to think that guests should receive a meal at a wedding

[Roversandrhodes]

Oh and I recently attended the wedding of good old friends of mine ,oh has met them a handful of times.
Wedding was at 12 and night guests arrived at 7.After the ceremony we were shown to a room for a 'mingle' whilst the wedding party had their photos.We were then taken to our assigned tables and sat down to a scone and jam.This was it ,all day.

Until about 9pm when a burger van arrived .

Aibu to think this was a little rude ?Some guests had travelled from Germany and Scotland to be there ,it was Friday so many guests inc myself and oh had taken time off work ,no kids were aloud so we (and many other guests had arranged childcare) ,we travelled an hour to get there ,brought a gift ,etc.I don't resent doing any of this ,I was happy to be invited but I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect guests to go from morning til 8pm on one scone each and a spoonful of jam.

Thoughts ?

Are her parents deciding everything? And paying? What about the groom?

If that's their attitude I presume they will be grateful when each guest gives their dd and her husband a carefully chosen wooden spoon or potato peeler as a gift.

What you get a lot of now is 'the wedding's being done on a budget' (as if no one 20+ years ago had such a thing) and 'bride and groom can't afford to invite / cater for / entertain more than X number' which actually means they don't want to, because it's become socially acceptable to spend more on your own treats at a wedding than on properly hosting your guests.

Dh and i went to a wedding abroad where the wedding was at around 1.30/2pm. After millions of photos of all the guests in the rain and freezing cold weather we headed back to the hotel where we had canapes but there were only about 3 or 4 per person this was about 5pm. We were then all left to hang about in the hotel, no room for us to use and no seating so we were all standing around in corridors/reception area of hotel and it was getting later and later. The staff kept walking past us with plates of food for the restaurant, which was packed, but there was still no sign of when we were getting fed. Eventually at about 8.30/45pm we were all taken to a big room all set up with tables and we had our meal. There were 5 courses 3 of which were fish, I don't eat fish so until it got to the main course which was duck I just had to sit and watch everyone else eat. the meal eventually finished about 11pm I remember them coming round with coffee and petits fours at 11.45pm by which point I was well on the way to being rather drunk having discovered that the wine was free and barely having eaten anything all day.

Last year when we went to dh's cousins wedding I quizzed the mother of the bride to find out times of the meal etc to avoid a repeat performance. Again there was a lot of hanging around with no seats! but at least we got fed at a reasonable time.

Hedgehog I would be starving if I only had 3 finger sandwiches, 1 scone, 1 fairy cake and some fruit at a wedding lasting 8 hours. Especially as I'm not keen on scones and can get picky about acceptable sandwich fillings.

The other thing - wedding's at 1pm. Chances are people will be getting ready / travelling to wedding at their normal lunchtime. Some people might not eat an early lunch, assuming they'll get a proper feed after the wedding, and be extra hungry as a result.

Can't you say something about people getting really hungry, or that they might not have thought to have a big pre-wedding lunch? At least suggest that she tells guests the food plans so they know to eat well before the wedding and bring extra food with them

Do those having a hog roast realise there are people like me who gag at thought of eating pork in a roll, even the smell of the carcass on the spit makes me heave.

The only reason anyone enjoys going to a wedding is because of the food, booze and possibly catching up with family and friends. I'm afraid a cream tea and pork in a bun would be worse than staying home, watching Netflix and eating baked beans on toast!

I went off hog roasts after one gave me food poisoning.

But to be fair, lots of people seem to like them.

Personally ,and I know everyone can do as they please but what's wrong with ,sit down meal and I stress meal after the photographs are taken followed by buffet on the evening .Its not difficult is it.Obviously I'm taking about wedding that take up the majority of the day and all evening . Any cake ,desserts,sweet tables would be in addition to this surely ?

I just can't bare selfishness and people who don't give others a thought.Some b&g' seem to think guests are privileged just to be attending their wedding and don't seem to think guests are doing them a favour by coming in the first place as what's a wedding without guests.Unless you specifically choose not to have many/any guests of course .All this 'budget' talk gets me a bit annoyed as why get married if you cannot afford to cater to your guests needs properly ?I know it would be my number one priority,surely everyone wants happy guests .It seems like it's just me me me for a lot of couples these days which is really sad.Food doesn't have to be expensive and if you are on a 'budget' then have less guests ,have no evening do,have a smaller wedding party ,cheaper hen and stag etc but nope ,food and drink seems to be bottom of the list.

