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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

406 replies

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 14:52

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

OP posts:
MakingJudySmile · 08/05/2016 09:24

You'd really want to be a lover of all things bread based at some of these weddings. Now I like a sandwich (for a quick lunch), I also like scones (with a cuppa), but neither are an actual meal. I also like hot meat rolls (aka a sandwich) be it wouldn't be something that'd be thrilled to see after all I'd been offered so far was sandwiches.

In fact I wasn't. I never told the bride, however, my opinion. I told here as the positive stuff 'the table looked so beautiful'

To be frank giving your guests an actual (savoury) meal - which could be a cold buffet (with more than just sandwiches), or a bbq with salads or a 'beef or salmon' sit down - is the way you show your guests that you actually think they matter.

Sandwiches for the evening part work well. Soakage for the drinkers and whatnot

waitingforsomething · 08/05/2016 09:27

I tried to save money on my wedding but absolutely not on food and drink. We had a xmas wedding and had;
Wedding at 2pm followed by mince pies and a drink.
Sit down 3 course meal at 4.30 pm
Bacon and halloumi rolls and salads at 8.30pm. I hope no one was hungry!

My good friend got married, practically had no food and I'm afraid me and some other friends had to sneak out for a curry before we were too drunk to stay. It stays In my mind as the worst wedding ive been too solely because of the food.
Ive been to loads of weddings on different budget, the food has been different but crucuially there has been enough.

snowgirl29 · 08/05/2016 09:30

YNBU. Last wedding I went to. Ceremony at lunchtime. A lovely surprise for all the guests after, a mingle with drinks available and then the venue ran late with the actual meal. Bride and venue apologetic. It must have only been about around teatime but some of the Guests were close to eating their own arm by this time.
If we'd have been made to wait until 9pm for a burger van i didn't know was outside I'd have been off to the nearest McDonalds quite frankly Wink

Woodhill · 08/05/2016 09:33

Dd is getting married, 3 course sit down meal for guests. I think it is important.

I went to a wedding recently where we had to travel for miles and we paid for all our drinks. There was a bbq style meal and no starters or deserts, it was very poor.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/05/2016 09:34

I think that's dreadfully rude of the B&G.

I had a long wedding because it was short notice and the latest time in the day we could get for the reg office was 11:30am. So it all had to be spaced quite carefully, with advice from the venue wedding manager. As a result, I sent out a "schedule" with the invitation, so people would know that the meal wasn't until 2:30 (although there was a drinks part before that) and have a later breakfast if possible, or bring snacks to tide them over. We also had a buffet in the evening, so yes, 2 lots of feeding of the guests.

MomofBride · 08/05/2016 09:51

DD is getting married at 2pm. The reception is in the tithe barn next to the church so we just walk through a gate. Then we're having substantial canapés with drinks, a 3 course sit down and more food in the evening. I do hope people have a decent breakfast or grab a sandwich at lunchtime though, because realistically it's going to be 3pm before they get anything. No one has to travel far.

rookiemere · 08/05/2016 10:10

It seems ironic that as theming of a wedding has become more important, the basic elements of hosting have become less so.

I really like what kr1stina says: if you want people to enjoy your wedding , pay attention FIRST to the food, drink, comfort and entertainment of your guests

Also at some point availability trumps quality - probably around 7pm if you're hungry. So by that point I'd rather have food made available to me even if it's a microwaved pizza from Iceland rather than waiting a further two hours to pay to have a wagyu steak burger from a retro van.

Do no elderly people attend weddings any more? At ours we had various relatives and friends of the family in their 60s & 70s, some not in great health. I was very conscious that in particular these guests would need somewhere to sit away from the music and a reasonable amount of food at normal meal times.

Oh btw afternoon canapes and a relatively early meal for a 2pm wedding is absolutely fine as that's what we had. Most people would have lunch before hand due to the timing - 12 o clock wedings more tricky.

MomofBride · 08/05/2016 10:26

I don't get the theming thing either, surely the theme is 'wedding' Grin. That's what we've gone for anyway, and for us that means a bride and groom, dear friends and relatives, a big feast and a good party.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 08/05/2016 10:28

Thanks for all the advice, I'm going to tactfully raise it with her. If that doesn't work I'll be surreptitiously phoning for a pizza from outside the venue! It's in the middle of nowhere though Sad

WriteforFun1 · 08/05/2016 11:00

Snowgirl "A lovely surprise for all the guests after, "
Which was...no food?!

Just remembered, there were casino games at one of these non food weddings and the couple were surprised no one was playing, but of course we were sitting on our hands to avoid eating them.

Kr1stina · 08/05/2016 11:49

Theming is great if that floats your boat . As long as you remember that no one else cares .

And that failing to provide the basics of hospitality to your guests because you spent most of the budget on designer stationery , jimmy choos for the bridesmaids , a horse and carriage , colour coordinated sashes for the chairs and matching balloons and almonds is just plain rude .

expatinscotland · 08/05/2016 11:50

'If that doesn't work I'll be surreptitiously phoning for a pizza from outside the venue! It's in the middle of nowhere though sad'

Do not be tactful, because she's going to spring it on these guests. They will have no idea there's no food (sweeties and cakes are not food, they are dessert). And it's not easy to get food due to the venue location.

Express shock. Tell her about this thread. And that it's rude to do this to people.

What Kr1stina said with bells on.

