Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD4 has just outed me - What have your DC said or done that made you want a black hole to swallow you up?

298 replies

SweetAngels · 29/04/2016 17:17

Was shopping with my DD4 this morning, decided to stop by a cafe for lunch and drop her straight to nursery after - ordered food and drinks. I asked for a cappuccino with soya milk as I have a dairy intolerance.

I am convinced that the lady used normal milk as within 30min I needed the loo badly (sorry tmi I know) 😳😳😳 so had to stop by the house to use the bathroom. This kind of scenario has happened a few times before when eating out and it gets my goat in a big way

We were 30min late for nursery and as we walked in one of the ladies asked DD if she was OK as she was in late, to which DD casually replied we're only ever late when mummy has to go home for a poo 😱😱😱😳😳😳

I was absolutely mortified - I wanted the ground to swallow me up and I did the decent thing and asked a friend to pick her up this afternoon so I don't have to face them!

So in light of this thought I would ask how any of your little darlings have outed you and how you dealt with it?

OP posts:
Hushabyelullaby · 30/04/2016 00:57

I've told this before. I'd just had a heated, massage, chair delivered and my DD (5ish at the time), had really enjoyed sitting in it and checking out all the settings. We had gone shopping and were in the queue at a till in a really busy shop, when she piped up 'mummy, when we get home can we play with your vibrator?'. I tried to protest that 'no DD, it's a massage chair', although I think my explanation got lost amongst the guffaws from people around us.

Tiopyn · 30/04/2016 00:59

Was in a public toilet with my (15 years younger) Dsis when she was a toddler, when she loudly announced that my "bottom is really hairy!" Blush

My mum told me that my teacher once collared her after school to ask her what she did for a living, as I had told her "mum works all night making babies". (She was a midwife).

Baconyum · 30/04/2016 03:11

I had a little cousin out me once with 'bacon's got a hairy bottom and it's permed!' Blush she'd seen me as I was getting out the shower that morning while they were holidaying with us, towel was a tad short. I was 14 and mortified!

Dd is now 15 and still drops me in it regularly! Eg on phone to friend 'nah she don't like your mum so best we just go shopping the two of us' me trying to mime she ought to be a bit more subtle, her still on phone to friend 'but you said you can't stand her, she's too bossy!' Thanks dd Blush

GarlicShake · 30/04/2016 03:52

StrawbRhi, I am in LOVE with your daughter! I prefer not to think this indicates I have the sense of humour of a five-year-old Wink I just like a quick wit!

OneMillionScovilles · 30/04/2016 04:43

I don't have kids of my own, but remember being a nightmare myself...

I'm an only, and when random adults asked if I had any brothers or sisters I would say, with my most sincere and serious face on "No - and I'm not ever going to, because my Mummy had an operation."

I also embarrassed my mum by kissing the man in the shoe shop aged about three... Not a particularly easy child.

(This isn't even to mention the time tiny Toddler Scoville threw a tantrum and tried to strip off whilst being carried out of a department store...)

Tbh it's hardly surprising I'm an only(!)

Cel982 · 30/04/2016 08:06

My mum still talks about the time my six-year-old brother was asked to write an 'essay' on his family. At the time she worked night shifts in a children's home so she could be home with us during the day.

So naturally DB's story went "My daddy is a teacher and my mum goes out at night". Poor mum was Blush

mmgirish · 30/04/2016 09:01

I'm a teacher. During registration many years ago, a child said (in front of the whole class) that his mammy was sick that morning and vomited in the toliet. I said 'Oh dear, maybe you could make her a lovely card to make her feel better?' He said 'No it's ok. My daddy said it's all her own fault anyway and that she shouldn't have drunk all that fucking vodka!' I changed the subject quickly but I thought my TA was going to choke from keeping her laugh in!

muminthecity · 30/04/2016 09:13

My friend's 2 year old has quite a severe visual impairment. We were on a bus a few weeks ago when she noticed a man sitting behind us. He had his hood up which was trimmed with fur and a long beard. Friend's DD stares at him for a minute and asks "mummy, is that a man or a dog?" My friend tries desperately to distract her but her DD just got louder and repeated the question until we answered. She genuinely wasn't sure if it was a man or a dog, that poor man!

Feckitall · 30/04/2016 09:15

This wasn't one of mine but DH...Many years ago, late 70s, when the likes of Jim Davidson etc were on TV and there was a lot of racism dressed up as humour..DH was looking after his then wifes nephew. He took him shopping in an area that had a lot of West Indian residents, something DN wasn't used to..cue nephew aged 4 shouting in a perfect JD style 'ello d'er black man!'..DH has never been so embarrassed ..mumbled apology and legged it!

Roobix04 · 30/04/2016 09:18

Dd's still a bit young to do these things to me but I'm loving all these. My younger sister has a different dad and while in the car with her dad and my older sister she proudly announced that her daddy has a hairy willy. I don't know who was more embarrassed, my teenage sister or my poor step dad!