The no food if it is known to all before they go is OK to me, it's the burger van I find strange.

Unless it's how the couple met.

I want to list this on these forums

Why do wedding hosts not realise that THE ONLY thing that guests care about is enough food and drink , somewhere comfortable to sit and preferably decent entertainment .

NO ONE cares about your theme, the invitations matching the place cards, the thousands you have spent on flowers , your dress, the attendants outfits and matching designers shoes , the doves, the amusing speeches , the uniqueness of the favours and the style of the table decorations . Cakes and sweets are NOT an alternative to a meal - they are an alternative to DESSERT after a meal .

NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR PHOTOS OR VIDEO

I cannot remember the outfits worn by anyone in the bridal party at any of the 50 or so weddings I have attended ( expect the ones in which I was in the bridal party ) . Unless the outfits are truly awful, no one will remember .

Now if you are the B&G , it's fine for you to care about these things. But if you want people to enjoy your wedding , pay attention FIRST to the food, drink, comfort and entertainment of your guests . Otherwise we will think That you are rude and selfish and post on MN about you .

Well said Kr1stina

We had a lovely wedding - and as we also budgeted proper meals, all of us and our guests had a lovely time. The food was simple, but very delicious... even people mention to us now, in 10 years time, that it was the best ever food they had. Well, you will never do that after this scone wedding...

Going back to what hedgehog said about the mother of the bride thinking people should be grateful for what they get. As a guest, I would be enraged. How about reversing that sentiment and offering a paultry figure per attendee as a present to the b&g?! I'm sure hedgehogs friends parents would be outraged. Sorry but if the parents won't cough up a proper meal, then it boils down to the b&g doing it themselves. In this situation and to keep costs to a minimum, I'd serve a few canapés then a buffet dinner with the wedding cake for pudding. Obviously it's different if the b&g are on a budget and have asked for help and it doesn't sound like this is the case. The sense of entitlement of these people is astounding.

Maybe a lot of people have never organised anything as big as a wedding and don't have a clue? Then they go by Don't tell the Bride and think they should concentrate on the venue, dress and all the trimmings. Food is always an afterthought on DTTB if it's mentioned at all.

Hedgehog that just seems like a lot of detail, 3 finger sandwiches, one scone, one fairy cake. Unless you were intimately involved in the organisation I'd have expected you to know they were planning to serve an afternoon tea.

In my home country people gather at the bride or groom's place, get a table full of finger food to keep them going as the weddings are usually at lunch time. Then a proper meal that lasts most of the afternoon and a light supper to tidy them over for the evening.
If you want to cut on food, have your wedding at 3pm and send everyone home by 6pm.
Or have the wedding at 10pm.

it's the burger van I find strange
I'd assume a vintage van like so - www.thevintagecateringcompany.com

