Why do people on here question EVERYTHING?

[JenniferYellowShat]

OP - I think I'm being stood up

Replies - You are needy and desperate.

OP - My tenants are constantly late with their rent

Replies - It's your fault for renting your place. Expect them to do this, put up and shut up.

OP - I saw a man on the ground being hit by several police officers last night. WWYD?

Replies - But how could you have seen? It was dark. How could you see how many times he was hit? YABU
[answer - because I have eyes]

How can you tell who is prolific? Someone could namechange hourly and be prolific.

Sometimes I think people find it easier to blame those who don't name change, rather than see the massive number of people who post for a couple weeks, behave like an arse and then just name change.

What's striking about so many of the posters who get furious at being ''interrogated' or 'deliberately misunderstood', is that they really seem to assume they have full and final rights to control the way other people interpret their words. If they make a statement, everyone must accept it, at face value.

It's like this is social media: you're posting some pouting, filtered, distorted selfie, and if anyone says 'that doesn't look real', you just delete their comment. Except (and thank fuck) it doesn't work that way on MN.

We should just introduce a Validations section, where you type your post and a bunch of automated replies say OMG YES and TOTALLY and 4GET THE HATERZ.

I will never ever forget a thread on here a few years ago where the OP posted for support after having been subjected to a sustained sexual assault by her abusive partner in the kitchen of their home, while her DCs were watching CBeebies in the other room.

Two or three posters ganged up against her and gave her a really hard time for letting her DCs watch CBeebies and sticking them in front of the telly unsupervised

It was the most WTF thing I've ever seen on here. And it pretty much sums up AIBU for me.

Whenever I see spectacular obtuseness and missing of the point on this board, I always think of that thread.

Questioning everything is a good idea.

People present their story and say only the things that they think are important.

In order for us to understand what's really going on and give good advice or suggestions we need to know more than that or else we can only come to the same conclusions that they have already thought of.

We need to ask what about...? and have you thought of...? and what was your reasoning for doing X...? if we are to get a fuller picture.

Sometimes we don't use those exact words of course, and sometimes the phrasing is less neutral.

It's the reason that reverse AIBUs never work - you don't have enough understanding of the other person's behaviour and thinking.

Wtf Damage?! That's awful!

The trouble is that we've all been bitten by investing in a thread only to discover it was a load of cobblers, so we become that much more sceptical every time we read some apparently dramatic OP.

But certainly the way some posters almost deliberately misinterpret things solely for the fun of attacking people is way over the top.

I get you op.

There are a vast amount of posters who assume that every badly behaved anti social child must have a medical condition which means they absolutely have to behave like that at all times. That there is no way on this earth that they could ever learn acceptable behaviour. Seriously that is bollocks but woa betide any poster who dares to suggest that shit parenting may lie behind shit behaviour by the child.

Compared this to a poster having a quiet moan about not being able to get a
Parent and child parking spot and the vitriol which is thrown at the poster is vile. I've seen comments along the lines of stay at home and order on line. Keep your children at home and how come you can't carry 3 young children across a busy car park etc.

Jen I am sorry you're feeling a bit jaded with MN atm

Ho hum though at the cries from elsewhere bemoaning regs/prolifics. Same old same old. Plus ca change as them Gauls say.

I do also think that there is a whole cabal of posters who only ever post in AIBU, who think they have the right to tear other posters to shreds. How many times have you seen 'well, you've posted in AIBU, what do you expect?' as justification for vile posts and insults.

emily that's not strictly true. The P&C parking threads usually descend into a rabble because there is always someone who thinks that disabled people shouldn't park in them, even if there isn't a disabled parking space available. Also, some people can just be plain ridiculous on them.

There are some absolute wankers on here at the moment. I'm trying my best to not get sucked in.

Funny thread.
Why are you questioning this?

It might be time to hide a few topics if you feel jaded. I had AIBU hidden as a whole topic for a while and it was great. Plus hide threads as you go along.

what makes you say that? have you read "every" thread on mumsnet? how long have you felt it's all about you and your "feelings"?

HTH

I can only think a lot of people don't trust themselves. Or can't be asked to google.

I know I'm desperately insecure & make all kinds of bad decisions, but it's rare I ask much on MN because I still trust my own judgement more than the hive mind!! I often am tempted to post "YABU to even ask that" along with "Ignore the GFrs & do what you YOU want"

Damage we are clearly BU in failing to understand that some posters are perfect and never let their children do anything so unreasonable. They obviously let their perfection get in the way of their compassion. Tossers.

Another good example is that thread yesterday where the OP had been to a viewing of an HMO up for sale and was disturbed to see a young child living in one room with no bed of its own, a boarded up window and no natural light.

She mentioned as a detail that the parents were wearing pyjamas and were still in bed and so many posters were indignant that OMG LOADS OF PEOPLE ARE STILL IN PYJAMAS AT MIDDAY! LOADS OF PEOPLE CO SLEEP WITH THEIR FIVE YEAR OLDS! YOU'RE SO JUDGEMENTAL!

It was nuts.

The semantic gymnastics some posters will perform to excuse or minimise things that are obviously seriously weird or dangerous or negligent just boggles the mind.

I'm struggling to stay with some of the logic on here...

So the OP should expect robust debate about everything EXCEPT whether the tone of debate on some parts of MN is a bit mental. That's off limits and you should probably just leave.

Righto.

It's the lack of consistency that baffles me - Thread A will have lovely, considered, supportive responses. Thread B, which can be very similar, will have nasty, unnecessary nit-picking and haranguing. There must be some subtle difference in the way the OP is phrased, or a general tone that some people pick up on - but there can be a massive variation in responses to an OP depending on apparently nothing.

I do think it's very often a case of 'it's not what you say it's the way that you say it' on here. Plus a lot of people post supposedly wanting some advice in AIBU and don't really want the advice when it's given. Which is a bit odd.

Paul even so I have seen many , many comments slating a mother for daring to think that mother and baby car parking spaces are for mothers with babies.

Lots of people use disabled spaces and they don't have blue badges. It happens at lot near me as the council no
Longer has the resources to fund a traffic warden.
I also know people who use other people's blue badges to get parking spaces. Yes it might be illegal but it doesn't mean IT doesn't happen.
That's a seperate issue.

There was a thread on here about seats on planes and a poster said that it would serve passengers right if they had to endure her child kicking their seat for the entirety of the flight if they didn't move so that she could sit near her dc. The implication was that the dc could not help kicking a strangers seat. That it was some sort of condition rather than the fact that as a parent you should automatically raise your child not to behave like this.

No doubt posters were on hand agreeing that lots of children have a condition which means that they physically cannot under any circumstances what so ever stop kicking.
Thst indeed it would be unreasonable for anyone to expect to sit on a plane without some stranger kicking the fuck out of their seat.

It depends on the pps.

Consistency can only be expected of individual posters not threads.

But, yes, there can be differences in how people post initially and then respond.

There are some topics which should just be hidden straight away. Why anyone gets embroiled in a P&C space AIBU I will never know. Same with reclining seats on a plane, and cat poo in gardens Those threads all end the same.