to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

[Roversandrhodes]

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

[Inshock73]

Had to comment....

I've been a wedding planner, catering is key to a good wedding! Ensuring guests are fed and watered is a necessity, nothing makes guests moan more than a lack of food/drink or poor quality food/drink. As a general rule, if your ceremony is any time from 11am -2pm you need to provide a wedding breakfast as guests will be with you over the lunchtime period Whether that is a 3 course meal or a traditional afternoon tea type thing is your choice. You should also provide catering for your evening guests, that can be something light e.g. sandwiches/sausage rolls etc if your evening guests arrive 7pm onwards but if you have guests with you all day you should provide a buffet. It's also worth remembering you may have spent a lot of money on your wedding but guests have often spent a lot of money on travel/clothes/gift etc to celebrate the occasion with you.

[mrsc118]

That's not on. We had an afternoon tea at a wedding it was bloody fantastic. Surprisingly filling. Then a fish n chip van from 7pm which was also great. If people are there all day you do need to feed them. Even if its a diy buffet.

[chelle87]

This is odd. My uncle and wife only had evening buffet urgent we weren't informed and we're waiting around all day. As someone said it's alright if you have the ceremony late aft/early evening.
I'm getting married next March and there will be full traditional wedding breakfast + buffet. I want my guests well fed and watered. If I couldn't afford that then I'd have done it another way

[GirlOutNumbered]

Having worked in hospitality for many years; there is really one key element of a good do. Food and drink.
Particularly the drink!

[CharlieSierra]

I'm not sure about a buffet being essential tbh, if you've only finished 3 courses at 7ish I think you just need something later to soak up some of the booze. I'm fully on board with feeding people properly, but you wouldn't normally eat loads half way through the evening after a 3 course dinner. And a lot of buffets are awful, just cold shrivelled up stuff. I had really good cheese in the evening, with some pate, bread, biscuits, chutney and grapes etc. My niece had hot Cornish pasties which were great too.

[Sidge]

Not a wedding but we went to a christening, which had a 'do' in the local pub afterwards.

There was a cold buffet table which looked great, plenty of food laid on by the pub. However the kids went up to load their plates first (which is fine, us adults hung back to let the kids go first) but they piled their plates so ridiculously high by the time we got to the table there was very little left.

To add insult to injury they took their food outside, put it on tables and ran off to play, which was understandable as it was a glorious summer's day, but meant we all sat there with hardly anything to eat whilst their food shrivelled up in the sunshine.

Why their parents didn't monitor their food I don't know, but it really cheesed me off!

[XIIILC]

That all seems really bizarre? It feels as though there's some missing detail there. Like maybe something went wrong and bride just didn't want to admit it? I've been to four weddings and all have provided food whether it was a proper meal or a cheap Buffet, they always provided plenty.

My sisters wedding was the last one I went to. She didn't want a big deal wedding and had originally planned a few people to witness he signing of the papers and then go to the chippy below her flat. Instead she was forced to have big fancy wedding as my mum was terminally ill with cancer and wanted to see at least one of her kids get married properly. Though personally I was really looking forward to the chippy, they did fried ice-cream

[Floggingmolly]

Surely there was something in the middle between a "big fancy" wedding and having the reception in the chippy below your flat??

[waterrat]

I am in the middle of organising my own wedding. The people who run (and cater ) the venue told me that the single task they have whenever they organise a wedding is to stress how much guests do NOT appreciate early starting weddings .....

The caterer who has done 20 years of weddings said when I told her we want a 3pm start - oh good that saves us convincing you away from a 12 o clock wedding with a meal at 5. she said lots of brides want as long a day as possible but can't get it into their heads that people really dont want to stand around for five hours waiting to eat.

Someone earlier said that a 2pm wedding is okay as everyone would have had lunch - how? most people have to leave time to get to a wedding and will be getting ready - people arrive hungry unless warned otherwise!

meals shoudl be at Normal meal times! if you are going to feed people tea/ dinner - then dont get them to arrive before 3 .....

[CharlieSierra]

Why can't you have a sandwich before a 2pm wedding? Realistically how soon would you think it is possible to feed you afterwards and why would you not anticipate that? 2pm is after lunch.

[FloweryTwat]

We got married at 1.30 ( I think ) in church, was sitting down at venue for wedding breakfast by 3.30pm after a drinks reception. 4 courses, including a really filling soup and a massive tart tartan each plus coffee.

Had a hog roast, veg option, jacket potatoes and salads for evening, with a pudding and wedding cake.

It was demolished!! There was a stack of food for the evening that I thought would get wasted as we had such a big lunch but nope - most of it went in an hour.

I have been to one wedding where it was fish starter and black pudding main, neither of which I could stomach (which is entirely down to me but not really catering to the masses), and then nothing all evening. They got married at 1pm. Only time I have left a wedding to go to the chippy.

It's much better to pay for fewer people/cheaper venue and have everyone enjoying it - why can't people see that.

[Floggingmolly]

A main of black pudding . They took the term Wedding breakfast a little too literally there...

