To worry I've turned into the attachment mum horror

[ASAS]

So, as a seasoned MNer I'm asking you lovely lot to judge me as tbh I know I'll get the truth.

My DS. Darling Son. Without droning on we attachment parent because honestly I just assumed that's what everyone was doing, comfort him when he cries, let him explore, respond to his cues etc etc. I just thought that's how we (all parents) did it. I kind of still do as I genuinely rarely see a shouty mum, we're all quite new age and chilled aren't we?! Anyway, that was background to let you know I don't see my parenting as that unusual.

My son is now 4 and wonderful. Me, however, not so wonderful after the following happened. Please hand me grip if you feel it's needed...

In church this morning a woman in front of me, who I didn't recognise, turned to me and said, "Have some respect. Sit your child on your knee." For context we'd moved pews next to a toddler he loves to play with. My son and the toddler were not making any noise but were walking (within arms reach). I was so ashamed that I picked up my son, and spent the rest of the service on steps outside.

I love church. It might as well be a spa day for how good it is for me, and everyone is always so lovely to my son. Afterwards the toddlers mum came and found me in the playroom and was a bit lost too but it was me not her the woman spoke to.

Yes, he's wild and I'm crunchy. But he's also so lovely that he asked if he could take the box of donuts he earned as a reward to church this morning to share with everyone, unprompted. He's not naughty, just 4. But is that me being a defensive attachment parent with a pfb?

So go on. Have I done this totally wrong?

Sadmother I'm glad you loved it.

'Merica is a colloquial term often used when suggesting that a negative situation arises predominantly in (or due to the actions of) the United States of America. Merica is the whole experience of America summed up in a stereotypical way. I suspect it derives from the way many American accents drop the first schwa /ə/ from əˈmerɪkə (also see "Strayla Day*"). The linguistic term is apheresis.

By treating the word '"Merica" as a resulting situation as opposed to the proper noun it is, I was trying to draw attention to things such as inability to set boundaries and over-praising children leads to poor behaviour, in my experience and opinion which is often seen as an American style of parenting as opposed to a more traditional (and perhaps stricter) English style.

I hope I explained myself adequately there. I'm on my phone so proofreading is hard. You'll have to forgive any mistakes.

*though clearly beginning with an unstressed /ɔ/ a /ɵ̞/ not a /ə/

I wouldn't say colloquial, I would say derogatory. You are talking crap.

Sadmother

I thought you loved it.

No, not so much.

So why did you say so. There's no need to get personal with "You are talking crap." Try to act like an adult.

Agree with funniest; however IMO that style of parenting is now increasingly the norm here in the UK.

Well aren't your true colours shining through. Apt username, BTW.

Bye bye.

Your argument on this thread is very flimsy. My username has no relevance. Your views about 'Merica are offensive, outdated and very very ignorant.

Yesterday 18:11 SaucyJack

How do you spot an attachment parent?
Cloudstasteofmash
Don't worry- they'll tell you

Best post of the thread

At four you should be making more efforts for him to conform to expected behaviour in church, not strict enforcement but encouragement.

I thought crunchy meant that your clothes and hair had been unwashed for so long that dried in sweat made them literally crunch when you move. Does it mean something else?

Oops no that was crusty not crunchy

Not rtft

I found the attachment parenting waffle irrelevant to the op

I was raised catholic (BIG families), and almost every church (chapel) I attended was very welcoming of children and understanding that very young children tend not to be great at sitting still for any length of time (catholic services can be LONG) also that Jesus welcomed children as the most innocent and pure of congregants and therefore the most welcome! The idea of families of 6+ children not being able to take any under 5's is ridiculous!

Yeah that's crusty I reckon snog... Unkempt dreads that smell a bit, half a rollie in hand, been to atleast 3/4 raves that week.
Crustifarian... All of above but doing it off daddy's money

Cuckoo.

I fancy a Crunchie bar.

I'm a natural living newbie, which I reckon is true. I've even tried oil pulling & no poo hair washing

Surely that's trustafarian?

It's like a trustafarian but a bit smellier

Taken off urban dictionary:

OK

It's very simple.

Most parents know instinctively what constitutes kids 'being kids' and kids being 'pains in the fucking arse' and can differentiate between the two and act accordingly.

The parents that don't know what constitutes the above, will never know and cannot be taught this. So they will always let their kids fall into the latter 'arse pain' category and be baffled, upset and offended if pulled up on it.

The End.

Parents should do all they reasonably can to prevent their child disturbing other people. Other people should accept that even with a parent doing all they reasonably can a child may not (or may never) be at the stage where they can behave in a way that doesn't disturb others.

Wow. This is an interesting thread. Both churches I took DD to had an area at the back to keep little ones quietly entertained so that they didn't disrupt the service.

I have never come across the term "crunchy" before - I had to google it. I am pretty boring and conventional, but I wear jeans to church. A lot of our congregation do.

This thread reminds me of people who are afraid to be seen as boring and conventional and go about shouting "I'm mad, me" etc. It brought to mind this thread.

I read threads like these and it reminds me of some of the children I've come across t the primary school where I work, who are clearly parented in a similar way to the OP's ds.

Please please teach him boundaries, he needs to know how to sit and listen for short periods before he starts school where he can't just walk because he wants to walk.

I remember one very sweet and articulate 4 year old who wasn't used to boundaries. One example that I can give of him was at the end of lunchtime he decided he wasn't going back into school with the rest of the class. His repeated polite and sincere response was "no, I don't feel like doing that right now, I'm going to play with this football". He really struggled to understand what was expected of him and it wasn't just hard for the staff, it made him unhappy to be nagged and pressured in a way that was alien to him.

Things are still the same at home now, that is clear, but he does what he's told at school more often now. Usually with a scowl and a grumpy mutter though.

Sorry, but your church (or the moaners) is at fault. I take my 3 (7, 5, 3) to church and they are a nightmare. They crawl about, climb, talk, shout... I get so embarrassed but afterwards I always have people come up and say how wonderful it is to have children around. We go to a pretty traditional and elderly church but they are still mostly tolerant. We also have another church local to us that is very family friendly so we could go there if we wanted. The church should be welcoming, if they aren't then find another. It's not your problem.