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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

close to death giving birth...

330 replies

ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 09:58

im coming up 38 weeks pregnant. me and bf was talking generally about the birth. im having home birth and was telling him how midwife was saying how if i have to be transfered to hospital it could take upto 30 mins for an ambulance... he said thats rubbish they would get it there within a few mins or so. Then he started going on about how when you give birth your very close to death. of course i know there is a risk when giving birth. i said you can say that about alot of things there are risks in everything. i was trying to tone it down a bit. but he kept going on. it pissed me of because its not something i really want to hear when im not far of giving birth. so was he being unreasonble to be saying them things or am i being over sensitive

OP posts:

Alfieisnoisy · 06/05/2016 16:38

ghost take a look at Angela Horn's Homebirth Reference site. I am not sure how often she updates this now but it's a fantastic source of research and info about various issues and Homebirth. There are a whole load of research articles about having a Homebirth if you are on baby number 4 or above. I think Angela had four babies (or possibly 5) at home and her site is well worth a read.

www.homebirth.org.uk

Alfieisnoisy · 06/05/2016 16:38

She has had SIX at home....last one in 2010

Offred · 06/05/2016 16:41

The most basic thing you can do is ask the midwife and the consultant why they are advising what they are. What it is based on.

How can you choose properly if you have no idea about the risks and are just picking the advice of one or other person to trust?

Alfieisnoisy · 06/05/2016 16:41

And a final quote here from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists

This is from 2002 so they may have updated if there is more recent research.

"In a developed country with satisfactory health care conditions, grandmultiparity should not be considered dangerous, and risk assessment should be based on past and present history and not simply on the basis of parity"

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 16:42

to me consultant is saying no to home birth... midwife is saying home birth is ok.

i dont know why an amulance would take 30 mins part from they are out on other calls. im 10 mins from the hospital by car.

it would be so much more helpful if i knew what my bloods were. i cant find that out till tuesday. they have not done my bloods since before the infusions so we dont even know what it has done.

and the midwife said if my iron levels were not low we would not even be having the discussion. but consultant said even if my iron was normal she still dont want me to have a home birth. both very opposite.

i think i do understand whats going on. its just that i have decised to go with what the midwife has said rather than the consultant

OP posts:

Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 16:45

It sounds to me as though the difference of opinion is based on different training and philosophy; A Midwifery v Obstetrics divide. You can see it right through this thread.

Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 16:49

And yes, you've decided to go with the MW view, which is not a shocker from a HB veteran TBH.

If you were my DD/DSis/Best friend I'd just want to know that you knew what the consultant's warning was based on but it doesn't sound as though she offered a specific reason. I'm not sure where that leaves you, really.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 16:49

offered i feel like im making the desion based on my past history of giving birth and everything being fine. and no history of blood lose.

alfie the consultant was not happy with my having home birth because its number 6. so that in its self makes me pull more towards what the midwife is saying because she is looking at (my) history and how its been for me and not oh this is number 6= risky but actually looking how my body has coped with having each baby.

i will defo look at the link thank you

OP posts:

Offred · 06/05/2016 16:51

You don't understand properly. It is clear. You are just going with what the midwife has said. You haven't taken in and understood the advice from both, looked into it and decided to make a decision that is right for you in an informed way.

You can and should have the ultimate decision but you should also be aware that it is quite important for you to understand the decision you are making properly.

I don't think your baby or you are likely to come to harm. What is way more likely is that you will plan the HB and there is no way they will let you actually deliver at home. they will transfer you at the slightest issue.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 16:53

just5 to me it feels like her reason is this is number 6. because she said even with out the low iron i would not recomend a home birth with number 6. so either way she would say no anyway.

and then the midwife that the consultant asked me to speak to said she felt im ok for a home birth and spoke about my history and the things we have done in the mean time to help with things. so for me she kind of had a reason to say she felt it was ok and it made sense.

but with the consulatant it was simply its number 6

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 06/05/2016 16:56

The op's present history includes significant anaemia. This is her sixth baby and the last delivery is what a year ago? She has a history of delivering quickly too. She has risk factors. No point pretending she doesn't.

Offred · 06/05/2016 16:59

You need to ask the HCP's why they are giving the advice they are and what the risks are and actually look at them yourself, particularly the anaemia which you have never had treated before. You could ask for the records of your anaemia in the past and ask why the treatment now etc.

You simply can't say 'it was always fine before'. You need to look into why people are saying it is not fine now. What could go wrong etc, what your options are then etc

If you do that and still feel HB is best then that's a much improved situation for you and the baby.

Offred · 06/05/2016 17:02

Some HCPs are interventionist and twitchy, some are non-interventionist and biased. You are the one who is making the decision and IMO it is you who needs to get all of the information about why the consultant recommends hospital - consultants can have much poor com skills. You can't just ignore it without finding out why it has been suggested and what the basis for the suggestion is how it fits into the midwife's opinion.

Offred · 06/05/2016 17:05

You will have been categorised the same way with no5. A consultant that thinks blankety women on no6 should not give birth at home will also think that about no5 so you need to find out why there are concerns this time.

None of that means you cannot have or plan the HB. It is about making sure the choice to have the HB is properly informed and you are fully aware of all the risks/options/plans/procedures if things go wrong.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 06/05/2016 17:06

But your history doesn't really matter. It's not an indication of future labours.

When you had your last baby it wasn't your sixth baby. With every baby you have the risk of haemorrhage increases.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 06/05/2016 17:08

Offred · 06/05/2016 17:10

Well, your history is part of what matters... But not as much as what is going on in this pregnancy.

I have experienced HCPs making stuff up to try and force me out of being able to have a HB. I do know that happens but you simply cannot decide that is what is happening without listening to and understanding the concerns being raised.

Buckinbronco · 06/05/2016 17:10

God this has taken ages to post but the level for a blood transfusion is 7. No way are you wandering around at 4.2.

I do agree that people saying they would've died at home wouldn't have been at home at that point. I am terrified of going back to hospital after my last birth and I had a PPH caused by medical staff so definitely wouldn't have happened at home!

But, OP, you seem totally clueless

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 17:12

she might have thought that about number 5, i did have an appointment to see consultant but never made it as i went into labour

OP posts:

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 17:16

i would not say i was totaly clueless.... as midwife is saying its ok. so is she clueless to?

OP posts:

Buckinbronco · 06/05/2016 17:17

You're not even sure who she is!

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 17:17

not helpful ....

OP posts:

Offred · 06/05/2016 17:21

No-one is clueless but birth is unpredictable. The midwife may be under pressure to increase HB and reduce time spent on delivery because of funding. The consultant may have seen too many bad things happen and fee twitchy about any risk at all. You simply don't know because you don't even really have the full picture about the anaemia, why you are under consultant care this time etc

Original poster

ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 17:24

yes i agree it would be helpful to at least know what my iron levels were now.

OP posts:

Offred · 06/05/2016 17:26

That's what I would be pushing for TBH - as much info as possible about why each side is recommending what they are and then do some reading of credible sources about the objective risks then discuss with HCPs.

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