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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dress 6 year old dd in a bridesmaid type dress to a wedding

461 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 29/04/2016 12:44

Dd is 6 and has always loved the beautiful frothy dresses in shops designed as bridesmaid dresses. We are going to a family wedding in a few weeks and I spotted a beautiful dress from john Lewis in a charity shop for £10. Very similar currently selling for £60. I bought her a cheap pink bollero cardigan to wear over the top. It is cream with a bow at the back. Now worried that I will offend the bride as I guess it was designed as a bridesmaid dress but I just thought it would be a chance for dd to wear a proper princess type dress.. I don't even know who she has as bridesmaids as I don't know her very well and would never have expected her to ask dd. Should I let dd wear the dress?

OP posts:
bogofeternalstench · 29/04/2016 13:55

Jesus wept! Would anyone really actually care what a 6 year old wore to their wedding? Why? Let her wear what makes her happy.

There was a 3 year old in a tiger outfit at my first wedding and he looked incredibly cute in the photos.

BathshebaDarkstone · 29/04/2016 13:57

If she's not an actual bridesmaid then yes, probably YABU, sorry.

BabyMonkeyMummy · 29/04/2016 13:57

There was a 3 year old in a tiger outfit at my first wedding and he looked incredibly cute in the photos.

I would have loved this. I'll always regret not having a fancy dress wedding.

Cleo1303 · 29/04/2016 13:58

I was going to suggest an email similar to Plimsolls' idea above.

As it is white/cream and could be the same colour/style as the other bridesmaids dresses I don't think she should really wear it without checking with the bride. If you don't then it could look as though you are miffed that she wasn't invited to be a bridesmaid.

Just make it clear to the bride that it is not an issue and end by saying how much you are all looking forward to the wedding.

Depending on how well you know the bride's mother you could check it with her first.

Myfanwyprice · 29/04/2016 13:58

We've got a wedding this year, and I'm trying to choose an unbridesmaidy dress for 6 year old dd as I don't want people to think that I'm offended that she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid so have dressed her as one!

I'm probably overthinking!!

MerryMarigold · 29/04/2016 14:03

If I were a guest I would probably assume you were recycling a bridesmaid dress when dd was a bridesmaid previously. However, I don't think I would do this and I'm not that bothered about appearances. I just think it would look a bit odd to look like a bridesmaid (even if the actual bridesmaids look very different) if you aren't one.

MerryMarigold · 29/04/2016 14:05

Perhaps she could wear it with Dr Martens!

idontlikealdi · 29/04/2016 14:08

It's inappropriate, just as it would be if you wore a bm dress.

LonestarStateOfMind · 29/04/2016 14:10

It wouldn't bother me at all if I was the bride, I'd find it really sweet. However I've been on mn long enough to notice some people get very precious about weddings, I can almost hear the aibu thread playing out in my head. If you're going to be worried about it check with the bride or get another dress and let her keep the bridesmaid one for dressing up.

frazzled24 · 29/04/2016 14:10

My aunty was put in a bm dress for my dm and df's wedding. They have never forgotten it and dm still goes on about it 40 years later.

I really wouldn't unless you have ok'd it with the bride beforehand.

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2016 14:12

I'd just let her wear it around the house - she'd get a lot more fun out of it that way.

HandWash · 29/04/2016 14:16

Are people actually saying they would begrudge a 6yo for wearing a 'bridesmaids' style dress to their wedding Confused

Honestly OP buy her the dress! She's 6 and will soon not want to wear this type of thing.

People are weird about weddings.

NapQueen · 29/04/2016 14:17

If I was a guest at a wedding and saw a non bridesaid in what us clearly a bridesmaid dress id assume the parents were making a PA point.

BeauGlacons · 29/04/2016 14:17

Well I would"t have bought it but casting my mind back to my wedding, 25 years ago, if a little girl had turned up in a dress like that, if I hadn't had little bridesmaids and if there had been no other little girls I probably would have asked her to help me with something or other. Who ever else had been present I'd have been kind. She's 6. What else would Amy normal human do?

RaeSkywalker · 29/04/2016 14:27

I got married in July. I really didn't care what anyone wore- a 6 year old in an ivory party dress wouldn't have bothered me. I was just happy that people were there. Things have changed an awful lot anyway- 'little bridesmaids' don't always have ivory dresses with sashes any more. I wouldn't see a child like that and think 'bridesmaid'- and if I did, it really wouldn't matter.

It's fairly obvious who the bridesmaids are at weddings- they walk down the aisle with flowers. Other children are allowed to wear pretty dresses- it's ok!

DH and I were actually looking at our wedding photos a couple of months ago and there's a lovely photo of me and my best friend (who was a bridesmaid) dancing with my cousin's 7 year old DD (who wasn't). We both said that if you didn't know, you would assume that the 7 year old was a bridesmaid as her dress was the exact same colour as my friend's. But it didn't bother us in the slightest. Her mum didn't know the wedding colours, it was a coincidence- and even if she had known it wouldn't bother me.

allowlsthinkalot · 29/04/2016 14:27

YANBU and if anyone notices or cares they are being beyond ridiculous. My then five year old dd wore a dress that she had previously worn as a bridesmaids dress to my friend's wedding. I wasn't buying a new dress when she already had one she'd be delighted to wear.

diddl · 29/04/2016 14:28

As someome who didn't have kids as bmaids, I would have felt quite flattered that they were excited enough to wear such a special dress.

Osolea · 29/04/2016 14:33

Don't do it, it's rude. There are dress codes for these things, and wearing a wedding type dress to a wedding when you aren't actually in the wedding is cheeky.

Dye the dress a nice colour and then let dd wear it, or buy a different one.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2016 14:36

Go for it, if a bride is upset by a little girl in a nice dress, she certainly has ishooos.

PuppyMonkey · 29/04/2016 14:38

Yes, I need to see a pic before my verdict. Grin

Floisme · 29/04/2016 14:38

Fuck me sideways, are we seriously saying a bride might take offence at something a 6 year-old is wearing?

NewLife4Me · 29/04/2016 14:39

Unless she is a bridesmaid then no she shouldn't wear a bridesmaids dress.
it isn't about your dd it's the bride and groom's day and the bridesmaids will be wearing bridesmaid dresses I should imagine.

There are plenty of nice dresses for girls to wear for weddings and tbh you and she might look a bit weird or entitled, bat shit crazy maybe?

i'd say no dd you need to wear something appropriate and buy her one for dress up at home. That's just me though. Grin

Ask the bride or bridesmaids mums what they think.

fresta · 29/04/2016 14:39

It would be a definite no for me. Never risk upstaging the bride or the bridesmaids.

dowhatnow · 29/04/2016 15:03

I was the least bridezilla possible at my wedding. It wouldn't have bothered me however I would never send my dd in one to someone elses wedding. It just isnt the done thing. You have to do things proper, like...

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/04/2016 15:08

I would let her wear it. She'll be sitting with you presumably, away from the bridesmaids walking down the aisle so I don't see what the issue is?

If it were me in this position, I might get in touch with the bride to find out the colour scheme just in case I wanted to change the colour of her cardigan if it's that colour scheme but that's it.

Hope your daughter enjoys her day in her princess dress. :)