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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

close to death giving birth...

330 replies

ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 09:58

im coming up 38 weeks pregnant. me and bf was talking generally about the birth. im having home birth and was telling him how midwife was saying how if i have to be transfered to hospital it could take upto 30 mins for an ambulance... he said thats rubbish they would get it there within a few mins or so. Then he started going on about how when you give birth your very close to death. of course i know there is a risk when giving birth. i said you can say that about alot of things there are risks in everything. i was trying to tone it down a bit. but he kept going on. it pissed me of because its not something i really want to hear when im not far of giving birth. so was he being unreasonble to be saying them things or am i being over sensitive

OP posts:
MrsHardy1 · 06/05/2016 13:19

Depends how he said it. Is he worried or just against a homebirth? 30minutes from the nearest hospital would would me too, tbh.

My dp did something similar. Had a c-section, surgeon talked us through the procedure and risks and mention there was a very small chance of death. When he left my dp clutched my hand and said "what if you die?". Also nearly fainted at the sight of the spinal.

Even if it was said out of concern, don't expect him to a good birthing partner.

PortiaCastis · 06/05/2016 13:23

Let us know how you get on ghosty

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 13:39

He said it in an odd way like he was having a pop at me. But then saying back in the old days :/

Yes will let you know how it gos. Infusion was meant to be at 10. Did not get out of there till 1.15. And now I'm waiting for consultant appointment that was as half one more poor 1 year old been stuck in his buggy all day

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 14:35

Oh dear :( consultant does not want me to have home birth because it's my 6th baby even if iron is ok.

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 06/05/2016 14:48

OP instead of thinking "Oh no the consultant is not happy to recommend the birth I want" try to think "Thank goodness the consultant has noticed what could be a serious problem with the birth I want and luckily there is a safer alternative". He is not suggesting a hospital birth to make your life difficult but to be able to help in case of complications. Can you identify what worries you about the possibility of a hospital birth? Then it might be easier to address your concerns.

Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 15:03

So is he/she suggesting a midwife-led unit?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 15:06

Well she referred me to see someone else and she disagreed with the consultant. And said she's happy for me to have home birth

OP posts:
mmmminx · 06/05/2016 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 15:09

Straight after? Who was that?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 15:15

The consultant did. I thought she meant as in another appointment but she said she will get her now. But she said if I was going to hemorage it would have happend my other births. And that my unterus works well. And that I have done all the things I have been asked. Which is same as senior midwife said when she done home visit

OP posts:
mmmminx · 06/05/2016 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alfieisnoisy · 06/05/2016 15:19

ghost most consultants will not want you to have a home birth with a sixth baby. They do this by looking at general risks rather than you and your baby as an individual case. So the risks of bleeding post part up inccrease with each baby but they increase massively if you have a past history of bleeding and if you end up having a lot of interference during birth for whatever reason.
As an ex-midwife I have helped a few women birth their babies at home but would always have referred them into hospital if the labour started to go slowly (very very slowly) or there were other concerns as this is when the risks increase. If you have had five previous babies with no complications and minimal bleeding afterwards then the chances are that you will do so again.
I would also suggest preparing yourself for a rapid labour, especially if you have been quick with the others.

The midwife will carry drugs to help minimise bleeding in the third stage of labour but these are not a magic cure. You would do well to listen to the Consultant but then go and do your own research too and see if that advice applies in your own case.

You and the Consultant both want the same outcome here...a healthy you and baby.

Yes catastrophic events can occur in any labour and your risk of a big bleed is higher now than it was with your first baby but your history will tell you how likely you are to experience that. Your risk can be higher but still very small...if that makes sense.

witsender · 06/05/2016 15:31

How is this all happening so quickly? Essentially no-one can stop you having a home birth. But the consultant was right to say that for a 6th child, a HB would be deemed high risk. What you do with that knowledge is up to you.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 15:33

i did not quite hear who she was... she was 'something' midwife. consulatant said she wanted me to talk to her so i agreed. and as above she said i have no history of heavy bleeding everything has always been straight forward. and that i seem very healthy in myself. and also we have to be prepared for home birth because of the speed of things. and she also said the consulant was being over cautouse. i thought professionals normally agreed with each other it seems not.

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Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 15:34

im not sure what you mean by happening so quickly

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Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 15:36

i thought professionals normally agreed with each other

Good god no! (They pretend to a lot of the time, though Smile Not so much midwives v obstetricians, I gather)

So what do you think about it all?

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 15:44

just5 im going with the midwife. im thinking... i dont have any history of heavy bleeding. midwife says utrus works as it should. i have been doing the infusions and b12 injections. they have the tablets to help with bleeding (if) needed. plus she said the jab in the thigh helps. plus the midwifes carry stuff with them if something does happen to buy time whilst waiting for help. but given i have no bad history and its all been straight forward im still goign for the home birth

OP posts:
Offred · 06/05/2016 16:16

Your BF is a dick.

TBH I think the single most dangerous thing in this whole thread is that you are clearly and obviously NOT making an informed decision. You seem to understand very little about the conditions and the risks and are being given conflicting instructions by different HCP.

What they all should be doing is explaining everything that is happening and what the risks/concerns are so that you understand. You should be supplementing that info with your own reading of scientific studies and NICE guidance if you are considering a home birth when you are high risk.

No matter what one midwife told you you are factually not low risk. This is your 6th, you are very anaemia, you are clearly under consultant care. You are not low tis and you are not being treated as though you are low risk.

I am generally opposed to none necessary interventions, though I feel women should be informed and make informed choices and if they want unnecessary interventions they should be able to choose them.

I've had a HB and had twins in MLU. I cried in bed for two weeks when I found out it was twins partly because I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable with the risks of having the HB I had wanted.

You have the right to choose but by failing to ensure you are making an informed choice and giving you the information and the tools to do that. Uninformed choices as well as unpredictable emergencies are what are dangerous in maternity services.

Mov1ngOn · 06/05/2016 16:17

Bluecarpet. I wonder if you worked on me. I was someone (who had planned a hb but went v overdue!) who went to icu after a huge pph. Still feel panicky at times thinking about it.

Splendide. Oxytocin injections may help slow down a small bleed but doesn't at all with a huge pph. People don't end up in icu that could have been stopped by an injection!

Offred · 06/05/2016 16:18

*but the HCPs are failing you by

Offred · 06/05/2016 16:21

And if you struggle with understanding scientific language etc and the HCPs don't have time to go through things with you in detail I would look into finding a doula who has knowledge and experience of working in/with scientific data who will have time to go through things with you and help you understand.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 06/05/2016 16:30

al this is starting to really confuse me... my understanding is midwife is happy for me to have a home birth and i have made the choice to go with that

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 06/05/2016 16:32

You sound like you don't really have a clue what's happening OP. Maybe you should speak to the doctor again.

Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 16:33

Ultimately it is your decision ghost.

If your mind is mind is made up for a HB, you might want to give your OH a stern talking to and find out WHY an ambulance would take 30 mins and if that includes transfer time to hospital or just time to get to you in the first place?

Just5minswithDacre · 06/05/2016 16:36

Presumably that was a senior (consultant?) midwife you just spoke to after the obs consultant. Did they both give you their email addresses or mobile phone numbers in case you had questions?

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