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Original poster

Desperate for some advice... It's regarding my son (who is 12)... Anyone?

249 replies

somewhereoverthere · 06/05/2016 21:40

Hi,

I literally have no one to talk about this to... I'm just desperate for advice. I can't find much info online, but came across here.

My son has a laptop, his dad brought it for him (we are recently divorced) and I was never keen on the idea. However, it has a been a big help for homework and my son uses it a lot to Skype with his dad, who he only sees once a month - that's a whole other issue.

We have some controls on there - as much as I could possibly find, I spent a lot of time Googling, etc. and things have been going okay.

However, he does use Skype to talk to his new friends, from high school. They all have it, apparently, and it's good if you don't have FaceTime, which he doesn't. He has been taking his laptop to his room a lot, which I have tried my best to discourage. However, he complains that it gets to loud downstairs when he is trying to work (I have 3 other children) - 8, 6 and 4. Also, the younger one does constantly press the keys, which I then get a bad attitude from my older son (the one I have talking about). So I have just let him take it up, he gets his homework done.

Everything has been working out okay, I haven't really thought much of it.

However, he was crying in the bathroom for about 35 minutes, something which was very odd, so I ended up getting him out of there, for him to just break down in my arms. I gave him a cuddle and asked what the problem was, he got angry, stormed away and said he just couldn't tell me.

I later get a knock on the door from 2 of my son's best friends, who live in our village (they don't go to his school) and asked if they could speak to him and I tried to explain that he was a bit upset and asked if they might know if anything has happened recently. They looked at each other in a really weird way, I was then panicking and admit I raised my voice a bit at them, they said I should ask him and left with a bad attitude, because I shouted at them (not really a shout, but a raised voice). I now feel really bad about this, but cannot sit and worry.

I went up and told my son who I had just saw and for him to tell me. He starts shouting about how this man is unfair and how he is going to be in so much trouble and how sorry he is and how he is packing all his bags. I tried to get him to calm down; he then grabs some pain relief and says he might as well just take them all. I snatched them and just told him to tell me and tried to explain that I would sort it.

He then was explaining how he did something really stupid online. That this person said that he was a 13 year old girl and said that he knew (a friend of my son's name) and he had told her to add him. However, he wasn't actually that person, etc. etc.

My son then explains how he showed on his webcam and it was a big mistake and was literally sobbing with tears - I tried to calm him down and was trying to say that I'm not mad at him and we can sort it and we will report it and all that.

He then goes on to say how it isn't possible and all his friends have seen an image of him naked and they all laughed at school today and everyone knows and have been sending it all around to everyone. He says that everyone has been nasty and printed posters out of this picture, but he was saying that it was at his after school club so no teachers or other years know yet, but how they will on Monday and how they will post it all over Facebook (my son is not on Facebook) etc. etc.

My son is literally in hysterics. I have no idea how to help, I am trying to say that it will be okay, but really, I don't know if it will? It sounds awful, I just don't know what to do or say, or whatever. I'm just lost and need some advice. He is cooped away in his room, crying and screaming. He has lost the plot.

Please can someone here just give me a little advice? Please, I'm absolutely desperate.

OP posts:
40somethingwonderful · 07/05/2016 07:04

Please call the police. 💐

chibsortig · 07/05/2016 07:14

Call the police it is an offence for anyone to distribute naked pictures of children.
Your poor boy :( he isnt the first and wont be the last.

But definitely contact the police asap and get the culprits caught. Everyone who has printed the picture could possibly be committing an offence. It needs dealing with before it escalates.

LarrytheCucumber · 07/05/2016 07:37

DS did this
He was older (15 or 16). The Police were really good. The officer managed to.impress on him that he mustn't do it again, but treated him kindly at the same time.

ValancyJane · 07/05/2016 07:38

I hope you contacted the police, I agree that CEOP do an amazing job and will definitely look into this and help sort it out. Can I also suggest you email the school today - I would contact the head of year or headteacher who will involve whoever has a responsibility for safeguarding. A lot of teachers do check work emails over the weekend, and you want this to be the top priority on Monday. I would keep your DS off on Monday morning until there is a firm plan / kids who know have been spoken to by the head of year etc. Maybe see if you can arrange to go in and see the head of year on Monday with your DS?

I hope he's feeling better now.

mygorgeousmilo · 07/05/2016 07:49

Contact the police immediately. Then contact perhaps childline, give him a reassuring adult to talk to. Ask for advice from the NSPCC. And whatever you do, make sure pills, razors anything is locked away and that you check on him constantly. He sounds like he's hysterical, and yes this is absolutely horrific for a child to go through. It is a criminal offence to make those images and to share them publicly, whoever did it needs to be dealt with and they need to be removed. It's not just the mean kids at school looking at them, you don't want them floating around on the Internet and getting into the wrong hands.

Lunar1 · 07/05/2016 08:17

I hope you called he police last night, the sooner they can get to work on something like this the better.

