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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's a bit weird when men get over protective about their DDs having boyfriends?

331 replies

PinkyOfPie · 08/05/2016 15:11

BIL has a thing about his DD getting a boyfriend (she's only 5!) and keeps saying things like he'll wait at home with a baseball bat when she goes on her first date and tells her she can't have a boyfriend until she's 21. Apparently he "knows what lads that age are like and how they treat girls" Hmm He doesn't do it in a jokey way either has no sense of humour.

This isn't the first time I've encountered this over protective attitude, and it's often portrayed on TV/films too. AIBU to think it's ridiculous and unhealthy? My dad was always fine with me having BFs as a teen, as long as they were treating me right.i think it's rather unfair to assume all boys are shitheads to girls.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkyOfPie · 09/05/2016 19:40

Chili that comment was aimed chilled

OP posts:
RufusTheReindeer · 09/05/2016 19:44

chili

Fair enough regarding not seeing the link before your post went through Smile

And no....i didnt read the link because i wasnt interested in reading it

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 19:47

Pinky it's the notion that a lot of people have no faith in men that they won't rape that I don't like. So yes, I have to say, I am offended that people will look at my sons in years to come and think "he could be a rapist him". Honestly, I don't go around my daily life looking at men and thinking "he could be a rapist" "so could be" "and him". That's a sad way to livecif you have no faith in men at all not to rape you. There are plenty of men that don't rape or get accused of rape when they didn't intend to rape, as pointed out in my example of when a man and a woman are both bladdered.

People commit crimes whether they have had a good upbringing or not. Imo anyway.

ApocalypseSlough · 09/05/2016 19:49

Cantwait women commit very different crimes to men and at a far lower rate.
And false allegations barely exist. The DPP investigated all reports over a 17 month period and the conclusion was that the belief that there were many false allegations was far more damaging than the effect of the few false allegations that were proven.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 19:50

And I don't go around in public thinking "she could be murderer her" "so could he" "so could them two over there".

Narp · 09/05/2016 19:51

I posted yesterday that I wouldn't like my sons to meet macho twats like this father.
Perhaps I was not clear enough in asserting that this attitude does no good to young women or young men

Is it not OK that mothers of boys (who are feminists) are allowed to show concern at the damage attitudes like this do to men and women?

Pinky

Re: your last post

I am offended about people saying all men are rapists because I have a father, a brother, and a husband, as well as two sons.

And I'm offended because It is, inaccurate, a generalisation, and therfore, by definition sexist, isn't it?

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 19:52

Well Apocolypse that should be wonderful news to hear for the mothers of girls on here. To know that their princesses are less likely to ever commit a crime. It's just all us mothers of boys who are bringing up monsters in the making.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 19:54

And I'm offended because It is, inaccurate, a generalisation, and therfore, by definition sexist,

That's what I meant when I said someone's comment yesterday was sexist. But people didn't get it.

Narp · 09/05/2016 19:54

Also,

were you, Pinky, being sarcastic here, or have you changed your tune?

"YY narp and cant I don't have boys but I feel for mums with boys when society has such little faith in their ability not to rape and beat women sad"

Narp · 09/05/2016 19:55

Can'tWait

Yes.

LyndaNotLinda · 09/05/2016 19:59

No one has said all men are rapists but that men are rapists. It's a statement of fact. How on earth is it contentious.

I also have male relatives but somehow I'm managing not to take this thread as an attack on them Confused

Narp · 09/05/2016 19:59

Also (on a roll)

It's not as if we have any choice about having boys, and wishing to support and educate them the best we can. I feel a huge responsibility, along with my DH (chosen especially for his non-rapist propensities) to raise good men

I started speaking to them about consent almost as soon as I started talking to them about sex.

So you can see how it might be a bit galling to be accused of shoe-horning our special snowflakes into this debate about crap parenting

Narp · 09/05/2016 20:00

Lynda

Perhaps you should read the whole thread

Original poster
PinkyOfPie · 09/05/2016 20:01

Pinky it's the notion that a lot of people have no faith in men that they won't rape that I don't like.

I don't like it either. As narp pointed out I said that before. However, there's a difference between not wanting all men to be tarred with the same brush, and downplaying the rape statistics or turning it round to say "plenty of men get accused of rape when they have done nothing" like many have said on this thread. If you don't want boys to be seen as potential rapists then denying the true facts around rape stats will not help this cause.

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkyOfPie · 09/05/2016 20:02

Not sure what Lynda is supposed to have missed on this thread? She made a very relevant point

OP posts:
ApocalypseSlough · 09/05/2016 20:12

Can'twait I have sons and daughters and like Narp,'I started speaking to them about consent almost as soon as I started talking to them about sex.'
It's not man hating to point out that men rape and women don't. They commit different crimes at a much lower rate than men.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 20:13

No one has said all men are rapists but that men are rapists. It's a statement of fact. How on earth is it contentious.

I know men are rapists. But it's the feeling that some people have no faith in men to not rape that I don't like. Therefore they have no faith in my sons when they are men. Not all men are potential rapists either because not all men want to do it. You only think they are potential rapists because of their genitals and that's it, and that's fucking vile.

TaraCarter · 09/05/2016 20:21

However, did either of you read the link? it's neither a link to a specific case (it's an editorial), nor does it clarify what "too drunk" means.

Yes, I read it. Having read it, do you understand why I said that all that is needed is to have human decency and have developed good judgment of drunkenness?

Because it is.

TaraCarter · 09/05/2016 20:23

can'twait

What? You're actually old enough to have three sons? Seriously?

You post like a rather ignorant 17-21 year old boy who has been hanging around on reddit.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 20:28

Tara You're getting personal because you disagree with my opinion. Lovely. I haven't questioned anyone's age on here though- It's called a debate.

TaraCarter · 09/05/2016 20:34

It's not your opinion. It's your phasing and your very odd questions.

You have a definite axe to grind about feminism and you seriously asked whether it was okay for a sober woman to have sex with a man too drunk to consent. Quite a curious hole in general knowledge from an adult.

TaraCarter · 09/05/2016 20:37

P.S. Did you use to be on TSR?

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 20:39

Confused I don't find that odd. I was seeing if it was one rule for men and another rule for women in the eyes of the law, to take advantage of someone when they are drunk and the other person is sober.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 09/05/2016 20:40

TSR? What is that? Confused

I think that answers your question to that.

chilipepper20 · 09/05/2016 20:41

Yes, I read it. Having read it, do you understand why I said that all that is needed is to have human decency and have developed good judgment of drunkenness?

Where in that document did you get that?