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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

406 replies

Roversandrhodes · 06/05/2016 14:52

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

OP posts:
TrixieBernadette · 07/05/2016 18:28

DP is type 1 diabetic. This style of cake and sweets (and bulked fruit!) as only food for 7 hours would mean we would have to leave.

Years ago I got married on a budget. We married at 4pm, had a hot buffet at 6pm which was left out all night. No one went hungry. Cost was minimal.

I think the idea of hog roasts/bbqs/pork burgers is nice. But all dressed up in heels and nice dresses, queuing for dirty food never ends up being as much of a nice thing!

rookiemere · 07/05/2016 19:03

I think part of the issue with these fun dining adventures is that it only works for guests if they know when to expect things.

For example in the OP's situation I would probably have tried not to eat the scone - for one thing pure white carbs and sugar play havoc with my blood sugar, and secondly I'd have been trying to conserve my appetite for the dinner I would be expecting.

Or in Lifebegins scenario provided I knew that dinner was to be a filled roll late evening, I'd make sure that I ate some savoury sandwiches to ensure I got some protein in, otherwise if I didn't know again I would have bypassed on the afternoon tea and probably beyond ravenous when the rolls arrived. However in that case enough food was provided, I think it was more about making folks aware of what was happening.

Another thing is that these quirky sweet buffets etc. etc. in lieu of proper food are just about tolerable for grown adults that are able to source sneaky pizzas, but what about elderly people who need to eat at regular meal times.

expatinscotland · 07/05/2016 19:09

'Another thing is that these quirky sweet buffets etc. etc. in lieu of proper food are just about tolerable for grown adults that are able to source sneaky pizzas, but what about elderly people who need to eat at regular meal times.'

Or if you're stuck in the middle of nowhere.

Besides, who over the age of about 10 wants a plate loaded with nothing but sweets?

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 07/05/2016 19:12

Rookiemere ,that's what I did.I tried the scone,it was god awful so I assumed that there would be something else coming as we'd all sat down at tables laid with plates and cutlery .Obviously nothing came though .

OP posts:
rookiemere · 07/05/2016 19:13

I feel your pain roversandrhodes am definitely going to be taking a few sneaky protein bars to my US wedding even if I am fairly confident that there will be enough food there.
That's so bizarre though - why the cutlery if no food was forthcoming?

Floggingmolly · 07/05/2016 19:14

Bit rich, LifeBegins; telling your story of the "limited" buffet at someone else's reception which led to you only getting a filled roll, when you also had rolls as your main part of the meal (sweeties don't count. They really don't)
What sort of "theme" did your wedding have that guests would expect to be served a pork roll instead of a meal?

Titsywoo · 07/05/2016 19:26

We had a late afternoon wedding at 4. We did the photos before the ceremony when it was light (winter wedding) then we didn't have to worry about guests being bored while we had them done. Canapes and champagne after the ceremony and a few family pics. Then we went back to the reception venue in a minibus (well the guests did, we went in the wedding car). Had a free drink on arrival - bubbly, beer, cocktail or soft drink. Did an hour of drinks in the bar then had a 3 course meal at 7.30 which finished at 9.30 (inc speeches). Then dancing and casino and a load of sandwiches at midnight so soak up the booze. People seem to eat more when they are drunk so the more food the better IMO.

I went to a wedding a few years ago abroad where I was a bridesmaid. I had to get up early at 7 to start getting ready. Had a good breakfast then but after that didn't get food again until 5pm. Was starving! The other guests got snacks on the coach to the venue but the poor bridesmaids got nadda. Then at 5pm we got more food than I have ever seen! It is still the best wedding I have ever been to though - 3 day wedding in Tuscany with loads of booze and food laid on and beautiful accommodation.

Thistledew · 07/05/2016 19:40

My friend at her wedding fed only the wedding party. She had a ceremony at about 1pm then an evening do from about 7pm where she provided cupcakes. However, we all knew that she and her groom were doing it on a really tight budget as they had both taken a sabbatical from work in the year before they got married to be full time carers to both their respective mothers who sadly passed away. Also, the wedding was in London and most guests were local so popped home for the afternoon. For those staying in hotels etc they recommended a restaurant and organised bookings. We all knew their circumstances and had a lovely time as we knew to plan around it.

Thistledew · 07/05/2016 19:47

DH and I got loads of complements on our wedding and I'm sure it was because we didn't stop feeding people. Our ceremony was at 3pm, we then provided canapés and champagne. Full 3 course meal at 7pm with plenty of wine on the table and then a cheese board at 10pm. We had hardly any of the usual 'frills' such as bridesmaids and favours and threw most of our money and feeding and watering our guests. It was a great night!

beckywiththemehhair · 07/05/2016 19:53

It's a bit odd not to mention breakfast/lunch/dinner in the invitation anyway - pretty standard to let guests know the order of the day. Although you would assume that for an all day-er, at least one proper meal would be part of the plans regardless. It's a bit like inviting people round for Christmas and only providing tea and scones. Weird.

beckywiththemehhair · 07/05/2016 19:58

Or at least give the guests the heads up that they will need to bring their own food or starve that day

LifeBeginsNow · 07/05/2016 20:01

My guests knew what they were getting. If anyone couldn't have eaten it, I like to think they would have mentioned it when they rsvp'd.