CharlieJamie · 07/05/2016 08:43

Curren - I think it's a little poor to assume it's an adult/paedophile/man... Maybe it is, but it sounds like someone from his school

gingergenie · 07/05/2016 08:57

OP I think the part that may be slightly confusing is the bit where you told us your son said He starts shouting about how this man is unfair - I think that's where perhaps it is not clear if it is his peers or a man grooming him. If it is his peers, that's cyber bullying - if it's a man, then the implications are obvious. Either way, the police should be informed. Both are crimes. Yes he shouldn't have sent naked images but that should be dealt with after the fall out, when things are calmer and less catastrophic. Please call the police.

curren · 07/05/2016 08:58

Charlie the op says He starts shouting about how this man is unfair and how he is going to be in so much

so my assumption is that it's a man. Besides which either the ds knows who it is or he doesn't. If he doesn't it very well could be a peadophile.

Maybe you are right. Maybe it's 'just' someone distributing pictures of naked children Confused

hettie · 07/05/2016 09:11

It's his peers (or an older sibling of one of them) surely... Otherwise how would they be distributed around school.

curren · 07/05/2016 09:13

Clearly they do know someone he goes to school with. That doesn't mean it's not an adult.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 07/05/2016 09:14

A similar thing happened to my friends 10-year-old although in this instance he was filmed without his permission and the footage was distributed. School contacted the police who took it very seriously indeed, as did the parents of the perpetrator (and who wouldn't when their son is under threat of a sex crime prosecution?) Seeing as this has been brought to your attention over a weekend I'd definitely advise contacting the police immediately. They may be able to act promptly to ensure the images don't get distributed so widely.

Flowers I hope your poor son is feeling much calmer today. Some people are so vile.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 07/05/2016 09:21

I'm pretty sure all those who passed the footage on were also spoken to by the police.

OP, I've just read your post on page 4 where you question police involvement. Absolutely you must. School will. A crime had been committed against your hysterical, suicidal son. Get angry!

MangoMoon · 07/05/2016 09:24

It really doesn't matter who did what or why at the moment tbh.

Police & school need to be contacted immediately as a matter of urgency.

Just be on your son's side, 100%, no matter what.
He's 12, he's growing up in a very different world to what we did.
He's scared, embarrassed, ashamed, and can't see a way out of it.

Be his advocate.

LarrytheCucumber · 07/05/2016 09:32

The son has also committed a crime and it does go on their Police record. DS' is still recorded although no charges were made and no formal caution given. However as it happened before he was 18 it does not show up on Police checks, it is 'on file'.

BillSykesDog · 07/05/2016 09:50

How the hell has the son committed a crime? He is 12 ffs, a child. Or are little boy victims okay to brand as criminals asking for it in a way we wouldn't brand little girls?

gingergenie · 07/05/2016 10:00

From the Ceop website:

Taking and sharing naked or ‘sexy’ pictures or videos of people under 18 is illegal, even if you’re taking them of yourself. The law is there to protect you from adults who make these pictures but sharing them of yourself can be really unsafe. You also shouldn’t share naked or ‘sexy’ pictures of other young people - this is illegal and can cause them very serious problems.

gingergenie · 07/05/2016 10:02

No-one is saying he was asking for it. Just that there are laws to protect under 18s from playing into the hands of bullies and paedophiles.

Myinlawsdidthisthebastards · 07/05/2016 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MangoMoon · 07/05/2016 10:06

FFS.

Some posters on MN leave me speechless.

A 12 yr old has been tricked into sharing naked images.

A fucking 12 year old.

A child.

PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 10:08

I hope you all got some rest last night, somewhere, and that your DS is a little calmer today.

Please take what others who shared similar experiences and who posted on this thread have said: contact CEOP/police and the school.
You cannot deal with this yourself Thanks

PacificDogwod · 07/05/2016 10:09

ginger, I did not know that about taking underaged naked pictures of yourself Shock
I shall point this out to DSs1 and 2, 13 and 12 respectively.

What a world we live in.

gingergenie · 07/05/2016 10:11

Mango, honestly, we know he was tricked. No-one is saying he's a bad person. He did something very silly, and it is awful that he was tricked and that these images were shared. No-one is victim blaming. No-one is saying he doesn't deserve the utmost sympathy or care to get him over the horrific situation. The fact remains that he shouldn't have sent images of himself naked to anyone. That's not victim blaming, that's fact. And the law. To PROTECT young people from EXACTLY this. No-one is trying to make out that he is to blame.

BillSykesDog · 07/05/2016 10:12

It might technically be a crime. But I don't think anybody apart from a loon would seriously be suggesting that a child in this situation should be criminalised.

And I don't think the subject of 'oh but she's committed a crime too'would even be mentioned if we were talking about a little girl.

ColdMeatPlatter · 07/05/2016 10:13

OP I don't want to alarm you any more but I thought I'd share this story of a poor lad who was local-ish to me.
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11661272/Online-trick-led-to-teenage-boys-suicide.html
Poor Ronan did exactly as your poor boy did, he went to his parents for help when the blackmailing started. I'm just worried like a pp mentioned, your son mentioned a "man". The group involved in this were not local but apparantly prey on teenagers. I can assure you the police will take this very seriously. I'm so so sorry this has happened I wouldnt wish what happened to you or this family on my worst enemy.take care.

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