To think my sister could at least ask for the day off for my wedding?

[Windsofwinter]

I'm getting married abroad next year. We originally wanted this to be during the May/June half term, but unfortunately these dates were already booked up for the ceremony venue we wanted. We have instead been offered a Saturday at the end of June.

My sister is a primary teacher, and one of my bridesmaids. She is refusing to ask for any time off, despite the fact that she could fly out on Friday and back on Sunday (short haul destination!) so would only need to ask for one day. She's suggested I either opt for the summer holidays or look for an alternative venue that is available in half term, if I want her to come. The reason she won't ask is because she doesn't think her head will approve it anyway, so "what's the point". I'm upset and angry, but don't know if I'm blinded by wedding emotion! Keen to avoid a family fall-out, AIBU?

Taking a day off for a week away over half term is different to a day off for a weekend with loads of travel -

Those offering trains times are missing the point entirely!

Stop it! The OP isn't asking for ideas on how to get her there -

Wow I can't believe what teaching is like in the UK. I'm a primary teacher in Dublin.
As well as having three course days that you can take any time you like you are also allowed time to attend sibling weddings.
And even if you have no days left I cannot think of any principal I know who would refuse such a request anyway!
Also we don't work anything like your hours. Most teachers I know do maybe one extra hour a day. Those in higher positions such as Heads or Deputy Heads would work longer.
Never work during the holidays at all except maybe to go in a day before the new academic year.
Sounds mega tough over there.

"I think you are seriously underestimating the journey time, when you factor in transfers and the getting to the airport two hours before take off."

Nope. It's definitely do-able. I do it. I'm not underestimating anything. I doubt kidnapped is either

Good for you bitoutofpractice. You sound like an experienced traveller. I am not-it is not sow thing I would want to do and I don't think I'm alone!!

Posters are picking up on Leeds, but we don't know where the OP's sister lives. I just used Leeds as an example because there is an airport, but it doesn't have the frequency of flights that a London airport would have.

If you are reading this OP's sister, there is a really easy way to resolve this without falling out.

Say you will ask. Wait several days. Explain that unfortunately your request was denied.

YANBU op.

If she asks and is turned down then that's the price you pay for getting married abroad, I suppose - it's always a risk.

But if she's not even willing to ask then she can't want to go that much anyway IMO (sorry).

Or

Her nearest airport is Newcastle (20mins away). Only a couple of flights a week to our destination, including one on the Friday morning

You could read the thread

"Her nearest airport is Newcastle (20mins away). Only a couple of flights a week to our destination, including one on the Friday morning

You could read the thread"

I didn't see that.

OK, Newcastle isn't a hugely busy airport so I can see why flying to Italy might not be as straightforward. The best option would probably be to hop over to Amsterdam and get a connecting flight there, or a shuttle to Heathrow/Gatwick and fly from there.

However, this could prove rather expensive

Lucked

You can "suck it up" if you want to. Personally I am not prepared to put my career on the line for someone who wants their wedding in another country, and I would hope that they could see the major imposition that they where trying to force on me by being "upset" that I would have difficulties in being able to go.

Oh come on, lots of us have busy stressful jobs.

Yes, and given 14 months you could book it off as paid holiday, What you get as a teacher depends on the HT and the individual schools policy.

My HT starts every year off by telling us weddings in term time will not get approval for a day off so don't ask! One year we had 4 teachers DC who got married on term time days, so there was an element of control over the date (ie if your parents are teachers term time weekdays are not a good choice) and he got a bit fed up so going forward it was a blanket ban.

It does seem to be very school specific, so there is no rule for all policy. I know one Primary teacher who ended up with a weeks unpaid leave as booked her wedding using one years holiday dates and the dates didn't work the following year - out by a week at May half term.

June is also report writing time for the majority of Primary teachers your date may be the deadline weekend for them. She may have worked out the OFSTED window will be looming then.

Perhaps something has happened at school or the head has indicated on the quiet asking would not be a good option.

Overinvested in this thread now but given that there's only one budget flight (you said £70rtn) from Newcastle on a Friday morning it's not hard to then see with 2 min googling that there are early morning flights to same location from both Liverpool and London getting to the Italian airport at 10am. Would that be early enough to then transfer to wedding location?

Perhaps OP if you extend an olive branch by proposing a solution for her not to need to take the day off, she might then find a way to ask after all?

Hope you work it out somehow.

Early Saturday I mean.