Favouritethings · 30/04/2016 09:24

Many years ago I was a childminder. It was the last day looking after a child who had always been particularly challenging. The parent collected said child with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates for me. I thanked her and said 'it's been a pleasure having her'. My ds (aged 4) piped up 'but you said you hated her!!' I had never uttered the words I hated her but he'd obviously picked up on the fact I found her testing!! I quickly replied 'I've never said that ds!' He retorted 'Yes you did! You said you hated her and were glad you'd never see her again'
I was completely mortified. The parent looked deverstated.. As did her child.
Just awful!!!

CheckpointCharlie2 · 30/04/2016 09:26

Hahaha! up your arse mummy and DADDY IS A SILLY BUGGER have made me lol!!!!

purplemeggie · 30/04/2016 10:28

We were having lunch at our local pub (small village, lots of people we knew slightly) and I asked DH for a grapefruit and soda. For some reason, DS used to call grapefruit juice "dirty juice". As DH went up to the bar, DS started shouting "Mummy likes it dirty!"

Bonkerz · 30/04/2016 10:33

DD is 10. She came home the other day thanking me for educating her so well. Obviously I asked what she meant.
Seems her teacher had done a lesson on alcohol and asked if the children knew any types or brand names. DD was able to name the most!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fourpawswhite · 30/04/2016 11:50

Ha, powaqa, not sure if that was me who posted that but I was just thinking about it as my nephew did simaler. His mum got pulled up at nursery because he slapped the teacher in the bum and shouted "foxy ladyyyyy" in a sort of ace Ventura voice. My DH taught him thisBlushBlush. He hero worships my DH and clings to him everywhere we go. He's like a miniature version. He absolutely mortified DH one year at a local show. We got the bus down so everyone could have a beer. He was sitting on DH knee on the ferry bus across the show ground and shouted "uncle, has that man got a baby in his belly" DH shushed him but he just kept shouting it, louder and louder. The guy he was referring to was about 6 foot high and wide and was not amused. DH still cringes to this day.

Shesinfashion · 30/04/2016 13:46

OP, in my opinion the teaching staff are being completely reasonable. You are going to suffer (and so will your daughter) if you continue to treat her like a precious little princess for whom the usual rules don't apply.

Shesinfashion · 30/04/2016 13:47

Oops, sorry, wrong thread. Ignore please.

ChickensRideWest · 30/04/2016 13:52

I went to have a bra fitting today as I've lost weight so needed new ones. DD (4) was with me. We went onto the shop floor after to choose bras and she was trying to be helpful shouting 'mummy there's your size look at 38G wow your boobies are massive' cue me going bright red whilst the shocked grannies of M&S looked on with cats bum mouths.Blush

ChickensRideWest · 30/04/2016 13:54

DD also likes to point out 'mummy you have a massive bottom' whenever we go into the toilet in a shop/restaurant.

LavenderRains · 30/04/2016 14:04

Loving these!
When DD was about 3 we took her swimming.In the pool there was the most beautiful African baby obviously having his first swim. Parents were cooing over him.
DD says very loudly 'mummy why have that man and lady bought a teddy bear to swimming?" Blush

When we had DC3 a little surprise the same DD told her teacher "mummy is having a baby but it's a bloody miracle cos daddy works nights. Then added, " daddy keeps his seeds in the shed" Confused
The TA was a friend and used to gleefully recall all DD's stories to me!

LavenderRains · 30/04/2016 14:08

Just remembered this gem....
DD again, she should be on the bloody stage
I got a call from the school welfare officer asking if we were all ok and to feel free to come in for a chat Confused
Turns out DD had told her that uncle Mike had been stabbed! ShockBlush
she doesn't have an uncle Mike or in fact anyone called Mike in the family!!

chillycurtains · 30/04/2016 14:08

When my DS was 2.5 he went though a stage of greeting my DM at the front door and asking "When you are going home?"
DM was not very impressed and got irritated everytime which was annoying in itself as DS was only small and was asking because he wanted her to stay a long time and it was his way of checking how long he was going to have his grandma around to play with.

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 30/04/2016 14:16

"mummy, is that a man or a dog?"
I love all of these! Lovely, lovely little kids Grin
Feeling nostalgic for when mine were little...

Toddzoid · 30/04/2016 14:21

I was horrible as a child for things like this.

When I was about two or three I was sat on a bus with my mother when a black woman got on. I exclaimed very loudly "MUMMY, WHY IS THAT LADY'S FACE MUCKY? SHE NEEDS A BATH." Thankfully the woman laughed it off, my mother was mortified.

Another time I was in the hairdressing shop my mum worked in and there was an elderly woman that was a regular customer. She had early stage dementia and walked in once with odd shoes on so obviously I picked up on this and kindly informed her she had one brown and one black shoe on, loudly naturally.

When I was about eight I was sat in a restaurant loudly and very casually discussing drugs with him. Like it was totally normal. I think I'd seen something on TV and wanted him to clarify the class system and how it all worked for me. I can only imagine what people around us must have thought.

Toddzoid · 30/04/2016 14:24

With my dad I meant in the last part. I was a lot like Karen from outnumbered as a child. Very observant.

Swipe left for the next trending thread