[Lillabet]

We couldn't afford to feed everyone twice and our wedding was in a part of the country which required most guests to travel we had a 4pm wedding, canapes and fizz at the reception venue (2 minutes walk from the church) whilst photos were being taken (30 minutes max) and then a three course sit down meal and a free bar. As for a sweeties/favours, we had jelly belly beans in a box for each person; the kids attending a racket going to swap the flavours they didn't like for those they did with the adults . A grand time was had by all and DH and I were almost the last to leave we were enjoying it that much.
One scone and a burger van would have had me disowned by both friends and family and an annulment by DH, although he would never have let me provide that small an amount of food on the first place
I've only been to a few weddings and the good ones were well catered and well structured with a free bar. The bad ones were poorly catered (too little food, crap food, late arriving food), poorly organised/structured (waiting in a dingy corridor with no seating for 30 minutes having been ushered from the bloody expensive bar for food) and just no thought for guests, makes you feel that you're not really wanted there .

[Swirlingasong]

Really struggling to see why you would need to warn grown adults to eat lunch before a 2pm wedding

[PerspicaciaTick]

Most people won't have time for lunch before a 2pm wedding...a late breakfast/brunch maybe. Why not put on your invite "2pm ceremony followed by wedding breakfast at Swanky Venue to be served at 4pm".

[LineyReborn]

Exactly. Just say.

Some people marrying at 2pm would have food out at 3pm. For others, it's 5pm or later.

[HoneywithLemon]

We went to a wedding last year where 300 guests were crammed in to be served a few canapes, cold meats, bread rolls and olives...from Lidl. Oh and fairy cakes (one each). That was at about 4 pm (wedding was at 2 I think). There were burgers in the evening for the evening arrivals - nothing special and pretty tasteless. Luckily we'd been tipped off, so we popped to the local beforehand and had Sunday lunch! Still we were there for 10 hours with hardly any food at all at the event itself.

The wedding looked the part, it looked pretty amazing actually, fairy-lit marquee, pretty decorations, lovely flowers but it really was a fur coat and no knickers job without proper catering. And the huge numbers meant to us it felt really impersonal. I'm sure it was different for the bride and groom, but to us it felt like a fundraiser.

As others have said, people at your wedding are your invited guests and there's a cultural expectation that you extend hospitality to them and that includes food and drink.

[Swirlingasong]

Still failing to see how people don't have time for lunch before a 2pm wedding. If you live locally, have an early lunch at 12ish having got almost ready, put posh clothes on and apply lipstick and go. If you are travelling say 2 hours, aim to leave home ready for the wedding at 10.30am. If wedding is in a remote venue pack a picnic and eat it down the road when you arrive. If in a town, find a convenient cafe, eat something and carry on to the wedding for 1.30pm.

On a normal working day I somehow make it through from lunchtime til 7 or 8 in the evening without food so I just can't see how it's so outrageous if guests at a wedding starting at 2pm aren't fed until 5? It's not like guests do nothing but wait for food, there is the wedding ceremony, which should kind of be the focus of the day, at least, that's always the bit that means the most to me.

[summerdreams]

I have been to a wedding where I wished they hadn't served food.

[PerspicaciaTick]

So it is OK for tight-arse couples not tell their guests what meal arrangements they are making, but guests are unreasonable for not enjoying a picnic in a layby on their way to the wedding?
Half the problem is that guests assume the wedding is being hosted by normal, thoughtful people - only to arrive and discover it is being hosted by deranged loons whose idea of a good time is a dry scone and absent grapes.

[Kr1stina]

Half the problem is that guests assume the wedding is being hosted by normal, thoughtful people - only to arrive and discover it is being hosted by deranged loons whose idea of a good time is a dry scone and absent grapes

This

[Janecc]

Agree with swirling. If you go to a 2pm wedding, do what children do when they go on a school trip: take a packed lunch. Or stop off for food en route. dh and I got married at 2 pm. We had a considerable amount of canapés on arrival, 3 course dinner at around 6ish then late evening snack (French onion soup with bread) as is traditional in France - dh is French with a large proportion of French guests and we had French style catering. Party finished around midnight.

[Lweji]

What I'm amazed about is that guests don't all leave and let the couple have the scant food they provide all to themselves.

[GColdtimer]

I went to a wedding once where the bride had invited virtually everyone she knew. Reception couldn't seat us all so we were sat in trestle tables in the pub garden. No contingency if it rained (it did). Food was hog roast at 5om. There was one pig for about 250 guests. By the time I got to the buffet there was no food left and the meat eaters had eaten all the veggie quiche as there was do little food. Pub was in middle of nowhere and whilst lovely vintage buses had been put on to get guests there no transport was put on back. We waited an age for a taxi. Luckily because the bride has form we had eaten massive lunch. 12 years later people still talk about what a terrible wedding it was.

[Lorraine46]

Terrible!! When we got married we did not want a formal sit down 3 course meal........so we had an afternoon buffet which included garlic bread, sandwiches, sausage rolls, cakes etc (had quite a few small children there and a magician was provided to entertain them whilst the buffet was on). Guests complimented us on this and said it was a great idea, just enough to keep them going till evening without the formalness of a sit down meal which half of them wouldn't eat! People piss me off at weddings sometimes, they expect gifts of money etc, the least they can do is provide some kind of food!!!!