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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed DH knows nothing about female anatomy

396 replies

Sproutieboolaa · 01/05/2016 22:04

DH, to whom I've been married for 15 years, and with whom I've had 3 children, was astonished yesterday when I pointed out that a vulva includes 2 holes. I had to show him a diagram.

Aibu to find this really annoying? I mean I had noticed I did all the childbearing work but he clearly didn't bother to look at a single book or website about pregnancy or even pay attention in all those birth classes. I am still cross.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 03/05/2016 11:34

My dh is woefully ignorant about human biology, despite having gone to one of the most academic boys' schools in the country, which still regularly comes in the top 3 for results.
It's probably changed now, but unless they were planning to read medicine at uni, according to him they didn't do biology at all - evidently it was seen as a 'girls' subject' - not like physics and chemistry (irony intended).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/05/2016 11:48

I've never watched were my wee came from, but I always assumed that it came from the clitoris. Clearly it doesn't (and this was well before I knew what a clitoris actually was for) but that was where it felt like it came from. That was until I read a thread not dissimilar to this on MN, that explained that the female urethral opening can vary in where it is situated, and that, in some women, it actually is inside the vaginal canal. But then some women's clitoris is apparently much closer to the vaginal opening than others' as well.

Odd, really. But I wouldn't blame my DH for not knowing any of that.

FlyingScotsman · 03/05/2016 11:54

OP I would have the same issue.
I mean, I'm not a man but I have an idea of how a penis is working and what testicules are for etc... And that despite it having no relationship with my own body.
Somehow it's my DH body (and also my two dcs) so yes, I have taken interest in it. So why can't men/DH do that too?
How would they be able to help and support their dd when she gets her periods and horror of horror, mum isn't there?

And TBH, not having it done at school is NOT a reason in my books. Since when learning has stopped when you leave school? There are plenty of times/reasons to need/want to learn more about the opposite sex body (ie male body for women and female body for men)

stealtheatingtunnocks · 03/05/2016 11:54

Thing is, if you don't know what your bits look like normally, then you won't notice if something changes. That weird skin change could just be a bit of vulval dermatitis, or, it might be vulval cancer.

So, it really is important to know what your normal is.

FlyingScotsman · 03/05/2016 11:55

Thumb that's different from not knowing that the urethra and the vagina are two different things though.....

Pandakitchen · 03/05/2016 12:00

Up until quite recently I just presumed that it was commonly known & like everyone else you know the basics from school anatomy lessons, and just absorbed knowledge.

However, we were chatting one day at lunch about a colleagues sister who had just given birth 'oohing' and 'aaarrhig' over newborn pictures- and she mentioned that it was quite a long labour and she had an episiotomy. A younger male colleague came and joined us just at that point and asked what an episiotomy was.

Gently explained to him & he was then Shock Blush Shock- then exclaiming 'so she has to wee and poo out of the same hole now?' Cue a quick female anatomy lesson and a 'well I never knew that!'

Following this I did ask my DP and he did know how many holes a lady has - but he didn't know what an episiotomy was.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 03/05/2016 12:02

Yes, stealth, but is it possible to be very familiar with what you look like 'normally', but not to have the same sensations as some other women.

It's certainly not a sign of stupidity if people don't know everything about their bodies. Personally, I know almost nothing about the muscle groups in my upper arm area, but I did know enough about my body to notice when I felt a lump near my armpit. It's possible to know about how your body is, but also to recognise that your body isn't quite like the anatomy charts, or like some other women's.

FlyingScotsman · 03/05/2016 12:10

There is a difference between knowing all the details of your body (none of us does, not even consultant who know their areas well but not the others)
And not knowing the basics and this is very much a basic thing for me. I mean a vagina is regularly used at the time of sex.
Your urethra is used everyday and so is the anus.
Not knowing that a penis doesn't go in your urethra is quite a big thing esp if you ever had a catheter put in, you would know that you really don't want something as big as penis up there!

rockchick78 · 03/05/2016 12:37

Wow. I'm shocked at some of these comments...!

falange · 03/05/2016 12:58

YABU. He doesn't need to know. I don't know everything either because I'm not interested. He doesn't need to be interested either.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 03/05/2016 12:59

I mean a vagina is regularly used at the time of sex.

For some people. Not for everyone.

I think there is a risk here, that in trying to tell people what is 'basic', you've instead describe what is 'heteronormative'. Which is fine - most of us are familiar with heterosex - but, you know, it's not actually everyone's experience, and there are women who won't be familiar with what you find to be normal.

pasanda · 03/05/2016 13:03

No 'faux' shock here.

Just 'genuine' shock that NT women don't know this about themselves.

YY to the poster who commented about wee being a waste product made by the kidneys, and people thinking that babies were made in the same place!

Beggars belief really Confused

Oh and Livia - we get that you have a 'couldn't care less' attitude about your body, we really, really do [yawn] but rather than lament people for being 'shocked' try to understand that certain things can make people feel a little bit aghast.

