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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

406 replies

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 14:52

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 07/05/2016 21:57

Unfortunately everyone had a scone lol .They must have as bride explained to me recently that she hoped the scone would have been accompanied by some crisps and grapes .

OP posts:
ShinyShinyShiny · 07/05/2016 22:07

I really like a hog roast when it's done well, not so much when it's fatty and bland.

We ended up over feeding our guests as I was so worried about them going hungry.

11am ceremony
12:30 substantial canapés
13:30 4 course meal with enormous portions (starter, main, dessert and cheeseboard)
19:00 hog roast with homemade stuffing, freshly baked breads and lots of salad
followed by more cheese board and wedding cake (chocolate)

It doesn't sound that much written down but it felt like we didn't stop eating all day and my dress was seriously tight by the end of it

We also sent out the timings for the day along with the invitations so that people could plan as I hate going to weddings and not knowing if/when I'm going to be fed.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/05/2016 22:26

I'm really worried now - my best friend is getting married this summer, the wedding starts at 1pm, followed by a reception nearvy. She's planning to serve afternoon tea - 3 finger sandwiches, 1 scone & 1 fairy cake per person, and fruit platters. The wedding will go on till 21:30 (it's s ceilidh). Will people be hungry? And if so, what would you suggest she serves? NB she's very well off.

Swirlingasong · 07/05/2016 22:26

Did you actually go round all these separate dining rooms and check that everyone only had a scone? Could the bride simply be hiding the fact that the whole day was an elaborate social experiment to see how people would react? You were in the dry scone room, the 'control' room got standard wedding fayre, other rooms were served marmalade sandwiches, crunchy insect snacks or pom bears. The burger van was not announced as it was part of a test to see how people would start to seek out food and whether they would share their knowledge with others.

Floggingmolly · 07/05/2016 22:31

Is that food it, Hedgehog? Shock. 8+ hours with 3 finger sandwiches and a fecking fairy cake? She's got to be joking.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 07/05/2016 22:39

a couple of sambos, bit of fruit and a fairy cake is not "afternoon tea" Hmm it's a flippin kid's lunch meal-deal!

So she's just not serving dinner?

Yes of course people will be hungry and nobody will be either sober enough to do ceilidh dancing or else they'll have gone off to the nearest indian restaurant!

Send her this thread hedgehog and tell her to sort her priorities out! Noone will remember anything about the day except her shit hosting if that's all she feeds people

Swirlingasong · 07/05/2016 22:40

Ahedgehog, yes, people will be hungry. You wood normally aim to arrive for a wedding service about 1/2 hour early to allow for hold ups etc. So that is 8 hours with a sandwich and a fairy cake. Add travel time to that (to save accommodation costs dh and I wood happily travel 2 hours or more each way if it was an early finish) and it's even longer. I think they need an evening buffet at least.

Queenie73 · 07/05/2016 22:44

Hedgehog, she'll need much more food that that! We had a full-on Highland wedding (same dances etc as at a ceilidh), and as I'm sure you know, ceilidhs are fairly energetic, assuming it's the usual wedding woman-flinging contest and not a more sedate affair. People will be starving. I'd go for a buffet personally, if she doesn't want a formal sit-down meal. also, if drink is taken, ginger sandwiches will not be enough to soak any of it up.

The best wedding I ever went to didn't have a huge budget, but the bride did have several uncles who were fishermen and instead of a present, they donated boxes and boxes of lobsters and crabs. We gave much more cash as a present than we'd planned, because it seemed mean not to after a feed like that!

MomofBride · 07/05/2016 22:44

That's got to be a wind up surely? No sane person would think you could just serve that, it's not even a full afternoon tea. And starting at 1 loads of people won't have time for lunch first.

TheCrumpettyTree · 07/05/2016 22:49

Hedgehog, direct your friend to this thread. Her guests will be leaving and going to KFC. Or they'll be wasted because of having an empty stomach. Does she want her wedding to be remembered by her guests because they were hungry? That is not afternoon tea.

