To worry I've turned into the attachment mum horror

[ASAS]

So, as a seasoned MNer I'm asking you lovely lot to judge me as tbh I know I'll get the truth.

My DS. Darling Son. Without droning on we attachment parent because honestly I just assumed that's what everyone was doing, comfort him when he cries, let him explore, respond to his cues etc etc. I just thought that's how we (all parents) did it. I kind of still do as I genuinely rarely see a shouty mum, we're all quite new age and chilled aren't we?! Anyway, that was background to let you know I don't see my parenting as that unusual.

My son is now 4 and wonderful. Me, however, not so wonderful after the following happened. Please hand me grip if you feel it's needed...

In church this morning a woman in front of me, who I didn't recognise, turned to me and said, "Have some respect. Sit your child on your knee." For context we'd moved pews next to a toddler he loves to play with. My son and the toddler were not making any noise but were walking (within arms reach). I was so ashamed that I picked up my son, and spent the rest of the service on steps outside.

I love church. It might as well be a spa day for how good it is for me, and everyone is always so lovely to my son. Afterwards the toddlers mum came and found me in the playroom and was a bit lost too but it was me not her the woman spoke to.

Yes, he's wild and I'm crunchy. But he's also so lovely that he asked if he could take the box of donuts he earned as a reward to church this morning to share with everyone, unprompted. He's not naughty, just 4. But is that me being a defensive attachment parent with a pfb?

So go on. Have I done this totally wrong?

If op has another child you know there will be a irate mn post in a few years time - why do some parents think it's ok to let their child scream throughout the school nativity. My eldest was in the school choir when my youngest was a noisy toddler, during one perfomance I sprinted out of the hall, my hand firmly over his mouth. The music teacher was , now that's parenting.

SaucyJack

Excellent post

Lol I wore spotted harem pants to church today....

I think 'crunchy' is really 'crusty'.
(Rainbow knitted cardigans with enormous flappy sleeves, sandals, flarey jeans, beads, nose ring, dolphin tattoo on hip, bobble hat)
Sorry, it's not a derogatory term in my head, this stereotype is what I would call 'a crusty' - I know a few!

Anyway, she sounded a bit uptight, he was quietly walking, hardly rousing the whole congregation into an impromptu kumbayah!!

Warning - week old donuts will probably be a bit crunchy! Literally!

Quietly walking and holding hands or fidgeting because you've been forced to sit and then the eventual kick off.

Kids are people too, they don't have to fit in all the time.

Kids are wild.
Our job as parents is to mould and direct so that they keep their wonder, humour and joy whilst becoming respectful of others and society generally.

I didn't understand any of the answers in the crunchy test

Where's the crunchy test?!?! I want to try!

Test is further up thread. I did it bored out of my head tonight I got not v crunchy at all. Quelle surprise.

Worth it for the comments where ppl are soliciting advice about how to improve their crunchy scores

Down thread.....

Attachment parenting my arse.

Teach your child to behave properly, knowing that there is a time and place for running around. Church is not the place.

What will you do when he starts school and thinks he can run around during assembly? Tell the head teacher that it is OK because you are attachment parenting and are "crunchy".

Still can't say I really know what "crunchy" is supposed to mean. Sounds totally bizarre and complete bollocks to me.

Must ask my three DDs how I can become "crunchy" old goat rather than a slightly old fashioned and embarrassing one.😁

Crunchy is a bit of an insult isn't it? I mean it goes beyond the knit your own quinoa into antivacx/mild paranoia territory?

It sounds like his behaviour was reasonable and quiet. I wonder why though you felt judged, do you feel confident in your parenting choices? Why do you feel the need to label them, are you trying to be some kind of perfect parent and worry you're not living up to it?

I'm from Canada's west coast :), I know crunchy!
That being said OP, for kids to learn to love church they need that level of comfort. I recognize things have changed in my parish and if I want to attend a super quiet service I need to go when the kids aren't there (early am mass). If your worried speak to the priest/minister there might be a service better suited for kids.

What is an attachment parent? Am I a detached parent?

People can choose, within reason, how they wish to parent their own children.

However, the rights of their parenting choices and their children's behaviour are not more important than other people's rights to not be disturbed by said children's behaviour.

I took the crunchy test. I'm a conventional babe

Basically, I had no idea what most of the options were

Conventional Babe here 😎

Perhaps " Wild and Crunchy" would be a good brand name for a new recipe chocolate bar.

Conventional babe, that's what I got. I couldn't remember

I gained some crunchy points for having ventured into a wholefoods once in life. But then lost them all for, y'know, using shampoo.

Wild and crunchy does sound like a brand of muesli.

Not read the full thread. We attend mass. It's boring for kids, no two ways about it. Our chapel provides colouring books and pencils, reading books and other items for kids to play with. They understand that kids get bored and they obviously think it's ok for them to sit and play quietly.
They (the church) can't have it both ways, complaining about dwindling parishioners but yet get snooty when people bring young kids

I'm going against the grain here & stating that my old doughnuts go soggy, not crunchy (& not a euphemism either)

This is absolutely fantastic I've had a much-needed laugh at your wild. rioting crunchiness, OP Brilliant, thank you.