Just aghast at the ignorance of some.

RaqsMax · 03/05/2016 13:33

Years ago when I was nursing on a children's ward, a young girl (10-ish) returned from theatre with a catheter in. Her Iranian grandmother was weeping inconsolably next to her. I asked Mum to reassure Grandma that the op had gone well (her English was rudimentary), but she said that they were both upset for another reason. Although they accepted that the urinary catheter was necessary, in their culture, it was incredibly upsetting that her daughter had now lost her virginity by having the tube inserted.

Cue me getting a diagram of the vagina/vulva and a quick lesson in female anatomy. Result: ecstatic mother/grandmother and hugs all around....

I now work in an FE College and you would be amazed at how many young women do not have a clue about the basics of how their bodies work. Not knowing that you pee out of the urethra and not the vagina is common. LOTS of misconceptions about menstruating, etc. Did YOU know that you ovulate from alternate ovaries each month?!

So...it's not just the fellas that could do with a refresher course....Smile

chilipepper20 · 03/05/2016 13:36

I read an article years ago that men know substantially less about male bodies then women do about female bodies. so this doesn't surprise me.

FlyingScotsman · 03/05/2016 13:40

Robin the OP IS in an heterosexual relationship....
So yes I would expect her DH to know about a vagina and a urethra.

And YY about the fact that some women are just as clueless. Actually worrying TBH.
My great grand mother had similar confusion at the end of her life. My grand was more than annoyed about it. There was a few 'discussions' along the lines of 'You've had children! You should know better than thinking pee is coming from your vagina!!' Grin

EmbraceTheSarcasm · 03/05/2016 13:41

I'm aghast, aghast at the attitude of some who are aghast at the 'ignorance'
Get over yourselves will you. Some women as has been pointed out frequently in this thread, have peed since birth, just know they do, might feel it comes from near their vaginas, might not, but do not and have never felt the need to have a look in a mirror or take anatomy lessons.
I poo out of my bum but I have never felt it necessary to examine it in a mirror. Does that make me ignorant? I think not.
It's interesting and informative to have a look at your vulva in a mirror but I obviously didn't hear that it had become a requirement of femaleness.
Why not use the varied responses to educate yourselves on the rich variety in women's experience and differences in anatomy.
Now maybe that is something to get in a tizz about-the fact that wide variation in female genitals is still not mainstream knowledge and not only accepted but celebrated.

FlyingScotsman · 03/05/2016 13:43

I'm also wondering if this is a 'family' thing. Are women/men who are clueless also have parents who are clueless? So the 'ignorance' or false ideas are passed own generations?

MerryMarigold · 03/05/2016 13:57

Sarcasm, I think you've got on something there. I think it's because it's involving the VAGINA, and whatever you call the bit that wee comes out of, that period are AGHAST! Somehow is not womanly not to know about your womanly parts. But it's ok if you don't know the intricacies of your ear, nose and throat passages, or what your anus looks like in detail.

MerryMarigold · 03/05/2016 13:58

Period? People. Phone predict is obviously on the ball with the subject matter. Grin

CecilyP · 03/05/2016 14:04

Did YOU know that you ovulate from alternate ovaries each month?!

Well, that has a pleasing symetry to it. And, we can't possibly know which ovary we are ovulating from. Yet all of us wee. Even if we have never seen exactly where it comes from, we know that the stream is sufficiently fine, (fine enough to be able to do it in small receptacle) that it must come through a relatively small tube - way too small to accommodate even the smallest tampon, let alone a penis. Even if the opening is right at the front of the vagina, or even in it, it is still another hole.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/05/2016 14:09

There seems to be a divide on this thread between people who think that not knowing how your body works indicates a gap in children's (and adult's) education which needs to be addressed, and people who think that not knowing how your body works is something to be celebrated as part of life's rich tapestry.

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 03/05/2016 14:26

flying - I know she is. Confused

My point is that, despite being a woman in a homosexual relationship, I have never actually noticed where the urethra is on my female partner - which is fairly normal!

This idea that everyone automatically notices these details of anatomy is incorrect. There is a great deal of physical variation, and what is obvious to one woman may not be obvious to another.

4Roseycheeks · 03/05/2016 15:39

So long as blokes known where our clitoris' are, keep them in the dark regarding all orifices , you know men, show them a hole and they get all excited. It's called Golf War Syndrome

pasanda · 03/05/2016 15:48

CecilyP - very good point. Wee comes out in a very small stream. Tampons are much wider than that. And so what if you have never used a tampon before, you must walk around with your eyes closed if you are not aware what they look like (pathetic if you don't tbh).

Un fucking believable some people.

pasanda · 03/05/2016 15:51

MerryMarigold, not bothered that we're discussing VAGINA's either. Seen hundreds of the things. Put my fingers up hundreds of them. Catheterised lots and lots.

So, really, that's not at all the reason why I can't quite believe people are so ignorant of their own bodies.

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