NicknameUsed Nope, done it myself x 3 not to Italy but to Europe, leaving after work to arrive late same day / early hours of the next. Also did a quick check of London - Rome flights before posting + although further away Newcastle has direct trains so quicker journey to London.

Yes it's an awful way to travel, yes if something goes wrong she may miss the wedding, yes the sister wnbu to say no, yes OP wbu to blame her sister for saying no, but unless the Italy airport - venue side of it doesn't work it is possible particularly if as a teacher she can set off at 3:30pm.

Fyi my journeys

1. Finish work, 5 hour drive to ferry, sail to France, 2hr drive to destination.
2. Finish work at 6pm Sat, sleep, 5 hour drive to London Stansted, early morning flight to Germany, 1.5 hour train, 8hrs Sunday at event and reverse, arrive home approx 2am Monday, sleep, work Monday morning. Think there was also a late night flight option.
3. Finish work early on Sat (2pm?) 5hr drive to Stansted, late night flight to Germany, 30 mins on train, taxi to hotel, full day Sunday at event, home in time for work Monday.

Newcastle also have Friday evening flights to Amsterdam.
It's a matter of whether her sister considers her worth it. People complaining about the sister working x days straight, hassle of connections, only having 14 months to come up with a solution sound a little entitled. For my sister, family or close friend, I would go to this amount of hassle so they could have the wedding they wanted. If her sister considers it too much then I genuinely feel sorry for the OP.
Book your wedding where you want it, present solutions to your sister and if she decides not to attend take the snub on the chin and move on with your life.

There's a Newcastle flight at 16:55 via CDG Friday evening in June, getting in at 22:50. Tight but doable for a teacher with hand luggage if she's 20min away from airport. That's what I'd do for my sister.

I have just checked the flights at Newcastle. The only Friday flight to Italy is an early morning flight to Naples. The last flight from Amsterdam to Naples is at 16.40, which isn't doable. The latest flight from Heathrow is at lunchtime on a Friday, so it looks like Friday evening flights to Naples from the UK are pretty difficult to come by.

Ah, I didn't look at Paris.

Minniemagoo

I have done alsorts of things for family and those I consider friends.

But this
It's a matter of whether her sister considers her worth it
is easily reversed, And the OP has said that she wants her DSis there for the wedding.

Frankly, I am so far beyond putting my emotional and physical well being on hold for those that want/need to do something.

And if the sister can't make the date for whatever reason then who is really snubbing who? the person that can't make it or the person that set the date?

As many people have said, time off is usually a decision made by the Governors, I'm not sure about Academies, that may be just down to the HT.
If your sister is a friend of the HT, that puts her in a very difficult position. Your sister may well know the answer is no, but by asking she is putting the HT in a difficult position and would rather not do that.
I was refused unpaid leave to attend my mother-in-law's funeral, luckily the service was during lunch time and I could go to that and then had to come back to work and teach in the afternoon. That was very hard, I was fighting tears most of the afternoon.
Whether leave is granted will depend on many factors, such as number of staff, time of year, Ofsted being due etc. Or the school may just have a blanket policy of 'no leave'!
Imagine, if the request was granted and on Thursday school got the Ofsted phone call, I imagine that would take priority over your wedding!

What about flying from edInburgh to Rome and flight from Naples to Edinburgh on Sunday mornings?

It all looks great on paper, anyone flown from Rome to the UK. Always late, always awful ime. I can be at Gatwick in an hour. For a Saturday wedding, if I had a role to play, I'd want to leave am on the Friday.

I don't think the logistics are as easy as some are making out; especially if people aren't used to international travel and negotiating the airport, etc.

Boney
And if the sister can't make the date for whatever reason then who is really snubbing who? the person that can't make it or the person that set the date?
Nope still the sister, not the person (OP) who gave her 14 months notice for a (hopefully) once in a life time event when there are options , though admittingly not straight forward they are doable options for a close family member
Sister IBU

Considering all you've added especially the bits about the flights it doesn't sound very realistic that your sister would make it to the chosen venue. The logistics seem very complicated, expensive and exhausting. I wouldn't mind being exhausted for my sisters wedding but she also wouldn't expect me to have time off from school to attend. Think you need to sit down and see if you can find a compromise.
Is two ceremonies possible, one in each country? Perhaps smaller but with all involved?

Is there perhaps the possibility of an afternoon off? I know my head would be OK with that with no issues. Maybe then she could get a flight from London?