WriteforFun1 · 07/05/2016 22:51

Hedgehog, won't YOU be hungry? I don't get how anyone thinks that's enough food to last people to 9.30.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/05/2016 23:04

I'm honestly not taking the Michael, that's the plan so far! Clearly I need to do some damage limitation, but I don't want to come across as a knob overstepping the mark. How can I raise this? Sad

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/05/2016 23:10

Ynbu. A scone and jam to last what 9 hours. I don't know about my arm like a pp's DP. I'd have ate the B&G. I'm a hungry Horace.
Was the Burger van just there coincidentally or was in arranged. Did guests have to psy for their burgers.

Klaptout · 07/05/2016 23:11

Hang on, how are you pronouncing scone, now importantly, jam first or cream?

WizardOfToss · 07/05/2016 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swirlingasong · 07/05/2016 23:18

You say she is not short of money, so is th were a particular reason she has gone for this?

Does she ask for your opinion on wedding plans normally? Can you broach the subject as concern for her getting hungry and then widen out to other guests? Are children invited? Mine would be tantruming nightmares if that was all they had, they certainly wouldn't create the kind of ambiance most couples aim for!

Floggingmolly · 07/05/2016 23:27

Was the person hospitalised because of excess alcohol on an empty stomach, Wizard? I'd have eaten a farmers arse through a hedge at that point myself, but actially hospitalised?

expatinscotland · 07/05/2016 23:31

'The wedding will go on till 21:30 (it's s ceilidh). Will people be hungry? And if so, what would you suggest she serves? NB she's very well off.'

WTF? I've had more food than that at country dancing meetups in the village hall.

Mention this thread in passing.

I cannot believe she's not planning any proper food! I'd leave. How thoughtless and tight can you be?

WriteforFun1 · 07/05/2016 23:33

Wizard, it's so nice to hear someone say they could afford to feed people twice so got married later in the day, wish more people did this. Also nicer to have a shorter day as a guest tbh.

Hedgehog, this isn't a matter that needs delicacy surely? Tell her straight, most people will be really hangry and run away to get food. I do know a couple of people who can easily skip meals but the other thing about a 1pm start is that even people like that, if they had breakfast at 9, will be pretty ravenous on what's been suggested.

WriteforFun1 · 07/05/2016 23:36

Hedgehog, still curious, won't you be hungry?
As for suggesting what she serves, er, food? and I mean real food, not a bowl of sweets.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2016 23:38

Just say, 'Say, are you still planning not to serve any food at your wedding? There's this thread running on MN that's gone viral about weddings where no food is served. It's eye-opening. I can't go that long with a meal, so I can only imagine what the other guests will do.'

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 07/05/2016 23:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornishclio · 08/05/2016 00:03

Good grief, have people organising weddings with no food got no sense? If you can't afford a big wedding then don't have one but I think it is really rude to invite guests to a wedding celebration which lasts more than 2-3 hours with no food. One scone does not count as food. If I was invited to a wedding starting at 12 and a wedding breakfast or buffet had not materialised by 4 at latest I would have left at that point. If we go to weddings midday we always have a brunch beforehand as I know with ceremony and photos it can be a few hours before food arrives but to go from 12 until 9pm with just one scone being offered is downright inhospitable. Also, a burger van for a wedding? That is just so rude and tacky.

Floggingmolly · 08/05/2016 00:10

"Less is more" when applied to providing food is an insane way to think. Especially when the result is a couple of sandwiches and a fairy cake, in place of a meal... What's classy or elegant about that? Confused
There's no way that is anything other than tight.

Stratter5 · 08/05/2016 00:16

I was matron of honour at a v similar wedding, Wizard. By the time we ate I'd have happily eaten my vile hat. DD1 was 8 weeks old, I was BF (well expressing, but same thing), and uncomfortable and hangry doesn't even come close.

PEOPLE, FEED YOUR GUESTS.

A lot.