YouCanButImNot · 08/05/2016 12:08

At our wedding feeding my guests was a priority! I remember saying to the venue that I wanted proper food in the evening so that guests coming later were getting a good meal also. So we got married at 1pm, full 3 course meal at 3pm and then we had a buffet from 8pm that had meat and potato pie, cheese pie, mushy peas, crusty bread and gravy (winter wedding so food was suitable) and then lots of chocolate wedding cake and also a sweetie table - but only because I have a friend who does it for other wedding and offered to do us one. I hope nobody went hungry!

MiddleClassProblem · 08/05/2016 13:52

I think she might need pointing out yhat some guests may not have eaten much before the wedding and you would normally have one full meal at least in that time on a normal day snacks and a meal more normal

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 08/05/2016 15:57

There were several elderly guests at 'scone' wedding and several children also 3 gluten free.(I know this info as bride shared with me and one of the gluten free guests how much extra it was to cater for the gf guests )

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 08/05/2016 16:22

We did 4pm ceremony, got to the reception venue by 6:00pm and had drinks in the garden. Then sat down to eat at 7:00pm. Basically a dinner party with 100 of our favourite people. Lots of really nice food, plenty of drink provided. No dancing, but some entertainment with coffee - because nobody we invited was particularly bothered with dancing. At 10pm we left and everyone else stayed behind and hit the bar (hard from all accounts).
It seems everyone enjoyed themselves - which was my priority once the legal stuff was done. I wanted everyone to have the best time.

I really don't understand couples who seem to think that their guests are mannequins, only there to provide a picturesque back drop to the photos.

TheCrumpettyTree · 08/05/2016 17:01

We had a bbq with a selection of desserts then hot rolls later. So many of our guests raved about the food.

Marmalady75 · 08/05/2016 18:14

We nipped out of a wedding to go to a chippy nearby. As we were ordering some other guests appeared too. They bride and groom were very generous with the alcohol, but only serve hors d'hoeuvres.

thesockgap · 08/05/2016 18:39

Wow OP, your story of wedding underfeeding certainly puts my one in the shade. I still can't get over the wedding evening we went to the other year (me, DH and 3 kids aged from 7 to 14) - I'd never in my life been to an evening reception that didn't have a hearty buffet, so we didn't have any tea as we expected to eat the equivalent of a large meal... boy how wrong we were, all that was offered to evening guests was waiters carrying round a tray of limp bacon butties. I took one (quarter of a round so in other words, half a piece of bread and a little bit of soggy bacon), DH was in the toilets when the waiters came round so he missed it altogether, and the kids hate bacon butties so wouldn't have one. Ended up getting them packets of crisps from the bar, and beating a retreat at around 9:30pm as they were crying with hunger - we stopped at a Maccies drive-thru on the way home and stuffed our faces!
Moral of the story: never make presumptions about wedding catering!

lalalalyra · 08/05/2016 18:42

I don't really understand people who don't cater for their guests. I mean we had some guest who were a bit snooty because we 'only' had a buffet, but there was mountains of food (hot pastas, chilli, cold meats, breads, salads etc). It was cheaper than a posh meal, but no-one was hungry. We didn't have a starter, but that's because our families are pudding lovers so we had two puddings instead :D

It's only forgivable to have hungry guests if your caterers let you down imo. DH's cousin spent a fortune on her wedding at a beautiful hotel. The meals were a disaster (raw chicken anyone?) so by the time the evening buffet came people were starving. Then the hotel sent out the smallest amount of food you've ever seen. It was a disgrace for the money. The bride's father ended up ignoring the hotel's "only food we prepare can be eaten here" rule and rang out for pizzas and chips. Her wedding is remembered for the lack of food, but it wasn't her fault. To deliberately leave your guests hungry is terrible.

WriteforFun1 · 08/05/2016 21:00

OP "There were several elderly guests at 'scone' wedding and several children also 3 gluten free.(I know this info as bride shared with me and one of the gluten free guests how much extra it was to cater for the gf guests )"

OMD you have to tell us what the gluten free guests got!! My guess is an apple and a bit of cheese.

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 08/05/2016 21:06

WriteForFun1

Nothing,the gf guests got nothing!
Well I only spoke to one gf guest ,my friend ,who was informed by bride she would be getting a gf scone but it never showed.Im not sure what happened as I was eating in a different room to her but she definitely had nothing to eat until about 10pm when a gf pizza turned up ,I don't know where it came from and I don't think she did either ,we were too drunk to notice by this time and she had already resorted to eating a burger from the burger van at about 9.Hunger got the better of her in the end and I think she was quite ill the next day as a result of the gluten.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 08/05/2016 21:08

Sorry I contradicted myself there ! she did eat before the pizza at ten as she had the burger but only as she hadn't eaten since breakfast

OP posts:
yoomoo · 08/05/2016 22:07

We got married in December and absolutely prioritised the food and a good caterer! In the end it cost over 1/3 of the overall wedding cost. Ceremony at 1pm, tea & coffee plus tonnes of cake in the church hall after while we had a few photos (being winter we knew no one would want to hang about outside during photos!) then onto the reception for canapés and champagne. Sit down 3 course meal at 3.30pm (we did a carvery there was sooo much food!) then at 7.30pm hog roast with huge rolls, stuffing and home made sausages. The caterer kindly left it out all evening so at midnight our guests could make a roll for the taxi home. Our wedding cake was cupcakes so everyone was encouraged to help themselves and also take one home. We did have a sweet table but that was a sort of gift to my 5 year old nephew who was page boy, everyone tucked in but he was so chuffed it was his idea! I don't think anyone was hungry on the day Smile

WriteforFun1 · 08/05/2016 22:08

Oh you poor friend. I am so flummoxed that people think this is okay.