Plus it was a bit of a team effort with the planning. It was someone else's suggestion to have a cream tea and hog roast and a lot of friends and family helped to plan what to have.

The wedding I went to was an 11am affair until late with ONE cheese and ham roll. Mine was a 3pm start with a mass of sandwiches and cake and endless cups of tea (about 5pm ish), followed by as many pork rolls as people could manage about 8pm ish. Hardly on the same scale as my guests weren't hungry. I'm guessing some people on here have a more refined pallet - I love a cream tea though!

I'm not sure why people hate sweets so much. They weren't rammed down people's throats, just there if anyone wanted to take a bag away. Made the marquee with the bunting and chintzy teapots, etc look lovely.

Oh well, can't please everyone. We were happy and I had many people say what a lovely time they had. Like I said, I'd do the same again and just add more free booze

BiftasWifta · 07/05/2016 20:05

Sounds perfect to me lifebegins!

RaeSkywalker · 07/05/2016 20:05

Life I think your wedding sounds lovely!

beckywiththemehhair · 07/05/2016 20:10

In case it wasn't clear in my post, I was referring to the OP's experience not your wedding life
Yours sounds delightful and charming Flowers

Glitteryfrog · 07/05/2016 20:30

Do you think we ought to pop over to some wedding forums to veto some of their shit plans?!
Oh god can you imagine.
Bride - getting married at 11am. I'm spending £5k on a dress, £15k on the venue, flowers loads. We're going to have doves and speeches. Food? a sandwich at lunchtime and some cake at 9pm and a glass of pimms

MN - where is the fucking food?! What are you going to do for 12hrs.
Ditch the dress, spend it on wine and FOOD!

DMjournosrscum · 07/05/2016 20:36

Had this happen to us. Very posh hotel wedding lovely grounds fab dress expensive JL wedding list some entertainment I can't remember now, the obvious (and imo pointless and shit photo booth) But mini sandwiches and cake to share for lunch then burgers or hotdogs again from a van in evening. Luckily DH and I lived walking distance so slunk off home to feed our cat/raid the fridge mid afternoon. Thank it was no kids our DC would have been cranky nightmares. Made sure we had 3 course wedding breakfast and hot and cold buffet at ours. No one will remember you table centres but everyone will remember being starved

BreakfastAtStephanies · 07/05/2016 20:36

Our wedding was at 11.30 ( registry office ), then after photos and drinks reception the four course wedding breakfast was at about 2.00

Evening buffet was club sandwiches, cheeses and pork pie. DB asked the kitchen staff to bring the leftover pork pie out again at midnight because he had the drinking munchies. They did !

YANBU. Scone and burger doesn't sound very special.

to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding
Janeymoo50 · 07/05/2016 20:41

Seems a bit tight to me. We're marrying three weeks today at 3pm, having scones, cake and bubbles at 4.30pm and a bbq, with salads, veggie/halloumi kebabs and new potatoes etc from 7pm onwards (and wedding cake for pudding). My biggest thing is not to starve my guests!!

SmellyFartado · 07/05/2016 20:41

Crying with laughter here that the bride hoped they'd pack out the lunchbox with grapes as well as a scone. Off out now but will relish RTFT later .

Balletgirlmum · 07/05/2016 20:41

www.hitched.co.uk/chat/forums/t/531823.aspx

Even the wedding forumers agree with us.

Swirlingasong · 07/05/2016 20:45

I think yours sounds lovely, Lifebegins, I'd find that much nicer than being expected to eat a three course meal at 3 or 4pm and it sounds like their was loads of food. I've been to several weddings with hog roasts and it's always much more than just a sandwich. If a wedding starts in the afternoon so that guests have had time for lunch, surely you don't need to feed everyone before about 5 or 6? It's hardly making people wait hours is it?

Janecc · 07/05/2016 21:01

When dh and I married, we had an early afternoon wedding followed by canapés. Then a 3 course sit down early evening meal and because it was French style caterers, French onion soup later in the evening. All guests were invited for the whole duration of the wedding.

We went to a lunchtime wedding last year and tbh I checked and was reassured there was a sit down late lunch followed by an evening wonderful buffet. I must eat regularly otherwise I get very ill so food is very important to me. As it is to DD, who will quickly degenerate into a hangry child if not fed. I did also take snacks in case.
These stories are awful and guests should be told if food is out of budget. I would be shocked if I turned up to a wedding to see a bride in a 1k dress under these circumstances.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/05/2016 21:53

i had scones at a wedding i went to

notice , plural, scones Grin

was lovely, had wedding then afternoon tea with tons of scones,jam, cream mini sandwiches and cups of tea

think i ate 4 scones Blush

then bbq in evening

lots of food

'runs away'

your one sounds insane, maybe other guests had other stuff?

Original poster
Roversandrhodes · 07/05/2016 21:55

SmellyFartado , don't forget the crisps ! She expected grapes AND crisps .
Ffs,it's rediculous reslly isn't it ,can't believe no one said anything .Im sure they did ,behind closed doors.

OP posts: