To be furious with this teacher.

[AlarmBells]

Sorry this is a bit long but I need a rant!

So, but of background, ds who's 8 has had a difficult relationship with school. We've been in a few times to talk about behaviour. (Attitude, talking back, arguing in class)

Every time we've been in I've tried my best to be supportive. I don't agree with punishing children twice for offenses, but I have a stern talk with him when we get home and we talk about what's triggering it, and how me and the teacher can help him.

We were called in again today, another frustrating session. Apparently DS swore and shouted at a boy in class, who (and the teacher admitted it) had been annoying him by sticking his tongue out and making noises at him.

She says he'she's often rude and talks back consistently...he says the other kids in class are always annoying him. I asked what was being done about that and teacher smiled patronisingly, rolled her eyes and said she's had a word with the parents and the children. She then turned to DS and said 'we are talking about YOUR behaviour though' with another smirk.

Anyway, we left, I again promised to talk to DS when home. She saw us to the door. However when she turned back I realised we'd forgotten his book bag, so I caught door as it was closing and nipped back in (DS stayed outside).

I was just outside the class room and heard this exchange.

' Do you have a brick wall I can bag my head against'
'Is it xxxxx again?'
'Oh God, he's just so rude! And his mum thinks he sh*ts gold, that's the problem! He just gets home and whines to mummy he's being picked on and she laps up every word! Funny how he only does that when he gets a bollocking. Little shit'
'What are you going to do?'
'She sounds like she's making screechy sound from psycho, they laugh'.

I quickly and quietly get out, but I'm still fuming. Totally unprofessional, yes? I know they thought I was out the building, but still. I now know a few things:

1. She has talked about my son like this before.
2. she refers to children as 'little shits'
3. She is completely two faced
4. she has no regards for ds's feelings during all this.

What's my next move? Feeling distraught. May email head tonight/ tommorow morning.

email headteacher immidiately.
Formal complaint
Ask for DS to change class

I don't know about banning anything starting today... But like I said, I have received the message somewhat. I will start something.

He's my DS, only me and him. Hard not to be on his side. I like people's suggestions of going in and trying to change the plan, I.e break up the day. He does find 6 hours (at least in school) hard to deal with so maybe breaking it up would be better.

Alarm I would leave this thread now and maybe tomorrow start a new one in parenting asking for advice as to how to deal with this and move forward. You've has a nasty shock and people are going to keep responding to your OP and not see your updates.

I think people on this thread are being way harsh. This child is only 8 and is obviously finding school very difficult. I am surprised to hear everyone blaming the little boy instead of what may be behind his behaviour. If he has such a short fuse, it sounds to me like there is something else going on.

I'd look at what he is accessing on the Internet, and the cartoons he watches as well.

I've noticed my children are ruder when they've been watching crap American cartoons like adventure time. So I banned them.

Both my children get punished at home for bad behaviour at school. They lose a privilege such as an amount of pocket money - they have to be respectful, complete their work, and be on "green" to receive their full pocket money. They also have kindle/laptop/tv time restricted

I have a son with ASD. He has been suspended, he has been violent, he has been disruptive.

But every single time the teacher called me in, they knew I was on their side, and we had a united front in helping DS. It's meant we haven't had a suspension for six months, and he has an amazing class behaviour now. It's taken years, but you can't let school do all your parenting.

Teaching him to behave well doesn't mean you're not on his side.

The teacher is human, your son obviously has a proper attitude, it was a conversation and not for your ears, perhaps you need to teach your child how to behave.

What internet priviliges does your son have?

Isn't 8 a bit young for the internet?

It is a nasty shock, a very nasty shock.

I am sure the school would be delighted and very helpful though if you went to ask for assistance with him in school setting.

Swearing, talking back, being disruptive in class are not acceptable.

Its important that he understands that, has boundaries and you and the school agree appropriate measures for when this happens. Lets face it this wont stop overnight but it can stop if you work together.

Fair enough you don't want too punish twice but if you and school have a scale of punishment that your DS is aware of then each incident can be punished on an agreed increasing level of severity. From class exclusion, missed breaktime, missed activity, missed home privalledge etc.

Could a home school book be appropriate for a while?

Your son could do with some assistance in learning to manage being provoked. If he has a short fuse he's at a good age to learn to manage it. You could even have a reward system if he manages to not be provoked i.e. Each half day of good behaviour. Carrot and stick.

Could you work with the school on a system of allowing him an exit when he's feeling the rage coming over him. Can he be allowed to have an exit card he waves or a squish ball to help relieve the tension he feels?

Each exclusion needs to be acknowledged by him as inappropriate behaviour. He needs to understand that it was his behaviour that excluded him. Others behaving badly is not an excuse. He needs to look at why each incident built, how it built and possible actions he could have taken to prevent it getting to the bad stage. Each day needs to start with a clean sheet to give him fresh opportunity to improve.

Its a tough thread to be the OP on, but hes only young and things can turn around if you work with the school.

Betty what an awful post I am reporting it.

The teacher was unprofessional

However, she is being tested by a disruptive 8 year old your son.

You both need to take action. Her to act more professionally. You to take more ownership of your sons persistent bad behaviour. They aren't isolated incidents. His behaviour as a whole needs to be addressed.

I would email the head for a meeting. Say you want him to improve and mean it and see if the school have any suggestions to address his challenging behaviour and guidance on how he can treat adults with more respect. The teacher should apologise to you and you should both move on and work together to sort out his behavioural issues.

OP with all due respect, you need to start on a routine and such asap. Not just when he next acts up. Behaviour chart etc, done in a fun way so he sees the rewards he is working towards.

Jesus, bettyapplewhite I hope you never get to be anywhere near kids. What an unpleasant post.

If he has such a short fuse, it sounds to me like there is something else going on

Not necessarily.

Sometimes it is because they are used to getting their own way and don't like it when they don't.

Sounds like you want to be his friend more than his parent. You are getting the responses here because I think maybe people have been on the receiving end of people like your ds, whether directly or indirectly. And no one likes someone who behaves like this. Time to step up massively and start actually parenting.

Betty you're just fucking about on a couple of threads tonight behaving like a twat, huh?

OP you say you are on your own with your son. Where is his father? Has it always been just the two of you?
Kids often misbehave like this when they are unhappy.

Some posters are going way over the top here calling your son a shit.
He is an 8 year old with some behavioural difficulties, you need to get to the root cause.

we talk about what's triggering it, and how me and the teacher can help him

It does sound as if you're giving your son the impression that it's not his fault he's losing his temper and everyone else's responsility to calm him down. No wonder he's disrespectful to his teacher.

However, well done for taking on board what others are saying and I hope you learn to deal with him. It's in HIS best interests to learn to control his temper, as he'll end up with few friends if he can't.

Jesus Betty that's an awful thing to say. Reported.

You're always going to be on your son's side. Thats being a mum. It's just that sometimes being on their side means challenging them

^^ this

Oh dear,poor teacher.

Can't believe some of the responses on this thread. A teacher is swearing about a child in their care, and calling them a shit. I work with children with behavioral difficulties and I've never heard a colleague speak about children in this way in work. Maybe in the pub after work with your friends or over dinner with DP, really it's incredibly unprofessional.

Alarm I only have a 2yo so can't provide constructive ideas but your last post really struck me. You have to realise, and he has to realise that by disciplining him and showing him that this behaviour is unacceptable, you ARE showing him you are on his side.

Kids need boundaries and the rest of the world needs your boy to have boundaries so he can understand how he fits, get the best out of himself and others and do well in life.