Rather than - www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/162060466659?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=122&googleloc=1006959&poi=&campaignid=207297426&device=m&adgroupid=13585920426&rlsatarget=pla-75952154106&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0-L&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=122&ul_ref=http%253A%252F%252Frover.ebay.com%252Frover%252F1%252F710-134428-41853-0%252F2%253Fipn%253Dicep%2526icep_id%253D67%2526mtid%253D1673%2526kwid%253D1%2526crlp%253D50600204586_563391%2526icep_item_id%253D162060466659%2526itemid%253D162060466659%2526icep_meta_categ_id%253D12576%2526icep_etrs%253DN%2526icep_epid%253D0%2526icep_ctlg%253D-999%2526icep_cond%253D%2526targetid%253D75952154106%2526rpc%253D0.00%2526rpc_upld_id%253D999%2526device%253Dm%2526icep_msku_flag%253Dn%2526icep_cbt%253Dn%2526adtype%253Dpla%2526googleloc%253D1006959%2526poi%253D%2526campaignid%253D207297426%2526adgroupid%253D13585920426%2526rlsatarget%253Dpla-75952154106%2526gclid%253DCj0KEQjwx7u5BRC1lePz2biJpIYBEiQA-ZeDmlA779FeGA2Q5Zj7TlZSQ8IM3_hPC6mlvejTq0vX08AaAslD8P8HAQ%2526srcrot%253D710-134428-41853-0%2526rvr_id%253D1026781339468&limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=122&chn=ps&googleloc=1006959&poi=&campaignid=207297426&device=m&adgroupid=13585920426&rlsatarget=pla-75952154106&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0-L&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=122&ul_ref=http%253A%252F%252Frover.ebay.com%252Frover%252F1%252F710-134428-41853-0%252F2%253Fipn%253Dicep%2526icep_id%253D67%2526mtid%253D1673%2526kwid%253D1%2526crlp%253D50600204586_563391%2526icep_item_id%253D162060466659%2526itemid%253D162060466659%2526icep_meta_categ_id%253D12576%2526icep_etrs%253DN%2526icep_epid%253D0%2526icep_ctlg%253D-999%2526icep_cond%253D%2526targetid%253D75952154106%2526rpc%253D0.00%2526rpc_upld_id%253D999%2526device%253Dm%2526icep_msku_flag%253Dn%2526icep_cbt%253Dn%2526adtype%253Dpla%2526googleloc%253D1006959%2526poi%253D%2526campaignid%253D207297426%2526adgroupid%253D13585920426%2526rlsatarget%253Dpla-75952154106%2526gclid%253DCj0KEQjwx7u5BRC1lePz2biJpIYBEiQA-ZeDmlA779FeGA2Q5Zj7TlZSQ8IM3_hPC6mlvejTq0vX08AaAslD8P8HAQ%2526srcrot%253D710-134428-41853-0%2526rvr_id%253D1026781339468&ul_noapp=true

Mom of the bride. My wedding was for 120. I've regularly catered parties at my home for 40 with many staying over and fed them the next morning before sending them on their way. No way is that enough food for a booze fuelled afternoon.

hedgehog my guests had that much to eat as canapés before the meal We were married at 1, sweet and savoury canapés at 2 (and yes a sweetie bar which was very popular), tea coffee and mulled wine, 3 course meal with wine and beer at 4, hog roast with rolls, salad, veggie sausages and chocolate wedding cake and cream at 9 (hog roast well away from the bar so nobody had to gag, though I must say that wasn't something I had considered.) A wedding needs FOOD and lots of it.

My veggie friend went to a wedding, the 'starter' was a shot of raspberry vodka, then there were self assembly wraps (1 wrap per person), no veggie option, and the dessert was a tiny bit of wedding cake. Friend can't remember anything past about 7pm she was so drunk.

My cousin was talking about her wedding plans, she was marrying at 1 and planned the meal for 7, we all had faces. Fair play to her, she took it on board and organised a highly impressive buffet in a pub next to the church for straight after the service. Top wedding, crisis averted.

Agree kristina especially re the no one cares about your photos or video. I went to an evening do which was spent watching the wedding video on a screen with a plate of nibbles. No disco, dancing, mingling or anything, just the video of people I didn't know or care about.

I am always starving at a wedding. At a traditional wedding I would have breakfast as normal then get ready then travel then there's the ceremony, the waiting around, the photos, the travel to the venue, the waiting around, a couple of drinks, the waiting, then usually/hopefully the meal by which time it could be seven or eight hours since I last ate and at a catholic wedding maybe even longer as the ceremony lasts forever.

I know that Jane, just musing on why so many people apparently don't prioritise the comfort and wellbeing of their guests.

I do understand that most people have not planned an event for ? 150 people before .

But unless you are unwell, most people eat more than a sandwich and a fairy cake between 12 noon and 10:30 pm . So why would you invite people to a wedding between 1-9:30 and only give them a small snack ?

Would you invite someone to spend the day and evening at your house and only serve that ?

Yanbu I went to a wedding like this- it was very hard to enjoy when we were given cucumber sticks and a couple of sandwiches all day. People remember the food and it should be provided

Oh I see momofthebride I didnt understand that from your post, glad we're on the same page.

I don't understand it at all. It's common sense that if you invite people you feed them. It does seem as though some people see the catering as somewhere they can cut down.