountered this over protective attitude, and it's often portrayed on TV/films too. AIBU to think it's ridiculous and unhealthy? My dad was always fine with me having BFs as a teen, as long as they were treating me right.i think it's rather unfair to assume all boys are shitheads to girls.

OP posts:

corythatwas · 10/05/2016 10:13

KindDogsTail Tue 10-May-16 09:56:29 "On the other hand please do not go the other way and make very young girls, and boys for that matter, feel they have to be sexual and fall prey to feeling they have to have anal sex and give blow jobs before they have even had a chance to hold hands or get a bunch of flowers."

To me, this is just another part of the same attitude as telling them that daddy won't let them have a boyfriend : it tells them that men are in charge of their sexuality. Surely the only way to empower young women is to tell them that they are in charge and they decide what they want to do or don't want to do and that they don't owe either sex or chastity to anyone? Or have I missed something?

corythatwas · 10/05/2016 10:14

Sorry when I said "this" I was not referring to KindDog's post, but to the attitude she mentioned that women owe sex to men.

KindDogsTail · 10/05/2016 10:38

Surely the only way to empower young women is to tell them that they are in charge and they decide what they want to do or don't want to do and that they don't owe either sex or chastity to anyone?

I think that is absolutely right Cory but what is actually happening in my opinion is that for various reasons girls (and boys) are put under pressure to have sex for sex's sake, whether or not there is a relationship and in practice girls (boys) have very little control over what happens to their bodies and their minds within the encounters.

Boys having random porn fuelled boys-will-be-boys sex complete with photos shown round to friends should not mean that in the interests of equality girls should be given the impression they ought to be doing the same.

What about teaching boys to behave differently? Consent lessons are a start.
Lessons that copying porn films with your girlfriend may not be the best sex for her, or the boy for that matter etc

About 15 years ago on the television, I once heard a man talking about when he had lost his virginity and how his dad had been concerned for him that it had happened in a happy way with a girl who cared for him a lot and whom he had liked too. I thought that was touching. It was what anyone would hope for with their girls, so a reverse is you see what I mean. That attitude from a father to his sons is to be hoped for in my opinion. (No chance probably)

I do not think many young teenaged girls find it easy to stand up for what they want to happen to their bodies.

corythatwas · 10/05/2016 11:17

As a parent to a teen of either sex, I definitely agree that it is vital that we educate them both on what consent means and what sex is actually about (about being close to someone, about two people both having a good time, about seeing each other as people). Absolutely do not mean that women should bear the sole responsibility here.

What I want both my teens to grasp is that you have the right to opt out of anything you do not want but you do not have the right to force what you want on another human being and that means you have to be ready to listen to what they do want.